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S'More Reader Feedback

It comes to pass that I post more reader feedback... I estimate that I won't be able to do more than one additional reader-feedback section before I go to Japan in April. Hopefully, people will be patient while waiting responses from me over the next month or so...

Anyways, without further ado... Check-out the most recent samples of reader-feedback:

 

Dawn (a female) writes:

Got referred to your site by a friend. Sad to say I found a lot of it true. (Well, of course it's true! I lived-through much of it! -- NG) Fortunately, there are also tons of male jerks in the world (re: your cousin), so in the end, things probably even themselves out! Anyways, you make me want to give you a great big hug (insert virtual hug here). Wanted to wish you luck for the future. Don't give up hope! There are lots of great girls out there, and seeing as you seem smart/witty/nice, I'm sure you'd be able to find an awesome girl who'd adore you sooner or later. (Hell, if I were single, I'd love to get to know you better too! But I love my bf and wouldn't cheat on him for the world.) (How sweet. It'll be great if that attitude lasts. -- NG)

 

My reply:

>Got referred to your site by a friend. Sad to say I found a lot of it true.

Hah, well, for the longest time I never liked so much as THINKING these things...

>Fortunately, there are also tons of male jerks in the world (re: your cousin), so in the end, things probably even themselves out!

Yes, that's true.. but in one of the reader-feedback sections, I point-out how men and women suck differently... and how I think that male sucking is often more manageable than female sucking. I suggest you look at it by clicking here. You might get a laugh.

>Anyways, you make me want to give you a great big hug (insert virtual hug here). Wanted to wish you luck for the future. Don't give up hope!

Well, thanks... I appreciate a hug. Um, I'm not giving-up hope because I'm moving to a whole new country. As for me finding love in the U.S.- I think it's safe to say that there's no compelling reason for me to want that.

>There are lots of great girls out there, and seeing as you seem smart/witty/nice, I'm sure you'd be able to find an awesome girl who'd adore you sooner or later. (Hell, if I were single, I'd love to get to know you better too! But I love my bf and wouldn't cheat on him for the world.)

Thanks.. I'm going to make updates from Japan, so drop-by in a few months. -- NG

 

BenFrank (a guy) writes:

Hello, I am writing to ask you to clear a few things about the "Giving Women a Chance to Prove Themselves Article". The main problem I have with that article is the women you chose to defend the female gender. I imagine that the type of women that associates with your cousin (I don't want to judege someone I havcen't met yet but based on what you've written about him, he seems like a bottom-feeder) aren't exactly good choices for defenders of womanhood. Prehaps you should give that social experiment a second try but in a different enviornment. (This is quite true. -- NG)

 

My Paraphrased Response (Paraphrased, because I forgot to save the whole message when I sent it originally):

Thanks for writing. You have to understand that EvilGuy is irrational and unreasonable. You can't reason with an unreasonable person. From his point of view, that aforementioned experiment was as good as using a random sample. I'm not sure what kind of other environment or selection would be more scientific. -- NG

 

WhoKilledKenny (a guy) writes:

I thought your site was unique and interesting. I thought at first it would just be trash talk and a bunch of reasons why women suck. It made me think about things I haven't thought about before and believe me, I spend a good deal of time thinking. I used to be a nice guy. Used to be, now I'm not. Not quite evil but I'm not nice. Anyway, I too had an insane amount of respect for ALL women. I was nice, caring, sweet, sensitive, full of zeal and all that crap. I was always being the guy who wanted to help and make people feel better. I even talked a girl out of suicide once. Then what happens after countless time on the phone, gifts, cheesy compliments? A lapdance and 4 blowjobs at least (with different guys of course). Rotten. You be nice to some women, give them freedom and they exploit it. Nowadays, I'm apathetic. Not about everything but when it comes to women getting beated by assholes. Fuck em'. And I'm not nice and respectful right away to people anymore. Respect is not given, it is earned. People like to discourage that and say that lame cliché "You get what you give". What a crock of shit. Let's ask Jesus and Rodney King about that one. You know, I really can't feel sorry for girls who leave nice guys to be with some asshole and continue to stay with him.

I was reading about how the media, work and women are sexist. For the most part, it is true. One thing you need to know about women in the military is that they are not allowed in infantry and artillery; the two combat jobs. So men still get to fight upcoming wars, that's fuckin' great.

One thing you brought to my attention was how men's sexuality is unimportant to American women. Very true. Your credible facts and some experiences of my own have shown me this. I just didn't realize it until you said it for some reason. And I agree with you when you say that it is not all women, but American urban/suburban girls. It's a damn shame, it really is. That's it, nice site. Keep it up.

 

What do I say to all this?

Thanks for writing...

>I thought your site was unique and interesting. I thought at first it would just be trash talk and a bunch of reasons why women suck.

Oh, there's a fair amount of that...

>It made me think about things I haven't thought about before and believe me, I spend a good deal of time thinking.

Well, I hope that I can challenge people's assumptions about the world.

>I use to be a nice guy. Use to be, now I'm not. Not quite evil but I'm not nice. Anyway, I too had an insane amount of respect for ALL women. I was
>nice, caring, sweet, sensitive, full of zeal and all that crap. I was always being the guy who wanted to help and make people feel
>better. I even talked a girl out of suicide once. Then what happens after countless time on the phone, gifts, cheesy compliments? A
>lapdance and 4 blowjobs at least(with different guys of course). Rotten. You be nice to some women, give them freedom and they
>exploit it.

Not much reward, is there? Where's the incentive? Where is it?? Is being nice it's own reward? Not if you're still a virgin.

>Nowadays, I'm apathetic. Not about everything but when it comes to women getting beated by assholes. Fuck em'. And I'm not
>nice and respectful right away to people anymore. Respect is not given, it is earned. People like to discourage that and say that
>lame cliché "You get what you give". What a crock of shit. Let's ask Jesus and Rodney King about that one.

Hah! Valid point. (Er, rather I agree with his principle, if not necessarily his examples of it. Few people would agree that Rodney King is in the same league as Jesus. -- NG)

>I was reading about how the media, work and women are sexist. For the most part, it is true. One thing you need to know about
>women in the military is that they are not allowed in infantry and artillery; the two combat jobs. So men still get to fight upcoming
>wars, that's fuckin' great.

I didn't know about artillery and infantry- I knew that they weren't allowed on subs or in the Special Forces. Newsweek (a very liberal magazine) had an article back in October about women in the military. The article was basically 'isn't it wonderful that women are in the military? Isn't it an unqualified success story with no drawbacks?'
There was not ONE alternate opinion presented. There were, for instance, no statements from servicemen's wives who might've said "we don't like the idea of our husbands being on a ship for 6 months with younger women." The ONLY bad thing, according to the article, is that there aren't nearly ENOUGH women in the military- and that they can't serve on subs or in the Special Forces. I dunno if the mainstream media will EVER give a balanced evaluation. I met this one former Marine who served in Somalia... he said that many of the females were given easier duties and openly tried to curry favor with the officers- naturally, it's not good for morale when that happens.

