Where Did All The Good Men Go?

Satire by AldenHamil

I am a woman of Generation Y and I've just turned 29 years old. I've been looking for Mr. Right since I was 26 and there's one little problem I keep running into: There are no Mr. Rights lining up to marry me! I know I'm not alone here, because I've seen plenty of articles on the Internet about women just like me having the same problem. I really don't know what's wrong with me, and why men aren't more interested in me.

I'll admit... I've made some mistakes. Like most women of my generation, I grew up being taught that I could do anything I wanted, and that there'd never be consequences for my actions. I was always taught that I deserved the world, and that my entire life would fall into perfect harmony any time I wanted it to, including marriage, promptly by the age of 30. You see, being taught these notions as a little girl, I decided to do what most of my girlfriends did: once I got out of high school, I spent the next ten years "finding myself" by spending all of my free time chain-smoking cigarettes and getting drunk in bars and clubs. There were many men I got involved with during this period of my life. None of them were the wholeseome kind of men you could build a life with, but I didn't care. I wanted action. I wanted excitement and drama. I knew those men never cared about me and only wanted sex, but I gave it to them anyway. Some of them hit me, and a few smashed in my car windows, but whatever. I've been with over fifty men, not counting the ones I just fooled around with. Is this hurting my chance to find true love?

There were a few really great men who came into and out of my life during this period, usually from outside the bar scene. They were men who really cared about me, who were concerned for my well being, and who did the little special things to let me know they cared, but I ignored them. I did, I'll admit it. Every man who came into my life who displayed these positive traits - the kind of traits that could have led to stability and happiness - I rejected. I found them boring. Honestly, I was having too much fun with my lifestyle to ever take notice of the men who actually treated me like a human being. I was addicted to promiscuous sex with bad boys who never loved me. Most of my girlfriends were the same way. Why settle for a good man before you have to, right?!

Now I'm 29 years old. I only drink on the weekends and I've curbed my smoking somewhat, but it's taken a real toll on my body. My looks are fading, and my biological clock is ticking. I am a single mother of one child born out of wedlock to an abusive, no-good father who never loved me or even had a relationship with me. Not that I wanted a relationship - he was just some guy I met in a bar and I liked how he talked to me like I was dirt. What can I say, it made me hot. He's currently in prison for armed robbery, so he's not coming back for another eleven years.

I guess it helps to know that I'm not alone in this. Nearly all of my girlfriends made the same decisions I made, and we're all having trouble landing quality, marriage-minded men now that we're getting older. Where did all of those good men go? Didn't they realize that all we needed was a decade of promiscuous, no-strings-attached sex with non-committed, low quality men, after which we'd be ready to "settle" for a decent, stable man and a house with a white picket fence?

I mean what gives? I'm done chasing bad boys and now I feel like I deserve to have a kind and hard-working man come and marry me and be a good provider and father to my son. I don't care what he looks like as long as he's over 6 feet tall, makes good money, doesn't have kids, hasn't ever been married, has a nice car, has his own house, is planning for the future, is confident, funny, independent (but not too independent), fashionable, suave, educated, cultured, and wants to treat me like the amazing, special person that I am. Is that really too much to ask? Why can I not find a man like this? Where did all the good men go?

Signed,

The Women of Generation Y

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"No evil can happen to a good man, either in life or after death." -- Plato

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