The Cuckoo and Single Moms

I warn you, this is probably going to be the cruelest-sounding rant I've written yet. Now that you've been warned, read-on.

I haven't turned-down a woman 1/100th as many times as I've been turned-down... and on the rare occasions in which I have turned a woman down, I felt awful because I know VERY damn well just how it feels to be rejected. Lord, if there's one thing that life has taught me again and again: when you get rejected, it HURTS. I'm very empathetic on this point, and it really pains me to spurn an offer of affection.

I admit it, I HAVE rejected women in the past. But I'm flattered to have been given the choice first of all. The few women I've rejected, I normally did so because of extenuating circumstances- in one instance, I turned-down a woman because she was already married(!) Infidelity just isn't right in my book. (Oh, a big asshole wouldn't have turned-down the opportunity to have sex, married or not. But not me... I have those... what're they called? Oh yes- morals.)

And I'll tell you the type of women who I'm going to have to turn-down more and more often as time goes on... the ones who've already used-up their good looks on assholes. The tired-looking ones who have already popped-out 2 or 3 kids and need a stable, caring guy to replace the father that ran-off. I know, I sound harsh, but I'm just telling it like it is.

There's a female friend I have: named Kristi. In high school, Kristi was blonde, petite and pretty. I can tell you she's also never had a guy whose treated her right. Now, education-wise, we're on totally different levels... she's a high-school graduate and didn't really pursue college. (She doesn't like reading much.) And she worked at a low-paying job in a factory for a while... I'm not making socioeconomic judgments, but to be sure, I would've been a real step-up for her. Regardless of her education and job, I still thought she was a nice girl and I made it clear to her that I was willing to have a relationship with her all the same. I asked her out on dates, I gave her presents, I told her on more than one occasion that I wanted to be more than just 'friends'. But, no. She made it unambiguous that she didn't like me 'in that way.' I'm a nice guy, and she just wants to be friends. Fine, then. By now, I'm well-used to that kind of soft rejection.

So, a few years pass... Kristi has a boyfriend, and moves to a different state to live with him. Then, she pops-out a kid. Sure as shit, the boyfriend flees. I feel quite sorry for her... I know she won't be able to support herself. All of a sudden, she starts entertaining the idea that perhaps I might be interested in her for a relationship?

She calls me to say hello. (This is a paraphrased conversation, by the way.) We start by covering the usual pleasantries of a long-distance phone call. Then she cuts to the heart of the issue.

"NiceGuy..." She said. "I know you used to be really interested in me. I felt bad about rejecting you. Now I really wish I could have a man like you in my life."

Oh, NOW she's interested in me! Sure, I bet you wish I was in your life! I took a deep breath. "Well, Kristi, I gave you that chance long ago. No offence, but you blew it."

She agrees sadly. "Yes, I... I guess I did blow it. You're totally right."

Don't get me wrong- I get NO pleasure from her misfortune. Not ONE BIT. This isn't petty revenge, it's a sad lesson for you ladies: Women will not appreciate NiceGuys until after throwing-away their most energetic, best-looking years of their lives. After a lifetime of taking crap from a merry-go-round of assholes, they'll come looking for a nice, stable man to put their Humpty-Dumpty of a life back together again. When they realize that their beauty has faded and their bodies are starting to go a little soft around the middle- THAT is when they'll seek-out someone who'll look beyond their bodies and beyond their faces.

Life gives you an array of choices and if you don't PLAN, if you don't THINK AHEAD if you don't make the WISE choices then disaster can result. And you know what? *I* will not be given the task of cleaning-up after the choices you've made!

Since Kristi, I've recently had to turn-down a few more single moms. I felt awful for doing it, because I don't like rejecting people... but here's the real reason why I rejected them: I'm not ready to raise some other asshole's kids. Let the bad boy plant the seed, let the nice guy deal with the consequences? No thank you.

"Oh, but NiceGuy- aren't you being a bit cruel?"

Well, I understand that every single mom has different circumstances. I know she can't always help it, it's not always her fault... But, I refuse to be used as a damn crutch! I refuse to be exploited!

This situation reminds me totally of the mating habits of the female Cuckoo bird. The female Cuckoo seeks-out the studliest, most virile male she can find. With him, she does the hot, hot burning love-making. After getting pregnant, she seeks-out a male Cuckoo who has the better child-rearing skills. The bright, industrious ones- the ones that build the nicest nests, the ones that can gather the most food, etc.. The child gets born, and the female tries to convince the man to care for it (usually by tricking him into believing that it's actually his kid. The poor sap.)

So, the female gets to choose the studliest male to pass-on her child's genes... and the kid gets brought-up by a father who can provide for it the best. Best of both worlds for the female, eh? As time goes on, I'm starting to see more and more parallels between myself and the 2nd type of Cuckoo male.

If you think I'm exagerrating- last month, there were 2 single moms who were bugging me pretty hard to start a relationship. I swear, if it weren't for their kids, they wouldn't so much have even looked at me in their best-looking days. (One of the 2 women was an ex-stripper, by the way. She's realized that she needs a NiceGuy in her life because her decade-long cavalcade of bad boys has only served to ruin her finances, ruin her looks and ruin her psychologically. In that period, she'd been battered and raped. She'd been mis-treated in ways I shudder to recall. I could tell she was good-looking as recent as 5 years before, but no longer. Turning her down was hard because I know that she'd learned from her past mistakes. She's been tough enough to survive all the crap she's had to put up with... I won't write-out her life story, because it's too depressing. Even for me. Anyways, I had to turn her down and I didn't like doing it.)

I hate it when someone comes begging because she thinks she can transfer her problems onto me. I feel a mixture of anger and pity when this happens, and it makes me feel nauseous. I'm nice, but I'm not a damn crutch. I've realized that a lot of women will eventually see nice guys as crutches. They'll expect that nice guys will just come-in and fix all their problems. That's exploitation if you ask me. If their last relationship was screwed-up, what makes me believe that they won't screw up my life too this time around?

I'll tell you something: I'm not going to play that game. Ladies, if you come to me under those circumstances, then I will walk away from you and never look back. I will look at you right in the eye and say: "Sorry, babe. No. If I asked you out 5 years ago, you would've said no. You would've rejected me because I wasn't a big-enough asshole to get into the sack with you. I have a stable job and a stable personality. I'm great daddy material. I'm not going to let you exploit me for these characteristics now that you suddenly need them desperately. You need me now because you know you've depleted your looks and because you need my help. You don't give a shit about me, you just care about yourself and your child. 5 years ago, you would've said 'no' to me, and that's what I'm saying to you now. No. Have a nice life."

Ouch! Sound like I'm a total dick-face? Well, I don't really feel like raising some other guy's kids. Sorry, I just don't. I don't want to deal with the asshole father. I don't want to deal with the psychological problems she's incurred in the meantime or the debt she's racked-up. In the (slightly misquoted) words of Homer Simpson: "Yeesh, I'm nice, but I'm not applying to be Jesus!"

Boy, I sound like a real meanie, don't I? But I am allowed to stick-up for my best interests, you know!

What am I, cuckoo or something?


"Why men would ever want to live with most women the way they've been acting these last few decades is beyond me." -- Heather Roscoe

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