>One thing you brought to my attention was how men's sexuality is unimportant to American women. Very true. Your credible facts and
>some experiences of my own have shown me this. I just didn't realize it until you said it for some reason. And I agree with you when you
>say that it is not all women, but American urban/suburban girls. It's a damn shame, it really is. That's it, nice site. Keep it up.

Thanks for saying... Isn't sex supposed to be meaningful? I don't really *THINK* that my sexuality is worthless. But American women necessarily insist it must be so. *Shrug* What can I say? It doesn't win them many points in my eyes. I'd rather be with a woman who doesn't think that me letting them sleep with me has to be a meaningless act. I dunno- having sex with an American woman is almost like aversion therapy. You know, like when they give a smoker an electric shock every time he lights-up? Thanks for writing -- NG

 

Jiro (a male) says:

Let me just take a moment to praise you and your site. Thank you for making it. I have a couple questions though.

Your sister, first of all. From what I've read, you hold your tongue around her. Why? From what you've quoted from her, she's rather ignorant about almost everything and wreaks of annoying. You could easily tear her apart being as inteligent as you are and her being as dumb as she is. (I think I mis-read his question the first time around, so I'll make an answer I didn't write to him in his reply email. I hold my tongue around my sister because she has a habit of forcing her opinion through any conversation and not listening to anything but her own voice. It's useless for me to say anything that doesn't agree with her world-view because she'll just ignore me or call me an idiot. She's not shy about calling me that. And no matter how smart I might be on any given day, she'll insist that she's a lot smarter. -- NG)

Have you ever met a feminist? I'd like to see what you have to say about one if you haven't done so before. My history teacher's one and I thought it was a real treat to meet her. They justify their urge to be superior under the guise of the fight for equality.

 

My reply:

Well, thanks for writing...

>Let me just take a moment to praise you and your site. Thank you for making it. I have a couple questions though.

Thanx... ask-away.

>Your sister, first of all. From what I've read, you hold your tongue around her. Why? From what you've quoted from her, she's rather
>ignorant about almost everything and wreaks of annoying. You could easily tear her apart being as inteligent as you are and her being
>as dumb as she is.

I don't feel too qualified to say too many things about my sister. I can be easily-dismissed as being some kind of bitter sibling. "Oh, she's his sister and it's some kind of sibling rivalry." If it's any confirmation of what I think, my brother shares many of the same feelings I have for my sister, but not as strongly as I do.

My sister is a good doctor and she seems to take good (yet strict) care of her young kids. She is competent and professional. She IS intelligent, but- she'll talk out her ass sometimes when it comes to things she obviously has no clue about.

I mean... there was this one occasion where I was going to Taiwan in 1998 (and I'd been there several times at that point). My parents asked me what I was going to do on my birthday, which would happen to pass in the duration of my trip. I said that I'd probably go to an upscale Korean restaurant and pig-out. My sister chimed-in that I'd NEVER find a Korean restaurunt in Taiwan, because Chinese HATE Koreans. I was stunned that someone could say such... such a completely DUMB thing! There ARE Korean restaurants in Taiwan! I've BEEN to more than a few!

Now, I said to her "You know, sis... I've BEEN to Korean restaurants in Taiwan. In fact, there's a bunch of really good ones in Taipei that I'm looking forward to returning to..." But she wouldn't listen. No, she had to go-off on all the different ethnic groups that Chinese people supposedly don't like and how I won't find a Korean restaurant in Taiwan. Ugh. (By the way: Taiwanese people *don't* particularly dislike Koreans. In fact, the Taiwanese stereotype of a Korean is someone who is hard-working, studious, polite and clean. Hardly a hateful stereotype. I've never heard any Taiwanese person EVER say anything bad about a Korean, and I've interacted with far more Taiwanese than my sister ever has in her life. But no: she knows everything, and there's nothing that I can say that'll change her mind. Even if I DO know more than she does.) She's the kind of person where if I use a word that she doesn't understand, she'll insist that I'm using a made-up word that doesn't exist.

She treats her husband like an mental invalid and she's got this mania which says that she MUST come-out on top in ANY given situation. She's the type of person who, if she saw someone desperately trying to hang-on to a cliff-face with one hand, she would walk-up and say: "So what'll you give me if I help you?" And most people who get to know her secretly think that she's a bitch. But enough about her...

>Have you ever met a feminist? I'd like to see what you have to say about one if you haven't done so before. My history teacher's one
>and I thought it was a real treat to meet her. They justify their urge to be superior under the guise of the fight for equality.

Yes I have. In fact, I find them to be quite sanctimonious and irritating. I used to go to college, and although I had a deepset objection to many of their arguments, I knew better than to say anything out loud that strayed from the party line. I never thought that women were victims; and it seemed like men certainly weren't necessarily oppressors. The world just didn't seem to match what they said it did- unless, of course, you believe their ideas that all knowledge and law and reason is a patriarchial construct which needs to be deconstructed from a feminine perspective.
Personally, I think it's folly to point at the planet and say 'patriarchial'. I mean, I see it equivalent to pointing at the planet and saying 'purple'. Feminism views human relationships in terms of power-struggles; isn't human interaction more complicated than that?
Bah, I could go-on for hours. Thanks for writing. -- NG

 

TheresaM sends a response to the fact that I updated the links to reflect less misogyny- although EvilGuy doesn't necessarily approve of less misogyny.

Thank you for reading my email and for the thoughtful reply. I would like to point a couple things out however. Firstly, I think you missunderstood my speech about being a feminist out of fear. I don't feel like I have been coerced into it or that I am just following the tide... in many ways quite the opposite.
I am a feminist at it's fundamental meaning: I believe in equality for men and women. (Cough! -- EvilGuy) (Oh, shut-up- she means she's an equity feminist as opposed to a gender feminist. -- NG) (Yeah, right! As if 95% of females know there is any difference betwen the two! -- EvilGuy) If you disregard the nasty associations feminism has aquired over time, I think you would find that you aply as a feminist also. ('Nasty associations'? Oh, you mean the man-hating, women-first, third-wave gender feminists who've essentially taken-over the entire damn feminist agenda since the 1970s? You mean them? I think mainstream feminists ought to disregard them before I will. I think the 'good' females need to put-up a way stronger resistance simply because anything a male says against the radical feminists is instantly invalidated as 'backlash'! Furthermore, 'good' feminists need to put-up a better fight because radical feminists know the value of having impotent opposition absorb the force of real opposition: so far the 'good' feminists have been playing the role of a powerless opposition quite nicely. -- NG) When I say I am a feminist out of fear I mean that I fear the subjegation of women reocurring in the future. I realize that is not your intentions. The point of my email is that there are others who are or would be easily convinced of the need to subjegate women. (Yeah, one can see a need. -- EvilGuy) I don't think it is unreasonable to be a feminist for this reason.
You brought up an interesting point. However, if you did post my email please post my further explanation also. (Fine. I still hate you, though. -- EvilGuy)

 

Damian (a guy) writes:

Dude!, Your site kicks ass. ITS SOOOO TRUE!!!!!!! Jesus, women think that we are all sexist bastards, but they are the ones with like 20 different channels for women ONLY and all we have is the damn man show! God, i try to be nice and courteous to girls and all they have done is break my heart. I don't get it...

