Even More Reader Feedback

Yes, yes. It keeps coming-in. Bags and bags of it... all of it for 'Kris Kringle'! Er... pardon the stupid "Miracle on 34th Street" reference.

I think I should say something here in response to everyone that's written-in: I know I make a lot of generalizations, but it's really hard to make the points I'm trying to make without using generalizations. And you know what? Never once do I say than men don't suck, too. As for the people who write me to call me names... they only do that because they know they can't argue with my points, so they try to demolish my character.

But one thing that I've been pleasantly surprised by... every now and then a woman will write me saying something like: "I thought this site was going to be some kind of right-wing women-trashing... but you actually make a lot of valid points." Shrug. Well, what can I say? I'm actually a fairly moderate guy (and I don't think it's fair to say that right-wingers are necessarily 'women-haters' per sé). My right-wing friends tell me I'm too liberal and my liberal friends tell me I'm too right wing. I guess I'm just about somewhere in the middle, then. I'm not out to appeal to 'angry white males', but I'm out to appeal to men of all races as well as women who are fair. I've gotten messages from Latin, Black and Asian men who tell me more or less the same thing: "You said it right! Boy, I've been feeling the way you feel for a long time." More and more, men tend to confide: it really does feel that we live in a hostile, female-oriented society. Women exploit a power-source that comes from our pain and confusion.

Men absorb so much blame and so much scapegoating that we sometimes want to smash our own skulls-in just to stop experiencing it. If you're a man who treats women nicely, yet doesn't have a lot of money or is the slightest bit unattractive, you might as well be a piece of freakin' furniture. If she says she just wants to be 'friends', that is all you will ever be- until you win the lottery, that is (she still leaves the door open to that possibility).

So far, it seems that all the nice guys out there seem to have learned the same lessons: good-heartedness can not make-up for having a lighter-than average wallet, and no reward is obvious from not treating a woman like shit.

Heh, what can I say, ladies? It's supply and demand: more guys will get nice if more nice guys get laid. (Instead of getting screwed).

OfTheMoon (a woman) writes: Titled "EvilGuy? What a crock!"

I have to admit, I agree with a lot of the things you have to say, and overall I think you are a great person, with high standards and integrity.

I know that you are not dumb, but I feel that you think your readers are complete idiots.

When did NiceGuy start ticking me off? Umm, gee, I guess I can't get upset with "NiceGuy" because all the blame goes to "EvilGuy". Whatever! So let me see, you have to "create" this character to justify your not-so-nice actions??? Genial, isn't it? Hey, I'm not responsible, EvilGuy did it, not me!

Oh and why does everything have to be about men and women? Why not people in general?

Of course you are having a hard time with relationships! You are expecting these girls to do a woman's job! Not possible!

My Reasoned Reply... Titled "EvilGuy IS a crock!"

Thank you for writing...

>I have to admit, I agree with a lot of the things you
>have to say, and overall I think you are a great
>person, with high standards and integrity.

Well, thank you very much. That means a lot to me. I really appreciate hearing from people who know how to disagree without resorting to accusing me of bastardry.

>I know that you are not dumb, but I feel that you
>think your readers are complete idiots.

Absolutely not- indeed, some of my best material comes from my readers. If I'm ever condescending, it's because not everyone is interested in the same historical and literary stuff that I'm interested in and I'll have to explain things so that people can better-understand my metaphors. I sometimes have to be careful because I can be damn obscure at times. For instance, if I ever refer to womens' studies programs as 'Lysenkoist thinking' (and I probably will in a future article), then I'll have to explain what 'Lysenkoist thinking' IS of course. No insult is meant to the audience.
I CERTAINLY do not mean to talk-down to my audience, as I think my audience tends to be quite thoughtful... yes, it's hard to attain a certain level of attitude which doesn't make me appear to be an overbearing, intellectual snob considering my rather wry sense of humor.

>When did NiceGuy start ticking me off? Umm, gee, I
>guess I can't get upset with "NiceGuy" because all the
>blame goes to "EvilGuy". Whatever! So let me see, you
>have to "create" this character to justify your
>not-so-nice actions??? Genial, isn't it? Hey, I'm not
>responsible, EvilGuy did it, not me!

You know, I've been waiting a while for someone to spot that...

