Women Don't Expect to be Held Accountable for Anything
Accountable. adj. - Liable to being called to account; answerable. Responsible.
I really believe the title of this essay. It's something that gets demonstrated to me quite often in daily life. The following was snipped from an article in the Canadian newspaper National Post:
"...An Ontario woman who shot her husband in the face at close range, disfiguring him and leaving a bullet lodged in his spine, has filed a claim for spousal support nearly two years after her release from prison where she served time for attempted murder.... This is not the first case of its kind. In a 1996 case in British Columbia, Doreen Day filed for support from her husband Fletcher when the couple divorced after she shot him four times - twice in the head, and once in the chest and leg."
So, a woman shoots her husband in the head- and then expects him to pay spousal support. Uhh, sure.
Here's another article: From the Sunday, Jul. 15, 2001 issue of Time: Rage Of The Hamptons By Amanda Ripley
"On July 7... as police allege, (Lizzie) Grubman intentionally backed her SUV into a line of people, then left the scene as victims bled and moaned for help... Surely Lizzie Grubman, 30, one of the latest in a flashy new breed of New York public relations experts, who has represented the likes of Sean Combs, Britney Spears and America Online, was not so professionally suicidal as to intentionally mow down well-heeled patrons at the Conscience Point Inn, a nightclub she represents(?) But if Grubman did not mean to hurt anyone, if she just failed to wrestle the powerful Mercedes-Benz SUV into compliance (as her lawyers contend), then how to explain her behavior before and after the wreck? Scott Conlon, 31, the club bouncer, told police she called him "white trash" when he asked her to move her illegally parked car around 2 a.m. After she moved the car a few feet away, Conlon says, he heard the engine roar and turned to see the SUV lurch backward, directly at him and a line of people waiting to get into the club. When the car came to a stop, 16 people were pinned against the building's front wall. Conlon had sustained injuries to his leg, shoulder and liver. Someone opened the driver's door and Grubman "fell out of the car," said a witness. She fled in a friend's car. By the time patrol cars got to the friend's house, so had her lawyer. With her attorney running blocker, police could not even ascertain if Grubman had been driving the car, says Suffolk County district attorney James Catterson. "She was lawyered up, as we like to say." By the time police showed her photo to victims and identified her, he says, it was too late to test for alcohol..."
A woman mows-down a crowd in a fit of drunken pique, and she obviously thinks she should somehow be allowed to flout the law.
What does this say to me? Well, the women involved obviously didn't think they were doing anything that they'd be held responsible for. In fact, in the case of the two Canadian gun-toting ex-wives, those ladies obviously felt as if their husbands still owed them something. As if shooting them in the head wasn't enough.
If you think that these examples are rare: take a look around. Young women are accounting for a larger and larger share of violent crime, especially crime against other women. Women's share in violence is increasing so rapidly that in 1997 the FBI published a special report, Juvenile Female Crime. The investigators found that, between 1967 and 1996, the arrest rate for juvenile females increased by almost 350 percent. Between 1967 and 1996, the proportion of females among all juveniles arrested rose from 13 percent to 25 percent, and that increase shows no sign of leveling off.
According to the FBI's 1998 Uniform Crime Reports, arrests for violent crime increased 53 percent for women between 1969 and 1998, while they decreased two percent for men. In other words, women are becoming more prone to committing crimes of violence, while men are becoming slightly less apt to commit such crimes. So why are women becoming so violent?
I really think that there's an underlying issue at work of how women perceive the idea of accountability and justice. Would a woman commit a crime if she didn't think she'd get away with it? Certainly not.
Here's a smaller (non-criminal) example of what I mean by accountability: my ex-fiancée and I had two different attitudes towards culpability for our wrongdoings. If I do something wrong, I expect to be held responsible. If I go-out and burn-down a convenience store, I expect that I'll go to jail for at least 20 years. In short, if I do something wrong, I know that I'll face the music. If I do the crime, I do the time.
Lying Whorebag, on the other hand, didn't think that there were repercussions to anything she did. She expected someone else to absorb the responsibility. It was never her fault. It was either someone else's fault, society's fault, or something else beyond her control (such as PMS). If she couldn't weasel-out of it, she'd either lie, or use some specious, ridiculous argument to show that it was someone else's fault- or else she'd scream her head-off until the accusations stopped. I'll give an example:
One time, I watched her walk-by my mantle, and her shoulder accidentally bumped one of my vases. The vase wobbled-around and fell-off the mantle, a big piece broke-off. She had her back turned and didn't see it happen. Naturally, I was really irritated because my vase was a gift from my grandmother.
"Whorebag," I called, exasperated "You just broke this vase." I knelt-down and started picking-up the pieces. By now, she was out of the room, she hadn't heard it break.
"No I didn't." She came back-in and replied. "No, I didn't break anything."
"Yes you did. I just saw you do it. You knocked it right-off the mantle, and now I have to glue it back together."
Then, because of her hideously short-fuse, she flew-in to a rage. Scotty, initiate hyper-defensive responsibility-avoiding mode!
"FUCK YOU!! NO I DIDN'T!"