(Short and sweet. -- NG)

 

A former contributor, Triple-C, wrote in to give an update on his recent life...

Just yesterday, I was rifling through my library's miniscule selection of vintage DVD's, and I saw, something very very disturbing to my eyes. For the woman and written by a woman, "How to marry a Millionaire".

Instantly I was obliged to throw it across the children section play area and hope it would shatter into a millino pieces. I was apalled. That offends me. I know that I will never be a millionaire, I will never own 3 different BMW's, never be able to buy the woman I love a diamond necklace, or afford to send my kids to private school. Does that instantly make nice, hard working people like me garbage? Oh he's not a millionaire, let's not marry him you know, because he can't get diamonds like Mr.I get money like there's no tomorrow.

No doubtedly , this goes along with that article you wrote about the magazine article (also written by a woman as I recall) with the women nowadays, that think we don't do enough. (That would be this article. Hey, here's a quick joke: how is Blue Jade like a condom? Answer: when she's not on some guy's dick, she's in his wallet! Snicker. -- NG) I thought the human race was created as equals. We are all people and human beings are we not? What is it about money that instantly attracts everyone. If I honestly was given the choice between an average salary, and a $10 million dollar salary. I would take the $10 million and give it all away until I had enough to keep me going. I have a band, and I know they have equipment and we need some new stuff, I have a friend that had a brain hemmorage and is still one of the best guys in the world, who's family could use extra cash to send him to specialized doctors, and numerous charities and stuff like that. Many people would say: why would you not buy yourself a big house, a big car, and diamonds for your wife?

WHY you ask? For one, my wife shouldn't want diamonds and my love would be enough for her. (In an ideal world, yes. Yet we live in a world with females. -- NG) She will not be one to be wooed by someone else with more money and a better life insurance policy. Wealth means nothing to me. Sure you don't want to be poor, and everyone would like to be rich, but If I was rich, I'd live an average life and give the money where it is needed. There are many people I know who's parents own BMW's left and right and a big house, and their children were spoiled to heck and they enjoy their life like that, and people like me, who are on average salary, get in their way, and some of them expect us to look at them like gods as money. If soul power was money, they'd be the ones looking up at me. Perhaps that woman married a millionaire eh? Now I"m not saying that women aren't capable of being millionaires mind you. I'm just saying, that this DVD is apalling. What gives that woman the right to tell people how to marry a millionaire, instead of for love? That is what the title tells me. What does marriage mean now? Who can marry the person with the most money?

Ladies, and Gentlemen, marry for love, not for money, marry for the way you feel, now the feel of the wad of money in your wallet. (Well, it's good advice. But every woman will say that it's good advice for some other woman. -- NG)

 

Grier wrote this interestingly extended submission:

NiceGuy, I have to say that your website has given me hope in the world. At least some, with the knowledge that there are other like minded individuals out there who are tired of being walked on by women. I was given your site by a friend and have been going through the process of reading it all ever since, and the whole time I have noticed more and more that I am leading a life much akin to yours. I would never have noticed a lot of the generalizations you make about women to be so true if they hadn't've been pointed out, many of them I already knew or were beginning to shed light on, but with your help they have become crystal clear. Not to say I'm joining the other side, men don't exactly get my knobs spinning... (Nor I. Not that there's anything wrong with that. -- NG) women are my only interest in that department, but I can understand prefering male company most of the time, too bad most men are like your cousin: slobby, stupid wads of testorone just waiting to explode all over anything in site, with two legs or otherwise. Now then, my own experienc with women hasn't been nearly as great as yours (yes that's right, I'm considering you to have had great experience), but I have had some. And they suck, not in a good way either. I've been single for about five or six months after a relationship with a girl that was very much like your Lying P. Whorebag... very very much alike. (So... her parents considered a straightjacket for her as a child? -- NG)

I waited on her every whim but never was it enough. (Ahh, there's the problem. You needed to bitchslap her a few times. It seems that women like guys who might do that. -- EvilGuy) And after that experience, I spent some time in depression, but now I'm out looking again, with no luck of course. I feel that I may attempt your experiment of allowing women to try and redeem themselves. But then, women don't seem to want to talk to me any more than the wall... maybe not even as much. Although, I have to say that the badass appearence gig doesn't always work out, for I am big and fairly burly, I have long dark hair and at one point even had my tongue peirced. Also, I am fairly well fitting to the 'goth' theme in that I tend to wear all black and also am rarely seen without my black leather trench coat. So then, can you guess the last time I even had a girl come up and talk to me? Um... not since my own personal Whorebag came into my life... the closest thing I have to a woman comming after me is my best friend's sister seems to have a thing for me but I am currently refusing to make any moves in that direction, I mean, on the ole' scale of 10, my ex was probably a 4 or 5, but his sister is at least a full 9, appearence wise, she's like an 8.5, but she's pretty damn cool too, so that's a bonus. I suppose this letter doesn't have much of a point aside from "hey, great work. Props to EvilGuy for being so evil, I tend to find myself taken by one of your family members myself. And, hey, NiceGuy, don't lose hope, I'm sure there's a woman out there who isn't a total bitch... but I kinda doubt it... it's sad isn't it?" (Heh. -- NG) And that's about all, wish I would have thought to start this webpage myself really, although your life is much more interesting than mine, 'cause mine sucks... it's like several years ago someone stuck a straw in the back of my head and has been sucking my innards out slowly ever since... not fun.