In Bill Keane's comic strip "Family Circus", there's a ghostly outline of a character named "Not I".
"Billy, who spilled the orange juice?"
"Not I!" Billy replies, pointing to the ghost in the corner.
Naturally, "Not I" is who kids universally blame their bad behavior on.

I tacitly DO accept responsibility for what I do. I make it pretty darn obvious that EvilGuy is just me referring to myself in the third person.
Yes, EvilGuy *is* a blatantly cheap ploy for me to avoid all personal responsibility for bad things that I do. In fact, I designed this ploy to be as obvious as possible about it. Why do I let myself give-in to the temptation of being bad? Because- I just don't *care* about being nice to American women anymore. I just don't. There's *nothing* in it for me or for any other nice guy. There's no reward in it and it's a total waste of effort.

Now, here's my rhetorical question for you to think about: if I can't blame my bad behavior on EvilGuy, then WHY the hell can women blame their bad behavior on PMS?? Why is it women will resort to almost *any* tactic to avoid taking responsibility for their wrongdoings? Why is it that feminists refer to ANY attempt at attributing women as the cause of any social problems as 'blaming the victim'?
In "Waiting to Exhale", the woman burns her man's car and the audience is led to think it's actually the man's fault. Is she less responsible for what she does? The movie audience obviously thinks so! I've merely used my own version of what the PMS/unaccountability ploys are to women. You're holding me to a higher standard than what you'd hold women to, obviously. If ANY woman can use PMS as an excuse to act like Tamberlane hopped-up on Phencyclidine, then EvilGuy has the right to exist in my stories, gosh-darn it.

>Oh and why does everything have to be about men and
>women? Why not people in general?

Oh, I throw-in plenty about people in general. Friends I interact with, my family members. I'll probably write things about life in Japan. It's not all about men and women, but my site has a theme to it and my articles necessarily revolve around a central theme. I don't want to stray too far off-topic. That's why.

>Of course you are having a hard time with
>relationships! You are expecting these girls to do a
>woman's job! Not possible!

Hah! That was cute. Thanks for writing, -- NG

(You know, now that I think about it I don't ever recall ever seeing a woman in Taiwan use PMS as an excuse for acting-up. Hmm... Makes you think... -- NG)

Mangonel (a dude) writes:

I as a fellow nice-guy recently stumbled upon your website, and it has helped me greatly. Before now I've tried to be the guy that all women say they want to meet, sensitive, nice, and genuinely caring. Your website has helped me realize that nice guys really do finish last. I held out on the fickle hope that maybe women just weren't sure of what they wanted at this point. (Well, I don't think they grow-out of that until... maybe age 40 or so. And regardless of her age, the emptier a woman's head is, the less-inclined she feels to fill it. -- NG) I've always been the fall-back guy, the boyfriend of last resort. Although it may seem radically cynical of me, I just want what's coming to me, and being nice isn't having any benefits. I apologize if this is one large rant, but finally, I've found someone with the same problem as I have. (Heh, you, me and just about ten million other guys out there. But here's how we normally turn-out: we either find a girl, turn asshole... or move abroad. I feel like taking option three. But think of it this way: a woman can do to your life what bacteria can do to water. -- NG)

Wanda (a woman) writes:

I think your site is great - I didn't feel personally attacked as a female at all. I expected this to be female bashing, but I think you make some very good points. I think you have listed some truly heinous behavior, but I can't apologize for my evil sisters any more than you can my reparations for all the nasty men.

You don't realize that the rules differ depending on where you live. I live in the rural midwest where the old ideas haven't changed much. Women are expected to look pretty and not say much. I have an advanced degree, which makes me damaged merchandise. (Oh, American women have it so bad! Boo-hoo! Boo freakin' hoo! -- NG) Men here do not want a woman with more education than them, even if the woman doesn't have a problem with it. Women here play the game of acting dumb so that men won't feel threatened. If a woman offers to buy dinner/movie, she is told that she is too independent and will never find a man. I've been told by a number of dates that my offering to pay was insulting. Figure that one out. (That's a pretty good excuse for her to never offer again, huh? -- NG)