I felt like I'd just stuck my face into a blast-furnace. My jaw dropped. Meekly, I responded. "But... I just saw you... You didn't see it fall, but-"
"FUCK YOU, ASSHOLE! IT'S JUST A FUCKING VASE!!! WHY DID YOU PUT IT SO CLOSE TO THE EDGE?!"
I gather-up the pieces. I'm not in the mood to argue. Immediately, I retreated. "Okay, you didn't know you broke it. It was an accident. Forget about it."
"STOP BLAMING ME FOR THINGS I DIDN'T DO!! EVEN IF I DID BREAK IT, IT'S JUST A FUCKING VASE!!"
Holy... She was really mad; she was trembling with anger.
"I'm sorry, honey. Please stop yelling. I'm sorry if I got angry at you; but you'd be angry too if I broke one of your things..."
"FINE, YOU WANT TO BREAK ONE OF MY THINGS?!" She then grabbed one of her porcelain dolls and threw it onto the floor. "DO YOU LIKE THAT?! HAPPY NOW?!" Then, she started walking angrily around the room, waving her arms in exasperation. "Why is it every guy has to find someone to blame?! Maybe it doesn't matter whose fault it is!!"
She didn't calm-down for an hour. I had to apologize profusely for my vile behavior if I wanted to sleep in my own bed that night. And months later, she'd still bring this up about how she thinks I'm always trying to blame things on her. But still, her words echoed in my mind... "Maybe it doesn't matter whose fault it is!!"
That proved it, she didn't think responsibility mattered if she was the one at fault.
She wouldn't tolerate one iota of anger from me if she did something wrong. On the other hand, if she even suspected that I did anything even slightly wrong, she was free to unleash the fires of hell on me. (Sometimes, if I confronted her over one of her wrongdoings, she would even make-up things that I did wrong, just so she could shoot blame back at me!)
That, in a nutshell, was our different attitudes towards accountability. It was kind of funny... her attitude towards me pointing-out her wrongdoings was: "Fine! If you think I did something wrong, then you're an asshole! That's the problem, NiceGuy, you're an ASSHOLE! Forget about what I did, YOU are an ass-HOLE!"
Ahh, so forget about the fact that you broke my vase. Forget about the fact that you let your cat chew-up my favorite Indian tapestry. Forget about the fact that you spilled permanent hair-dye all over my bathroom towels. Forget about the fact that you broke a third of my dishes- the REAL problem is that I'm an asshole! Very nice, indeed.
She attributed her every fault to me. On one occasion, she even said: "If I'm acting crazy, it's because you MAKE ME ACT CRAZY!!!" See? It's my fault again.
Oooooookay. *Coughing* *Psychopath!* Excuse me.
But now, I figured-out her game. Shifting the blame back at me was her way of punishing me for being right about ANYTHING.
PMS = Permissible Man-Slaughter
Here's another example: look at PMS. If I behave like an asshole, I'm expected to apologize afterwards. Women, they don't have to apologize if it was PMS. (Why in some criminal cases, PMS has been used as an excuse for violent behavior!)
Some women don't get all the nutty behavior that comes with PMS. For some women, it's a minor and manageable irritation. But for others, it gives them the right to treat anyone and everyone like crap for a week out of every four. Their hormones are raging and they don't have any self-control, so that's a neat little medical excuse to justify their behavior. And you know what? After a week of treating everyone like crap, they never apologize. If anyone is dumb enough to confront them over their behavior, they'll respond with a nice little ready-made excuse: "Get off my case! It was PMS!"
Now, I have a good attitude towards menstruation, but I'm getting kind of cynical... granted, I've never experienced PMS myself. And I also know I don't have this unimpeachable excuse for behaving like an asshole once a month. Maybe it's just my perception, but I've noticed that women on PMS don't lash-out quite so often at other females. Here's my theory: maybe it's because the other women know that PMS isn't that bad, so they won't put up with the abuse and the bullshit. Men don't know what it's like to have PMS, and have to tolerate whatever menstruating women do. That explanation makes a lot of sense.
Anyways....
I really believe that women do not expect to be held responsible for anything. They play the victim for everything. It's always someone else's fault- that's a 4 year-old's attitude. Me? I'm willing to accept blame. Probably, I'm too willing to accept it. That's why I don't break the law. I don't break the law because I know I'll be called-upon to bear my share of the responsibility.
But, I want you to know this issue goes far beyond my stupid vase: this goes right to the heart of crime and equality in our society. Women act this way because they think they can get away with it, plain and simple. They think the rules somehow don't apply to them.
One time, a female friend was bragging to me about the number of traffic violations she's managed to talk her way out of.
"I'll just flash my nicest smile and pretend to the officer that I really didn't see the stop sign. Usually, he'll let me off with a warning."
I've asked a lot of women about if they've ever attempted to use their female status to get out of traffic violations, and they've all done it at least once. So, basically, you have a licence to flout the rules because you're a woman? Go ask any woman, and odds are 10 to 1, she'll tell you that she's managed to weasel-out of at least one minor offense by playing-up her status as a woman.
This attitude is as dangerous as it is sexist.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"The fundamental defect of the female character is the lack of a sense of justice." -- Arthur Schopenhauer.
Return to Niceguy's Land of the Losers Page