Anyway, I'd like to recount a quick story of yet another NiceGuy, the best friend with the sister mentioned previously:
Well then, what to refer to him as? Let's call him Gary, and the woman in question shall be known as Trisha.
Gary and Trisha had known each other for well over a year, ole' Gary has a strage ability to draw women online to him like some kind of magnent, they all just fall for him. Now then, they'd been having the online relationship thing going on for most of this year, telling each other they loved one another and everything, they also spent a large ammount of time talking on the phone. She lives in the state to the south of us, so they're not far away, so they set about making sure that they will see each other in the future. Then one day, Trisha makes plan's for Gary to come down and stay for a week or so. She'll come pick him up, and they can stay with her and her two sisters in their apartment. She get's that week off at work so they can make the most of their time. Now Gary is one of the rare kind of guys who is entirely against sex before marriage, and Trisha... isn't one of those girls. Now, in all honesty, Gary is one of the coolest people I know, he's a true NiceGuy, if a little kooky, a bit odd and all, but who isn't? Trisha, however, has another little problem as well, she's a bit of an alcoholic, and even when she promised Gary she'd stay away from the bottle, she'd always sneak off for another quick bevvy somewhere. Gary, being the observant person he is, notices this, and besides that Tisha's sisters always made a note to let him know. So then, they spent a week together entirly punctuated with these problems, her sneaking off for a quick boozer, her desire for sex (and this, by the way, apperantly made it's way into Gary as well, they tried, but in one appartment with three people living in it, it's hard to get privacy long enough to make love in any way shape or form, quicky or not) and for the most part, it was a boring week, nothing special to do, just hang out, watch movies, make out. Gary comes back in quite the good mood though, he's in love and doesn't see any problems. And I don't blame him, Trisha's a solid 8 all the way up, she likes cool music (our "demonic" music of metal and punk and the like, EvilGuy would probably like), she's attractive, but then, I don't personaly know her much so I can't make any judgement further than that. So then, he makes further plans to go back down to her place, goes again, same happenstance, sneak: booze, sex: no privacy, but one little thing he doesn't mention, but I gather after his return and his little slips in conversation is that they get engaged. The next time he goes down the, things don't go so sweet I guess, I don't know details about most of it, all I really gather is that Gary isn't quite a big enough asshole or nearly bad ass enough for Trisha to really want to stay with, the engagement gets cut off and Gary returns a broken man. But not for long, his realization that he was cool with everything, that he was fair and caring and did his best to be what a good fiancée is suposed to be comes much sooner than most of us I think. Maybe finding your website when he did helped, maybe my regailing him with stories of my first attempt at a long distance relationship (which by the way is not working out, I think she actually PRETENDED to move and changed email addresses just because she's afraid to get close to me, most of her friends I know agree for the most part... but I have been unable to contact any of them since she actually "moved" considering my mother accidently deleted my entire contact list; I'm still staggering from the shock "no mom! don't you just deleted-- GAAAH!!!!") which hugely reminded him of his own experience, however, I've been refusing to except this untill recently. So thusly, we see the beginnings of the slow colapse of another NiceGuy... (...and the great Cosmic Death-Spiral begins anew... -- NG) however, I believe myself and my friends wish to have your name officially changed from NiceGuy to CoolGuy, might get you more women ya know? (Hmm... Interesting idea... -- NG) Although I doubt many women would accept it and probably even fewer guys, they'd say you suddenly developed an ego.
I'm thinking that the EvilGuy routine might just be something for me to do in my spare time... hmmm... (I imagine that a bunch of EvilGuys hanging-out together might be called 'The Bastard Squad'. Thanks for writing... -- NG)

 

Grier also informed me of this as someone's rebuttal to my site on some message board out there somewhere:

http://www.heartless-bitches.com/rants/niceguys/nice-guy-dilemma.html (No, I'm not going to provide a link to it. You can go there yourself. -- NG)

Keep in mind the most pathetic thing about them: despite the Heartless-Bitches' claim to superior intelligence, the simple idea that there might be other people out there with thoughts more valid than their own is totally nonsensical to them. Furthermore, their opinions are never restrained by balanced self-perception of any type. That's why it's safe to for us to never take them seriously about anything they say...

 

My response... (call it a preemptive strike).

That article is exactly equivalent to a wealthy business-owner claiming the unemployed job-hunters are stuck in their situation because they're lazy, stupid good-for-nothings... if they can't find a job, it's because they're pathetic and it has nothing to do with the hiring environment. If you're unemployed, then it's unequivocally your own damn fault regardless of how many resumés you've sent-out. (In addition, her definition of a 'nice guy' is a ridiculous one: a 'nice guy', in her world, should give and give and give and expect nothing in return. If a guy buys his girl a necklace and gets irritated that she doesn't so much as say 'thank you', then he's not a 'nice guy' because a nice guy wouldn't expect to get a thank you. The woman doesn't have to do anything in a relationship other than just show-up; she has the privilege of being a lazy turd or a thankless boor.) But I'll go one step beyond critiquing that heartless-bitch.com article: I'll critique their site.

I know of the heartless-bitches.com site of which you speak, but to tell you the truth, I've never attached any importance to it at all. (The first time I saw it, my reaction was: "What's this?? Sanctimonious, self-aggrandizing, puerile females with Regina complexes and massive chips on their shoulders? Now there's a shocker for you!!") Their site is an attempt at satire which requires them to deconstruct and demolish everything and everyone in sight, they attack both men and women (including the kind of women that I attack)- and the true entertainment value lies in their ability to think-up new ways to insult anyone and everyone. That's about all they have going for them. Nihilistic opinion-barfing in action: a perfect waste of an afternoon.

Some negative comments one could use against their site could fairly be used against me. It would seem at first glance that my site reflects part of their core concepts and our sites do share quite a few superficial similarities, but there are major differences that set us apart. (Well, I mainly say that 'women mostly suck'. They mainly say 'everyone who disagrees with us totally sucks'. And they exhibit an extreme form of cynicism which essentially denies the possibility of any positive form of human behavior.) Obviously a big difference between us is that from time to time, I admit I might be wrong about certain things and they are apparently never wrong period. (I wish I knew as much about anything as they seem to know about pretty much everything.) And I actually try to see two sides to every argument at least part of the time, but heartless-bitch thinking isn't encumbered by my lofty convictions of considering alternate viewpoints, obviously... Perhaps I can be accused of not being fair enough, but they don't even pretend to be fair.
Let's also overlook the obvious fact that their site is done in the irritatingly shop-worn "I'm a self-described BitchGrrrl who don't take no crap from nobody" school of clichéd bluster that normally sputters-out in a chick by the time she outgrows watching MTV's Daria... (Heh, emphasis on 'normally'.)
I don't think they've critiqued my site yet, but it's just a matter of time before they do. And here is how it will look (you read it here first, folks!!): it'd be a long long long list of 'NiceGuy is a pathetic, whiny loser. NiceGuy is a worm. NiceGuy needs to grow a backbone. etc'. There would be no debate on the validity of my facts or statistics or logic. It will be insult-heavy deconstruction and personal attacks with minimal intellectual content. They will hurl a lot of insults in hopes that my core arguments will be drowned-out by a sea of bullying. That is their style: it is necessarily infantile. They need to fight in the style of a 7-year old because that is where their true advantage resides: in name-calling. I've made it easy for them to take cheap-shots at me because I'm honest in how I portray myself. (Heh, I'm acting like I don't call people names myself... Yes, I barf opinions too but I occasionally make an attempt to have some hard statistical facts or logic-based reasoning or peer-reviewed studies to back-up a few of my claims instead of simply saying 'you're a loser, ya loser. Ha-ha, I'm so clever'.) Pretty much all they got to fall-back on is name-calling disguised as facts. That's their main strength. Their closed universe of one-sided discourse must remain in a crass, anti-intellectual, self-contained void in order to remain unassailable.

But there are two Big Points that differentiate their site from mine. Big Point 1: I've actually made room for the possibility of disagreeing with me whereas their site is purposefully-designed to kill any meaningful dialogue with them. And Big Point 2: My site is a helluva lot more honest when it comes to the author's attempts at self-portrayal.