I just ended a relationship with a man who self-identified as a "nice guy." Let me tell you - he was not a nice guy. He demanded every minute of my time, even if I had work deadlines to meet. He said that he just enjoyed my company and what was wrong with me that I didn't want to spend time with a "nice guy." He would ask if he could come over nearly every day. If I told he couldn't come over because I had work or some other committment, he would show up anyway to "surprise" me. Then he would ask what was wrong with me that I wasn't excited about him stopping by to surprise me, even when I had told him that I was busy. He met my friend and then proceeded to regularly call her, her sister, and my coworkers to ask their opinion on how he could get me to fall for him. He asked for sex on the second date and every date after that. I made him wait for awhile because I want to know a man before I get naked with him. He said that indicated that I had some sexual issues. He repeatedly told me that his problem with women was that he was a nice guy and women only want assholes. I guess he's said it enough that he's started to believe it. So now I have to avoid not only the assholes, but also the guys who think they're nice guys but are really manipulative. I thought perhaps if I moved away from this area I would have better luck. After reading your site, I've decided that the real problem is that the nice people are so tired of going out and meeting users that we're all sitting at home. We never hook up because we've taken ourselves out of the dating game. A lot of nice people are doomed to grow old alone because we've given up. Meanwhile the evil people are out there terrorizing everyone.

I'll make you a deal - the next time I'm out and I see a vixen - I'll kick her ass and make her cry. In your honor, of course. It's the least I can do. (Laff! I love this girl! Open a can o' whoop-ass for me! -- NG)

Quoth I...

Thanks for writing..

>I think your site is great - I didn't feel personally attacked as a female at all. I expected this to be female bashing, but I think you make some very good points. I think you have listed some truly heinous behavior, but I can't apologize for my evil sisters any more than you can my reparations for all the nasty men.

Jeepers, you are *awesome* for saying so...

>You don't realize that the rules differ depending on where you live.

You know, I hadn't really thought much about that... Most of the women I meet are urban, albeit from different urban areas. Hmm, good point you bring-up.

>I have an advanced degree, which makes me damaged merchandise. Men here do not want a woman with more education than them, even if the woman doesn't have a problem with it.

Well, I have no problem at all with well-educated women at all... in fact, I find intelligence to be VERY sexy. In my experience, women don't mind a guy who's intelligent... and if a guy happens to be more intelligent than she, she'll secretly say to herself "Well, he may have book smarts, but I've got superior intuition..." or something along those lines. *Shrug*

>If a woman offers to buy dinner/movie, she is told that she is too independent and will never find a man. I've been told by a number of dates that my offering to pay was insulting. Figure that one out.

I would *LOVE* it if a woman offered to pay on a date. I mean, typically, whenever I went to dinner with a woman and the check arrives, she'd scuttle-on over to the Ladies' room while I fulfill my gender role of shelling-out the dough. And she does this REGARDLESS of whether or not she makes more money than me. Is this dating or is it her version of welfare?

>I just ended a relationship with a man who self-identified as a "nice guy." Let me tell you - he was not a nice guy. He demanded every minute of my time, even if I had work deadlines to meet. He said that he just enjoyed my company and what was wrong with me that I didn't want to spend time with a "nice guy."

I have to agree with you- he wasn't a true nice guy. (In fact, his emotional-manipulative tactics sound mighty female to me. -- NG)

>He repeatedly told me that his problem with women was that he was a nice guy and women only want assholes. I guess he's said it enough that he's started to believe it. So now I have to avoid not only the assholes, but also the guys who think they're nice guys but are really manipulative.

I don't THINK I'm manipulative.. but a lot of women write me insisting that I'm *actually* a manipulator who uses niceness to entrap a female. I honestly have to say that I've always entered a relationship NOT wanting a woman to feel entrapped or manipulated... I guess... I give nice treatment in hopes that a woman will do the same right back. Is that manipulation, or is it doing unto others?

>A lot of nice people are doomed to grow old alone because we've given up.

And some of us move to a different country...

>I'll make you a deal - the next time I'm out and I see a vixen - I'll kick her ass and make her cry. In your honor, of course. It's the least I can do.

Oh, that would be *awesome* of you! Thanks, coolgirl! -- NG

The_Shill (A woman) writes...

Dude, You need the Professor, Tom Leykis, nationally syndicated radio talk show host, who is the creator of Leykis 101, his on-air program for teaching men
how to "get more tail for less $$". Check out his site at blowmeuptom.com. (And no, I'm not going to provide a link to it. You can go there yourself to check it out if you want, reader, but I don't recommend leaving my site for any reason under the sun. -- NG)

I hope this helps you. You spend way too much time ranting and updating your web page. (Oh, I get it. If I were to stop writing, I'd have a bunch of girls jumping into my lap. Yeah, right. I literally have nothing to lose by typing from now till doomsday, ya hear me? No sodding female will ever make an effort to distract me from my writings. They're all too busy going after the complete bastards. 'Spend too much time', bah! I spent too much time trying to please the bitch-half of the country. -- NG) You need to be out there looking for women using Tom's method. Good luck.