Big Point 1- Rigging the Forum. If you control the rules of the forum, naturally you can make it so you'll always win the argument. By design, their forum is more overtly controlled in a self-serving, cowardly fashion than mine could ever aspire to be in a million years. Oh sure, they pretend to invite reader criticism, but they strictly post the stuff that they can humiliate. (Naturally, they'll deny doing this- they have to deny doing it. The Rush Limbaugh Show was structured the exact same way- by giving him the power to screen incoming calls and hang-up on them, wouldn't he have an ability to run every debate to his advantage? Rush tended to be lackluster in debate formats outside his own studio. For instance, after an episode of David Letterman where Dave gave Rush a few verbal jabs that were far more clever than his canned supply of 'Billary' jokes, a stage-hand witness said that Rush was 'visibly shaken' when he went backstage afterwards. He needed a gerrymandered debate landscape in order to make his position look brilliant.)
I have already acknowledged a lot of criticism from readers. I like posting the contributions of intelligent readers, so I'm being up-front in saying I could squash a too-clever, ego-bruising email if I wanted to. But I won't, because it's less honest than I want to be taken-for. And it's totally cowardly to do that, besides. Their list of reader's responses is obviously a filtered sham; mine tries not to be. Think of it this way: what is the most likely debate forum created by a 'heartless bitch', and what is the most likely debate forum created by a nice guy? A heartless bitch will never allow the world to know when a well-spoken critic is correct, but a nice guy just might. Grin. But if you say this to the self-described heartless bitches, they'll only respond that they don't get any intelligent rebuttals from their readers because their critics are all a pack of moronic losers anyway. Cough. Yeah, sure.
As for their treatment of reader email: they say men who write-in claiming to be decent are spineless losers, that men who write to disagree are dickless losers- and men who agree with them are sycophant losers. In their world, it is impossible for any male to be anything but a useless lump of loserdom in need of a good, old-fashioned cock-punchin' (but, when somebody accuses them of this kind of sexism, they'll deny it by saying "no, my boyfriend is a real man- unlike you, ya loser..." Cough again.) Naturally, anything they claim about their private lives must be taken with a grain of salt, but I'll get to that in Point 2...
Females who disagree with their site are stupid, mewling infants- only those females who agree with the forum are worthy of any respectful acknowledgement at all. In short, there is no way anyone can ever do anything right in the world of heartless-bitches.com except for agreeing with them. But as for me- people can fairly criticize me, and they do. I even leave-open the possibility of there being women who don't suck (but I think they exist mainly outside the U.S....)
When a person writes them a letter that is generally reasoned and respectable-- when the person's facts are totally unassailable, then heartless-bitches.com will resort to remarking on the sender's supposed penis size, punctuation mistakes or spelling. (I mean, come on! Okay, maybe I poked fun at someone's grammar on one single occasion- but I've never attacked the odd spelling mistake as being evidence of a contributing reader's stupidity. It's the most lame, childish, intellectually-bankrupt and incredibly puerile cheap shot of all cheap shots-- yet they do it all the time. I can not respect someone who says "You misused a comma- so you're obviously an illiterate moron. Try 'Hooked on Phonics', loser. *snicker* *snicker*". It's so childish and so so sooooo freaking puerile that it's beyond my ability to possibly give serious credibility to anything they say.)
If someone would write them a scathing, airtight, brilliant peice of work that irrevocably savaged one of their rant-articles beyond repair- they wouldn't acknowledge receiving it. That's why there aren't any good rebuttals on their site- they've most likely suppressed them. Naturally, the heartless bitches will deny this because they'll claim all their critics are necessarily idiots and that's why you don't see any intelligent rebuttals. (Nice little ready-made excuse they have.) If someone writes me very good criticism, then I've demonstrated that I'll treat it seriously. There are intelligent rebuttals in my reader's response sections that I've agreed with, I only rip-apart the ones which are demonstrably flawed or laughable. If someone acts like a big meanie towards me in their email, I'll still give the courtesy of allowing them to stay anonymous- I won't post their email addresses for the world to see, but heartless-bitches.com will. I seek well-written criticism to enrich the opinion-content of my site. But they seek criticism purely to rip on it for a cheap laugh. I can't respect women whose intellectual prowess is best showcased in their own little self-serving, crassly manipulated censorship game... in which they'll hold an isolated 'e' before 'i' mistake as all the proof they need to dismiss you as an idiot.
Is my forum rigged? I hope it's not. I really make a conscious effort to not make it so. When I get valid criticism, I'll admit that it's valid. But their site makes a conscious effort to ensure they'll always win any given argument no matter how valid their critic's point might be. Their deck of cards is necessarily a stacked one- it's the only way they can guarantee they'll win every time. Yes, they are intelligent and creative writers- but they also need the added advantage of cheating at their own game in order to convince the world that they're brilliant. I don't really need to discredit heartless-bitches.com on this point much more: their practices in running their site discredits them more than I ever could.
How can I prove I don't rig my reader's responses? Because I have a demonstrated record of actually acknowledging well-written criticism and putting it up for the world to see. I try to actually give thought to dissenting opinions. I acknowledge when my readers make valid points. Their site does none of that. Their site could do none of that without compromising their carefully-maintained façade of perfection. Which leads me to Point 2.

Point 2- To Thine Own Self be True. I actually listened when Polonius gave that advice to Laertes in Hamlet. But the general theme of heartless-bitches.com can be summed-up with: "my shit don't stink, but yours sure does". If someone is really going to stick to that position no matter what, can anyone take them seriously? My shit stinks, I know that. I think I've written enough anecdotal evidence to show that I'm imperfect. I acknowledge my flaws. I was stupid to tolerate Whorebag's bullshit for so long. I was irresponsible to get drunk and make-out with Deena Prjywalsky. I shouldn't have loaned money to Shirley Moocher. (Naturally, that doesn't excuse those witches from the damage they did, though.) But the writers at heartless-bitches.com? They choose to omit all that embarrassingly honest stuff about their own foolishness- they actually expect us to believe that they don't make mistakes in real life! (Feel free to smirk for a minute at how pathetically self-delusional that behavior is!)
Their site is designed to exclusively make them appear superior to everyone- but mine is not. I've deliberately chosen to tell my life story as horribly genuine as possible (and thusly, I've deliberately made myself vulnerable to attack) because I'm honest when I write about me. I don't pretend to be without flaws. Oh, I could've gone the easy route... I could've made a page in which I'd fictionalize my life to filter-out all my failings and pretend to be perfect in every way- but I instead chose to be REAL. The female writers at heartless-bitches.com would never do such a thing- we can't have them come-out from their invulnerable sniping-positions on the high-ground of self-styled perfection, now can we? For you to say "I'm perfect, you're shit", I can't possibly take you seriously. You're a delusional whackjob if you'll actually say that with any conviction. I wouldn't know if you're trying to fool me or fool yourself. A real life heartless bitch lacks the art of self-reflection and has tricked herself into thinking that nothing can be right except for what spews-forth from her acid-fountain of a mouth; online they are true to this fashion.

So, that's what I think about them. Ya can't reason with people who need to be unreasonable. (That's why I also don't like being around EvilGuy). And they remind us all perfectly why we think women suck. Hah, in fact they prove my case better than I ever could!

But, for a final reality-check, the disclaimer at the bottom of the site contains their last-ditch escape route from accountability: they remind you to not take them too seriously... it's all 'irony', 'satire' and 'caricature' anyway. This is what I call the "now we mean it, now we don't" defense ploy: if you object too strongly to what they say, it means you're just too dim and humorless to 'get' all the spoofing. Obviously, nothing they say can be taken too seriously because it's all a big prank on whoever gets offended by it- so, what's your problem, loser?
Thanks for writin'... -- NG

(Furthermore, I've gotten yet more feedback on this particular critique. Here is why the 'Treat Us Human' argument they use against nice guys is a fraud...) (02/26/02)

 

Kiichi (a guy) writes:

Dear Mr. Niceguy;
I would first like to inform you that your site is an inspiration to other "niceguys" who has been used and abused. I personally came to a conclusion that women suck after numerous encounters with close friends and family who are "niceguys" getting their heart ripped right from their chest and seeing a change in them, as if a part of them is gone. I am a "Niceguy" not only do I believe chivalry, but I myself have high moral values; I don't smoke, drink, or do drugs. After the encounter embedded in my head through my friends and family's relationships and now your site, I will continue to be celibate, and would never get into relationship with someone in America just because most of them suck, I am a virgin, first kiss, I don't plan to get one while in America just simply they're not worthy, unless they give me a simple reason why I shouldn't simply hate them, and hope they don't say "tits" but so far in my college, most girls don't take my question seriously, just ignore it or instead of me questioning them, they start questioning me of why I hate girls. (He should press them on this until he gets an answer. If there is a good answer to that question, I can't imagine what it would be. -- NG) I can continue ramble on but I won't, great job on the site, and hope your enjoying yourself in Japan, one of the place I truly want to visit some day...keep on expressing you thoughts...take care.

(Thanks for writing. -- NG)

 

Alex, a guy, writes:

Hi, NiceGuy-

Perhaps you don't lower yourself to watching dating shows like "BlindDate" or "5th Wheel" as I have, but I find them instructive. To be sure, most of these people are not representative of the average person, but I'm seeing signs that portend better days ahead.

Tonight, on "Rendez-view" (a very special one, no doubt) (Much in the same way that every episode of "Blossom" was special- or in the way that some Olympics are special. -- NG) we were treated to the panel and audience actually hating and criticizing the woman. The woman, to make herself seem desirable, mentioned that she was dating several men at the same time. Sorry, she didn't mention it, she flaunted it. That and she took pride in being a "bitch." She thought it was "assertive" but, as we all know, that's poppycock. (She confuses being assertive with being a selfish boor. Yes, 'bitch' is a badge that she wears proudly. She can wear it proudly because men tend to restrain themselves from caving her face-in with a sledge-hammer. She, like all women, expect to exist within a special protected zone-- that is why she can afford to walk-around, proudly being a bitch. -- NG)

The panel hammered this broad for her shallowness (she had the nerve to call the guy shallow and unintellectual!!) her slutty ways (not that she slept with men, but that she thought it was ok to tease several men at once to sate her ego) and her CONSTANT (literally) yapping. The woman never shut up, and her image was a tattered rag by the end of the show. (Yup- all you have to let her do is speak for herself and no one will have to discredit her. -- NG)

I also noticed that many of the women who throw themselves at guys on shows like Elimidate and 5th Wheel are getting rejected in favor of the "nicer" girls. Now,
we all want sex, but can we honestly believe a woman is really into US when she throws 'it' at us on the first date? No, more likely she is manipulating us and we'll find ourselves in hell shortly thereafter. (More likely, you'll wish you were in hell. -- NG) So, I'm proud that these guys are accepting the challenge of the better woman. I know you don't like women being 'traditional' (how is waiting a couple weeks at least traditional? lol) (Grin. Ya got me there. -- NG) but there's something to be said for not thinking a guy is a walking cock with no thought of self-control.

I went on a date with a girl recently, and BEFORE we went out I spoke honestly about my feelings about most women. She laughed, probably unused to a guy just
laying it all out, but she had no problem with me and we ended up kissing (closed-mouth, and brief) She ALSO paid for my food (after paying her own way at the movie!) I didn't ask her to do this, but she knows I am out of work currently (still looking) and really don't have money to spare. (Well- I guess she's still in a probationary period with you. -- NG) She's cute, a bit plumper than I'd prefer but not obese. She has her own issues, to be sure, but not typical female ones.

Have you ever met those girls that are friends with mostly guys (and not the whore-kind that have male "friends") and will openly admit that women are too catty and eager to backstab (they trade friends like baseball cards)???? I've met more than a few, and I find it refreshing, and vindicating, that they will openly admit what we've been saying all along (well not me, I used to think differently)

 

My paraphrased response:

I have to say I've only watched one episode of "Blind Date". After I finished retching-up my previous three meals, I was convinced that I'm going to get eye-cancer in a few years directly as a result of seeing that... that ghast of a program. But the women you mentioned in the last paragraph usually are cool- unfortunately, all the ones I know who are like that already have boyfriends that they're really into. Thanks for writing -- NG

Speaking of which, why do people watch these awful dating shows? Here are some suggested reasons... (I love The Onion... hope this isn't breaking any copyright laws, though.)

 

Miala, a young woman, writes:

After a few minutes at your site, I started to get very sad.

I find it discouraging to know that you're so jaded and cynical about women, because it makes it hard for women like me, who are essentially nice, fair, and do NOT like to associate with the "women who suck", to think that we'll ever find a nice man who hasn't already been ruined. Selfish, shallow, and utterly heartless women abound, but there are plenty of people in fulfilling, loving relationships with decent people, won't you agree?

Being a nice girl, I have fallen in smit with guys who suck, bigtime, and maybe I can offer some insight. While going for a guy I can't have/is no good for me is definitely not what I set out to do, it happens for a few reasons. First of all, I'm looking so hard for someone to appreciate all that I can give, that when someone finally comes along I'm impatient and eager to please. These guys aren't interested in that, and so what do I do? I try harder. I'm not a quitter...but maybe sometimes I should be, you know? Secondly, women and men alike want what they can't have. You know how...when you see something you like... a book, perhaps, or a CD, a computer or one of those highly expensive new flatscreen TVs...you want it, a LOT. So you work for it, and then you get it, and the excitement is incredible. Finally, you've gotten what you wanted. But after time, this fades, and even though you may still appreciate what you have, soon you're left wanting something else.

It's hard to be content with what we already have...always trying to keep up with the Jones's. This applies to dating as well. It's why men ogle beautiful women, women fall in love with gay men, or players; it's why breaking up hurts so much, even if it's the right time: because suddenly we can't have something, and that makes it so much more desirable.

I'm not an advocate of playing games, but I think some of them are necessary. The best part of dating is the anticipation, wondering if someone feels the same way, wondering when and if something intimate will happen. If you're being a nice guy, and being totally available and willing, the excitement level lowers.

I know this sounds really bad...why should you have to do anything but be yourself to attract women? (I'd LOVE to be myself. It's women who are always telling men to 'change'. As this chick will demonstrate below. -- NG)

I ask myself the same thing, but if everyone else is playing by the rules, and you're not...then you alienate yourself. So anyway. You might want to try being a little more mysterious, perhaps? Be flirtatious, be confident, maybe a little bit cocky (but not to the point where it's annoying; a little too much confidence can be charming at times), and be patient. I know it's hard, being patient is not my forte. (However, with your 40 day mission...yow...I don't think I could ever do that, you must have crazy willpower.) Flirt with women and just feel good about it, don't worry about things until later.

If you go for coffee every day at a certain coffee shop and occasionally there's a woman you think is adorable, strike up a conversation, and maybe leave a little early. Leave her anticipating more. It's all about being slow...women love slow.