(She obviously hasn't comprehended one word that I've written... That I'm sick of trying to make the effort in pleasing women since they can not be pleased. And that American chicks are not even worth it anyways due to the head-full of bad wiring and loony-tune characteristics they've got going-on in spades. I'm not here to buy dating advice, I'm here to talk about why women suck! She grasps at my shadow yet totally misses my substance. This woman's peasant ramblings amused me greatly, though. Oh, how I grinned. -- NG)

What do I say?

>You need the Professor, Tom Leykis, nationally syndicated radio talk show host, who is the creator of Leykis 101, his on-air program for teaching men how to "get more tail for less $$". Check out his site at blowmeuptom.com.
>I hope this helps you. You spend way too much time ranting and updating your web page. You need to be out there looking for women using Tom's method.

Hah, well, I appreciate your saleswomanship- you're very persuasive.

The fact of the matter is, I'm moving to Japan soon and I intend to be myself over there. I'm not going to play any games or use any store-bought techniques to manipulate women. I'm going to be 100% me.

That's all I can be, after all. Thanks for writing, -- NG

Khalid (master of the one-line email) says:

Men and women are on totally different planets. Let's not try and psycho-analyse why.

I reply...

>Men and women are on totally different planets. Let's not try and psycho-analyse why.

I suppose you're right about different planets... but the analysis makes for SUCH good entertainment, no?

Thanks for writing -- NG

Ally writes:

yeh some women can b bitches and some are stuck up. Not all are, ok yeah I know alot who are...but I have a few friends who do n e thing but suck, they are amazing people. Im sorry u cant see that u have wrongly accused the gender of the female race. I hope someday that a woman proves u wrong and u realize ur making an ass of urself...same w/ the guyz not all suck.

And NiceGuy? What does he say?

>yeh some women can b bitches and some are stuck up. Not all are, OK yeah I know alot who are...but I have a few friends who do n e thing but suck, they are amazing people. IM sorry u cant see that u have wrongly accused the gender of the female race. I hope someday that a woman proves u wrong and u realize ur making an ass of urself...same w/ the guyz not all suck.

Hi Ally, thanks for writing... I don't think I've wrongly accused the female gender of anything. I mainly think women have trouble seeing the ways in which they behave unfairly.

Yes, someday a woman might prove me wrong. Yes, I hope that's true... but it'll be a real shocker if she does. Thanks for writing -- NG

SiegeEngine writes:

Liar! Women do not like sex! Who told you that?! All lies! Bah!

I write back:

>Liar! Women do not like sex! Who told you that?! All lies! Bah!

Hah! Well, they are stingy with the sex when you don't have a lot of fame or money... However, your sentiment is *definitely* what it feels like when you're not getting any. Nowadays, women have at least three options when it comes to the sexual initiative: falling back on the traditional 'female' role (being passive), accepting the stereotyped-traditional 'male' role (being the active mover with negligible consequences)... and an escape route with the 'victim' role (having a man punished if all of a sudden she decides she doesn't like his sexual advances for whatever reason). But for all practical purposes, the present 'male' role only gives us one option, and it's not even a halfway decent option! By default, we are expected to be the active mover in any sexual initiation- yet we also have the possibility of going to jail hanging over our heads if we try to initiate a relationship with a nutball at a time when it pisses her off. The real decision-making ability is always in her hands no matter what. If she decides to lock her legs together until you've fulfilled X number of her demands, and then wants you to go to jail after you've seen her naked, what possible defense do you have? None! Her word always reigns supreme and she is accountable to no one and no thing! But you obviously already know all that. Thanks for writing. -- NG

WingFellow, (a guy) sends regards:

FInally a site with a guy with a evil twin and intelligence. I see you know your history well, and tell it which i like very much, even learned a lil something. You know, i dont think IM a NiceGuy, but i dont know what i am. The girls i like, i showered them with love, equality, showed my intellect, and the like, but...well you know, but the ones i didnt like, i was fluorescent with physical disgust with them, and did they get the message that i REALLY wanna be left alone.......???, but they got worse with the attention. One day i figured it all out. Girls i loved and showered, some were okay, but the ones that increased my impatience and I, unthoughtfully in the spurt of animalism, quoted something crude..AH their good behavior was so insulted...but guess what happens a few days later? They come around smiling and all that...you know. And like you, i dont wanna have to be mean to someone to get them to like me, because IM a nice person inside. Ive already planned that when i marry, it will be a woman without american feminine culture. I mean IM sure you thought about it, would you want to marry a woman coated in urban American culture? I dont think so. Id like to marry someone who loves me for me, likes being treated well, and the like. Hope you do good in Japan my man.