As for the sucky women you speak of...I can spot them from a mile away, it's a gift. I would call it women's intuition, but I think that might offend. =o) (Laff!! I'm not offended at all, ahaha!! Oh, yes- women have certainly evolved a keen sense of intuition! Indeed! Women's intuition is the only possible result of millions of years of reaching conclusions through not thinking!!! Bwahahaha!! -- NG)

I think it's just because, as a women, I can talk to other women and get into their heads.

The women to stay away from:

The ones with perfect hair, clothing, nails, etc. This is a highly cultivated look, it took a lot of time and thought, and probably manipulation of people and things. Ouch. The ones who look like glorified porn stars. You so know what I'm talking about. (There are few women whose value lasts longer than their beauty. Ouch! But I'm just telling it like it is. -- NG)

Women who don't pump their own gas. Not only can I pump my own gas, but I don't shy away from washing my car, changing tires, checking and refilling the oil (changing is something I have yet to learn), and other good-enough maintentance tricks. What does this mean? This means I'll try every resource available to open a jar before I call up my guy friend. Women who are self-reliant won't treat you like crap because they don't need you to feel good about themselves, as compared to the women above, who are so dependent on looks, and so insecure, that they'll hurt anyone they can to keep them on top of their image.

Women who don't smile. Issues, baggage. We all have bad days, but if it's chronic...they have things to get through before you try and cheer them up.

(In short- avoid the bitchy women. Like I really don't try to avoid bitchy women. You can't swing a dead cat by it's tail without hitting a bitchy woman! That always has been my main point! -- NG)

The women to go up to:

The ones in Barnes and Nobles. (Done that already on many occasions. News-flash: IT DOESN'T WORK!!! -- NG) Hehe. Or comic book shops. But really...

The ones who are nice to waiters, who leave a penny, who smile at babies and can leave the house without makeup.

Women who laugh outloud in public and don't look around to see who's watching them.

Women who maybe don't look perfect...they look nice, but not like they spent hours in the bathroom. In other words, NICE girls. Maybe her hair is a little out of place, maybe her shoes don't quite match, maybe she uses chapstick instead of lipstick. It's the old librarian stereotype...perfectly decent girls who just need a little love and acceptence to be knockouts. The nice girls who are bad for the right boy.

I don't know if that helped anything, or if you even wanted advice at all. But I want you to know that I share in your disapproval of women in general. In fact, any group of people as a whole is pretty stupid. It's the individuals that count. Don't give up hope, don't get too bitter. Bitterness is intimidating. In fact, I'm a little afraid right now. What if I suck?
Ooh, ick.

Oh, and one more things. Sometimes perfectly nice girls do bitchy things just because they're confused, desperate, and caught between a rock and a hard spot. We're all doing the best we can; sometimes girls suck conditionally, you know? Just don't be the victim.

(A lot of her letter was simply telling me what types of women I should go-after. Well, I don't think she's gotten the hint that I'm sick of going-after women because no one can possibly satisfy a chick's desires for more than a few minutes at a time- and I don't like the women in the U.S. anyway. Oh, do I really need to repeat myself? But she was being nice, and she brings-up the valid point of how I should be more discriminating in what women I pursue. Gee, I wish I wouldn't have to be the one doing all the pursuing all the time. It'd be nice if women would make a freaking EFFORT to ask guys-out once in a while. -- NG)

 

And so, I write back: (I was having a real shitty day when I wrote this. Can you tell?)

After a few minutes at your site, I started to get very sad.

Good to hear that a glimpse of my personal hell carries that much shock value to the uninitiated.

I find it discouraging to know that you're
so jaded and cynical about women, because it makes it
hard for women like me, who are essentially nice,
fair, and do NOT like to associate with the "women who
suck", to think that we'll ever find a nice man who
hasn't already been ruined. Selfish, shallow, and
utterly heartless women abound, but there are plenty
of people in fulfilling, loving relationships with
decent people, won't you agree?

I would agree that no matter how decent a human being is, no matter how moral or altruistic they are- they have a finite amount of hope which can only be stretched so far. Once you strip someone of hope, they start to think the darnedest thoughts- the vacuum left-behind by displaced hope easily gets filled with seething malice. I used to think the thoughts and do the doings of a decent human being. But as far as American women are concerned, I'm convinced they're entirely undeserving of the decency I could bestow on more worthy organisms. Like garden slugs, for instance.
How did I reach this conclusion? Simple: I've met women. The only difference between me and most men is that most men are willing to tolerate a woman if the sex isn't too bad.

Being a nice girl, I have fallen in smit with guys who
suck, bigtime, and maybe I can offer some insight.
While going for a guy I can't have/is no good for me
is definitely not what I set out to do, it happens for
a few reasons. First of all, I'm looking so hard for
someone to appreciate all that I can give, that when
someone finally comes along I'm impatient and eager to
please. These guys aren't interested in that, and so
what do I do? I try harder. I'm not a quitter...but
maybe sometimes I should be, you know? Secondly, women
and men alike want what they can't have. You know
how...when you see something you like... a book,
perhaps, or a CD, a computer or one of those highly
expensive new flatscreen TVs...you want it, a LOT. So
you work for it, and then you get it, and the
excitement is incredible. Finally, you've gotten what
you wanted. But after time, this fades, and even
though you may still appreciate what you have, soon
you're left wanting something else.

One should choose their desired possessions more wisely. I have pieces of art which I've bought years ago, and I never tire of seeing them.

It's hard to be
content with what we already have...always trying to
keep up with the Jones's. This applies to dating as
well. It's why men ogle beautiful women, women fall in
love with gay men, or players; it's why breaking up
hurts so much, even if it's the right time: because
suddenly we can't have something, and that makes it so
much more desirable.

There is a difference between wanting an object that you can put in your house and wanting wholesome human interaction. There's a world of difference. It's hard to get wholesome human interaction when female humans are, for the most part, f'd-up in the head.

I'm not an advocate of playing games, but I think some
of them are necessary. The best part of dating is the
anticipation, wondering if someone feels the same way,
wondering when and if something intimate will happen.
If you're being a nice guy, and being totally
available and willing, the excitement level lowers.

I know this sounds really bad...why should you have to
do anything but be yourself to attract women?

I'd love to be myself. It's women who are always insisting that men must change to better-pursue the oh-so precious attention of women- (as you yourself will imminently demonstrate.) Most men who are themselves soon come to realize that women can't be attracted with that.

I ask myself the same thing, but if everyone else is playing
by the rules, and you're not...then you alienate
yourself. So anyway. You might want to try being a
little more mysterious, perhaps? Be flirtatious, be
confident, maybe a little bit cocky (but not to the
point where it's annoying; a little too much
confidence can be charming at times), and be patient.
I know it's hard, being patient is not my forte.
(However, with your 40 day mission...yow...I don't
think I could ever do that, you must have crazy
willpower.) Flirt with women and just feel good about
it, don't worry about things until later.