(Thanks for saying! Well, the thought of marrying an American woman terrifies me. When I was at my Sister's house, she asked me to sort the mail for her while she put-away the groceries. It was a little striking: Hubby got most of the bills, Sis got all the mail-order catalogs. Based on what I know from my married friends, it seems like the more the husband gives the wife, the lazier and more demanding she'll become regardless of whether or not she works her own job. Oh, sure she might chip-in for the electricity bill- but fancy dinners and theater tickets? She can hump him for those while fooling herself into thinking she's not. They go on and on about equal rights, yet refuse to hold-up their end of the deal once the mortgage payment is due. And their attitudes towards men? Who the hell wants to marry a woman who thinks you're a worthless loser because you're male? And look at the divorce rates: something like 75% of all divorces in the U.S. are initiated by the woman over the objections of the man. One of my aunts is on her fifth divorce. Fifth! What does that tell me? That women in the US are ready to leave a marriage basically whenever it strikes their fancy to do so- naturally they'll say it's the man's fault because in her mind it always is. That's a scary arrangement, it's a house built on quicksand. I'd like to have a partner that I can actually rely on instead of a woman who'll just bail the instant it's convenient for her. Someone who will stick with me through tough times because she loves me instead of someone who'll use 'feeling trapped' or 'I've got to find myself' as an excuse to get away. And then have her take the house and half my possessions as she goes to find some mythical man with zero faults. It's not so much that American women merely want to have their cake and eat it too. Oh, no- they also want the man to bake it, decorate it and give it to them free of charge. And then get a new baker when your cake starts to get a little too boring for her fickle taste. Thanks for writing. -- NG)

TheresaM (a woman) writes:

I do sympathize when you say there are a lot of sexist, bigotted women. There just are and there is no excuse for them. I have heard a lot of women retort that men deserve it after all that women have been put through. A lot of people loose sight of the fact that these vengeful, short-sighted excuse acomplishes nothing more than more slandering and pain for both sides of the spectrum.
I would just like to remind you that there are a lot of bigots period. I'm sure you are aware that there are a lot of men who have been screwed over by women there whole lives. There are also a lot of women who have been screwed over by men thier whole lives. There are a lot of people who have been screwed over by people thier whole lives. With every division in the human race that have had a history with each other there has been indignation on either side. And it has been this way since the beginning of human history.
I apreciate that your mind is still open to women who treat men as equals. However I feel a real sinking feeling in my gut when I see web pages like this.
I am a feminist and I am not a feminist out of hatred or bitterness or a feeling of disenfranchisement. I have been made a feminist out of fear. I am scared for the world and for what people will do to each other because of shortsighted, vengeful excuses. (That's right- so she subscribes to an ideology which, by virtue of its name alone, would seem to acknowledge only one half of the planet. -- NG) When I hear people slandering women and making broad generalizations about women I am brought back to the fact that when I meet with most of the bigoted world, I will never be any more than that generalization, just as you may be doomed to the marginalization of bigotted women. That and how recently and quickly women have made the gains they have and how quickly and easily these gains can be taken away. I hate to sound so hackneyed but, it is true-silence is violence and yadda yadda yadda. It is the willing and open minded that have to strain to get thier voices heard. For this reason I must really appreciate you being so honest and opening an honest discution on the topic of backlash and sexist women. However, people will alays look to easy answers and therefore the willing and open minded are rarely heard. When people come to read your web page and it is overwhelmingly titled women suck- that is all that people will take away from it. And there are plenty of people ready to put it into practice in the most hateful ways.
I am sorry that you have been the victim of careless women but, I ask that you rise above it. (Laff! Yes, she demands fair play. Oh, women don't insist on fair play coming from themselves of course, but insist on it coming from everyone else. -- NG) Please re-organize your page so that it is a useful and equally sided discution on the topic, not a means to vent on display to the public. I am afraid that there are not enough kind and intelegent people that will read beyond the generalization that women suck and that only a minority of us women are capable, reasonable or inteligent.
I trust that if you are as nice and worldly as you claim to be, you will read past the cheesey, 'we are the world', PC sound of this e mail and see that I am making an earnest attempt to hear your complaint and ask that you hear mine. Thanks

My Response to this very well-written letter:

Thank you for writing, and I think your email has to be among the three most reasoned messages I've gotten yet. And I've gotten quite a lot of messages.

>I do sympathize when you say there are a lot of sexist, bigotted women. There just are and there is no excuse for them. I have heard a lot of
>women retort that men deserve it after all that women have been put through. A lot of people loose sight of the fact that these vengeful,
>shortsighted excuse acomplishes nothing more than more slandering and pain for both sides of the spectrum.

True. I'm openly ready to admit: I say an awful lot of nasty things. Many are generalizations, and a few are even valid. I can say them because- I just don't care about not saying them anymore. What do I have to lose? Female affection? I never really got much of that in the first place despite trying to do everything that women said they wanted men to do. I have NOTHING TO LOSE.

I think the reason why I sound as if I've been deeply wounded is because in western society, men aren't raised or socialized to defend themselves against the dark side of the female character. Our society over-exposes the light side of the female character while over-emphasizing the dark side of the male character.
Most women won't even acknowledge that their dark side exists. Men are brought-up to be ashamed of themselves and defend themselves against other men- but men who learn how to defend themselves against women only do so through hard-won experience. It's hard for many women to even so much as *recognize* the dark side of their own characters, so it's a huge deception and many men are totally hoodwinked by it. If my mom ever said to me something like: "some women will try to use love, shame, guilt and a host of other powerful emotions as coercive thumb-screws. Some women will try to take advantage of your affection. Some women will try to blame you for everything no matter what." I might've been far better-prepared for life.
They only way for a man to come to terms with the truth about women nowadays is to do so through a baptism of fire- it is sometimes a deeply-wounding psychological process. Only by coming to terms with both sides of a woman can the woman become fully human.

I guess... I was socialized to see the good side of the female character. I really believed in it. But then, I started to wonder why it felt like I was experiencing an unseen (yet massive) dark side? Oh, how I fought against that feeling. I fought against it like a fish on a hook. But one day, I just woke-up and the ONLY thing I saw about females was their dark side.
Naturally, it makes one recoil in horror to realize that one has spent years believing in a lie. Germans recoiled in horror when the excesses of Nazism were exposed. Russians recoiled in horror when the excesses of Stalin were exposed. You can understand my disillusionment- it's part of a reconciliation process that people go through once they realize that they invested part of their psychology into a pernicious fraud. Germans woke-up one morning and said "Holy crow, our leadership was a pack of evil loonies!" It must've been quite a traumatic feeling, I must say.

>I apreciate that your mind is still open to women who treat men as equals. However I feel a real sinking feeling in my gut when I see web pages like this.
>I am a feminist and I am not a feminist out of hatred or bitterness or a feeling of disenfranchisement. I have been made a feminist out of fear.

Adhering to a movement because of fear isn't healthy. I would think it'd be much healthier to do so out of strong convictions.
If it makes you feel better: I don't advocate the subjugation of women. I don't advocate stripping women of their right to vote or right to work. I only demand that women acknowledge the dark side of femininity and the areas in which they continue to hold unfair amounts of power and to actually DO something about it (I mean, really do something) much in the same way that men were forced to acknowledge and do something about the excesses of masculinity. Perhaps I use foul language and crass stereotyping to achieve this message, yes I concede that.

>For this reason I must really appreciate you being so honest and opening an honest discution on the topic of backlash and sexist women.

Well, I really appreciate you saying that.

> However, people will alays look to easy answers and therefore the willing and open minded are rarely heard. When people come to read your web page
>and it is overwhelmingly titled women suck- that is all that people will take away from it. And there are plenty of people ready to put it into
>practice in the most hateful ways.

I know I give the impression that I'm bending the stick too-far in one direction... but if I've bent the stick too far in one direction, it is because it has already been bent even farther in the opposite direction. The 'men suck' attitude is so deeply-embedded in everyday life, no one ever stops to question it. It's accepted as fact by far too many. You don't need a page devoted to illustrating the dark side of the male character, because it's already been so over-played. No one can escape it for long, in fact. The 'men suck' attitude goes without saying nowadays- which is truly sad.