Ooookay… you've advised me to be myself, yet I should 'be flirtatious', 'mysterious', 'cocky'. In short, I should be someone else. I'm sure you don't need me to point-out the paradox in your words. And do this all for what? For whom? Because female companionship might prove to be okay for the 10% of the time she's not trying to devour your soul?
Because I might change my personality to the point where I can attract the temporary gaze of creatures who are incapable of contributing *anything* substantial to a relationship?
Because a woman might like what she sees in me- until she finds a bigger, better deal from someone else?
Because I might become the focus of attention for someone who thinks that 'relationship' is code for 'trading sex for his blood and treasure'?
Please. I have no stomach for any of that. One could have more fulfilling relations with a blow-up doll. At least a dysfunctional personality isn't a concern with one of those. And there's the added advantage of silence when you want it.

If you go for coffee every day at a certain coffee
shop and occasionally there's a woman you think is
adorable, strike up a conversation, and maybe leave a
little early. Leave her anticipating more. It's all
about being slow...women love slow.

Ugh. Hon, I suggest you read Turned Down Again
Or
Trying to Meet Ms. Right in a Bookstore
Or even…
At the Bath and Bodywash Shop.

This isn't a result of 'just bad luck, so just keep trying'. No, these are typical, *random* experiences that serve to hammer-in the lesson that all guys learn with time: effort used to treat women with respect and fond interest will result in rejection at best, heartbreak at worst. I'd rather be awake through twelve hours of continually-botched *eye surgery* than play the shop-worn dating games that women have set-up to deliberately demolish our psyches and put us at mercy to their selfish whims.

As for the sucky women you speak of...I can spot them
from a mile away, it's a gift. I would call it women's
intuition, but I think that might offend. =o)

Or maybe it's you judging books by their covers. Which is fine if you tend to be correct in your conclusions when you do that.

I think it's just because, as a women, I can talk to other
women and get into their heads.

The women to stay away from:

The ones with perfect hair, clothing, nails, etc. This
is a highly cultivated look, it took a lot of time and
thought, and probably manipulation of people and
things. Ouch. The ones who look like glorified porn
stars. You so know what I'm talking about.

I rarely see women like these who I'm not repelled by.

Women who don't pump their own gas. Not only can I
pump my own gas, but I don't shy away from washing my
car, changing tires, checking and refilling the oil
(changing is something I have yet to learn), and other
good-enough maintentance tricks. What does this mean?
This means I'll try every resource available to open a
jar before I call up my guy friend. Women who are
self-reliant won't treat you like crap because they
don't need you to feel good about themselves, as
compared to the women above, who are so dependent on
looks, and so insecure, that they'll hurt anyone they
can to keep them on top of their image.

Women who don't smile. Issues, baggage. We all have
bad days, but if it's chronic...they have things to
get through before you try and cheer them up.

The women to go up to:

The ones in Barnes and Nobles. Hehe. Or comic book
shops. But really...

I'm not unattractive to women because I don't go to *enough* comic shops, it's because they take one look at me and assume I go to too many.

The ones who are nice to waiters, who leave a penny,
who smile at babies and can leave the house without
makeup.

Women who laugh outloud in public and don't look
around to see who's watching them.

Women who maybe don't look perfect...they look nice,
but not like they spent hours in the bathroom. In
other words, NICE girls. Maybe her hair is a little
out of place, maybe her shoes don't quite match, maybe
she uses chapstick instead of lipstick. It's the old
librarian stereotype...perfectly decent girls who just
need a little love and acceptence to be knockouts. The
nice girls who are bad for the right boy.

I'm not looking for perfection in a woman. I never expected to find it. I *have* dated women who aren't gorgeous. I did, however, expect to find a capacity to show affection that isn't triggered by how much I can do for them. I'm starting to believe that most women fundamentally lack the capacity to volunteer affection. They lack the ability much in the same way that I can't smell colors. Women don't give average men compliments out of the blue. They don't give gifts out of the blue to average men. They don't even so much as look at the average man unless he's flashing a handful of cash. Women do not volunteer anything positive; yet they insist that men always must.

I don't know if that helped anything, or if you even
wanted advice at all. But I want you to know that I
share in your disapproval of women in general. In
fact, any group of people as a whole is pretty stupid.
It's the individuals that count. Don't give up hope,
don't get too bitter. Bitterness is intimidating. In
fact, I'm a little afraid right now. What if I suck?
Ooh, ick.

I have no way of knowing if you suck. If you really want to know, you should look through the scraps of your own road-kill: ask the guys that you've rejected in the past. And make it clear to them that you asking them for this information does *not* mean that you're interested in them- that you're only hoping for honesty. They might not be up-front, because they want to protect your feelings. Demand they tell you the most horrible thoughts they've ever had about you. Tell them that you *need* to have your feelings hurt by being told the truth- that you will not accept any nice-sounding, sugar-coated lies from them. Only do this if you're unafraid of honesty, that is.
If they say they have *any* positive thoughts about you after you rejected them- most of them are probably lying. If you've rejected ten guys, chances are at least one of them wouldn't mind beating you into paste.

Oh, and one more things. Sometimes perfectly nice
girls do bitchy things just because they're confused,
desperate, and caught between a rock and a hard spot.
We're all doing the best we can; sometimes girls suck
conditionally, you know? Just don't be the victim.

It would be more gainful to make a woman miserable instead of making her happy. Only then will she feel like she's in a relationship worth having. -- NG

 

Jasper wrote: (I forgot to post this in time for V-day...)

Here's a lovely rant on Valentine's Day... Hope you enjoy it. Long, bastard-ly, but sadly true...

"I've always resented going to school on Valentine's Day and seeing all these clods walking around with pretty pink and red balloons and flowers and cards with sappy love poems and similar-looking lovey-dovey mushy-gushy crap.

The scene is always unbearably sickening...seeing all these couples together, carrying around all their tacky presents all day, probably pretending to be swept off their feet. If you're truly in love with someone, everyday should be Valentine's Day...you shouldn't have to wait until and look forward to one designated day of the year to go out of your way to express how much you love someone. To me, showering someone with tacky V-day gifts, flowers, and candy shows how willing you are to conform to tradition than actually express your love for someone. If I had a significant other at the moment, I'd use the holiday to escape with her...to get away from society, and show how much we love each other in non-tacky, non-over-the-top ways without pushing our expenditures toward unnecessary crap merchandise, all while making sure we avoid all the red, pink, and dumb Valentine's hype as well as every other couple out there entirely throughout the day and into the night. Our day would be real.

But, being as single as I am, I'm going to act like it's just another ordinary day. If someone wants to send me a heart-shaped box full of gourmet candy, feel free.

Other that that, screw your lovey-dovey crap.

(Oh, how I grinned at that. -- NG)

 

As always- keep the messages coming-in!

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"I had learned my lesson: Date abusive guys, but keep the relationships short. That way you can get your sexual kicks, but not have a strong emotional attachment... So, I was looking for a challenge: a dreamboat of emotional inaccessibility, as congenitally unable to show me kindness as any Marlboro man... he had the core quality of aloofness I was going for. He didn't really seem like he needed me. I wanted _____'s approval, to be sure, but only when mixed with disdain. When I could coax his sullenness into tenderness, it gave me a bigger charge than if he had been gentle all the time. What greater power could there be than winning such reluctant approval? ...Plainly, I needed the high that came from the power struggle." -- Noelle Howey.

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