I write in the style I do because, to quote Sylvia Ann Hewlett, "...our oppressors are usually deaf to reasoned whispers."

>I am sorry that you have been the victim of careless women but, I ask that you rise above it. Please reorganize your page so that it is a
>useful and equally sided discution on the topic, not a means to vent on display to the public. I am afraid that there are not enough kind and
>intelegent people that will read beyond the generalization that women suck and that only a minority of us women are capable, reasonable or
>inteligent.
>I trust that if you are as nice and worldly as you claim to be, you will read past the cheesey, 'we are the world', PC sound of this e mail and
>see that I am making an earnest attempt to hear your complaint and ask that you hear mine. Thanks

Yes, spouting hate isn't helpful. But then, neither is the opposite: pretending that everything is perfectly okay when things clearly are not. Us humans have a habit of doing both regardless of the circumstances.

There *are* balanced sites out there, and based on your letter, I'll make an effort to find them and emphasize more links to them and perhaps take-away some of the more hateful links. Thanks for writing -- NG (And later, she writes a response to a message that I sent telling her that I updated the links. -- NG)

Joogend (a male) Writes:

It's so true, your site, it speaks so much truth.

The one that i really like is the story about how women are attracted to wealth and power. One girl i know, lets call her Kiera.

First of Keira isn't the hottest of all girls. But i've known her since i was little. We were just acquaintances, the occasional Hi and all. In grade 11 we became awesome friends. Soon she became one of my best friends. We were always talking, joking and stuff. Then one day she wanted to go see a movie, and she made it sound like she just wanted to go just me and her, and she called her friend to come along so it wouldn't be so awkward but she wasn't home. I know she wanted to try a date with me or something like that because usually when we go to the movies ALL our friends come. She called it off and i told her, what are you afraid to go to the movies alone with me? She said no and agreed to meet me at the movies. Recently i had gotten over my pervious girlfriend and thought what the hell, she's nice, she's kinda cute, and there's nothing wrong with her. I didn't know if she liked me but hell we were friends and we could just count it as 2 friends going to a movie

So we met up at the movies and had a laugh at the movies. A few other friends were watching another movie and they saw us after and they all assumed we were going out. But i denied it, just said we were going to the movies, and i know Pam caught drift of it and she didn't mention a thing to me and she usually would when some gossip as juicy as this was floating around. I eventually i told her that i liked her, and things became better between the both of us in the next few days. Things were totally awesome, I was happy, happy with my love life, and then she told me she liked me and my jaw just dropped. I asked her out and she said yes.

It lasted one weekend. In that whole time we kissed once and put my arm around her while watching a movie (yea that was very awkward for me because she'd always been this great friend). Anyhow whens he broke up with me i was kind of expecting it. But she became a total bitch after that.

Stopped being a friend, called me creepy after reading my livejournal entry, everything but a friend. She's tried to be nice to my face but i know what she does to my back. And i know the exact reason why she broke up with me. I'm not good looking. I'm damned sure it's not my personality, every girl i talk to is like, awwwwww you're so sweet, even girls that i dont' even know over the internet, ask me what i'd do for a girls brithday, i reply, and they're like awwwwww you're so sweet i wish i could have a boyfriend like you. HELLLLLLO I'm right here, but why don't you give me the chance. EASY

a) I don't have the looks, and i definitely don't have much charm because i'm a shy guy
b) I'm more on the skinny side, the metabolism keeps me lean and skinny
c) I'm not super popular, and my family isn't rich like some people (Kiera)

Kiera would always say when i grow up I'm gonna have a lakeside house, and a rich husband, blah blah blah. I know my other girlfriend of 3 months would say that as a joke, but this Keira i knew was the truth. She could not be going out with some guy like me. No looks, no money, no charm. So she dumped me which was fine with me, i didn't want to be with her anyways.

It just proves that even girls you think you know sometimes, turn out to be the most corrupt.

I KNOW almost for a fact that if i ever became rich and single, that immedialty, low and behold , flocks of young girls. But if i held a modest job, make an honest living, no girl for me. I don't know how the world revolves today. I mean i might be sounding pissed off because I'm single and have pretty much always been single, but i mean, the morals people. What ever happened to personality? I mean sure there are SOME genuine relationships at school, but most of them are not. Most of the guys just want to get laid and most of the girls have a boyfriend for the sake of the popularity contest at school.

I mean, i know some girls that are afraid of wanting a boyfriend because of what is normally seen in society and dammit, those guys give ALL guys a bad image. I'm not out to have sex with the first girlfriend i can get. I'm not out to put my hand up your shirt. I mean i just want someone honest, and truthful, and fun to be with. NONE of which i have seen in girls at my school. I mean i thought i had found someone, but nope there isn't any hope for me. ALL because I'm not that good looking, you know?

The only girl that i think I've found closest to being like me lives far away from me. I found her on the Internet, and chatted with her. She's exactly like me pretty much, stupid jokes we laugh our asses on, stealing each other's phrase's, and just silly little things like that. She complains about not being able to find a sincere guy and i complain about not being able to find a sincere girl. Now mind y ou we haven't seen each others pics yet, but i wanna try and workup to a point where she will want to see ap ic and see how this sort of friendship gose downhill once she finds out I'm not as good looing as she thinks

BUt i mean she could be sincere who knows, but i'll never meet her so it doesn't matter. But i wish i could find someone like her around here. But then comes looks again , looks looks, looks. After reading your joining the gym article i don't even wanna go to the gym and tone my body up anymore for fear of being what other people want instead of being myself.

NOW, i know you're thinking what the hell, why is this kid bitching so much about not finding a girlfriend or love at 16? For me at least i fear being alone. I fear my looks will land me in the single status at age 35. The fear of rejection, why i can't just go up to some girl and say hi, I'm so and so and start a conversation. hell if i did that most girls would think I'm trying to con them into a rape session or something. Now why should i fear being alone now? Some people have relationships before the end of high school like me. And you know the odd girl looks at people and stuff. Hell I'm not the best looking person , an dnot the worst looking person, but hell i can barely raise a head in my direction, except when i open my mouth to say something.

Popularity and Attraction play a big part in this society, and that is what's ruining modern life, and a lot plays on the media. Many girls i know are dieting at a young age, so they can fit into smaller clothes and be more attractive, and some girls say i wish i could be as skinny as you. Some , lets say chubby girls are attractive. I happen to know one myself. I think she is attractive, in her personality and she's cute. Let's be honest looks does play a part in it. But she doesn't like me but that' alright we're great friends. People think that you guys gotta look perfect together like in the movies to be a good couple. Hell something like that even happened in one of my old love letters.

This girl said that "you see it all the time in the movies, and then i wake up from my dream and realize it's a reality". IT DID make me feel special, BEFORE she left me, but exactly, she compared me to the movies, to a fantasy life where one an only dream of living. One where money, looks, and power dominate everything else. One thing that i don't have, one I'll never have. I'll never have superb looks, never be rich to the point where i own a million dollar house and 3 BMW's, and most likely will NEVER have power. That lowers significantly my chances of a girl, due to the crappy society of now, but DAMMIT I AM WHO I AM. Screw you girls. If the first thing you can see in me is that I'm not good looking then SCREW YOU WITH A PASSION. I am a human being. Some people are a little scratched up and not polished entering the world like me. Unlike toys you can return and get a new one, you can't send me back, so live with it. I'm not asking you to have sex with me or marry me on the spot. Is it so hard for people to just take a look inside me and see who i really am ? but because the cookie jar is ugly, does that mean the cookies aren't tasty? I guess so in today's world huh.

Think about that girls

(Who can add one word more than what he's already said? -- NG)

Rebbi (a young woman) writes:

I have been sitting hear reading your site. Some things I agree with about women who are stuck up. We sometimes can be. I try not to be, but at the same time I sometimes catch myself being that way. But, at the same time you say that women suck, males do too. For the past eighteen years I have been the friend to many male friends. Just like you have to females. Whenever they have a problem they come to me to help them through their problems. The good friend that I am to them I always make time to listen to them and help them figure out how they should ask this girl out, or if they should leave them alone. All at the same time (one in particular) I have strong feelings for them.
IT is true that women do hurt males a lot. But it is also true that men hurt women a lot. You say that women are so stuck on looks and money and things. But men are as well. I sit down and listen to them and that is all they talk about. How hot this girl is and how much they want to do her. (Well, how often do you hear a guy say he wants to have sex with a woman based on how much money she has? -- NG).
You are not the only one who gets hurt. I have been hurt many of times by males. I hope you realize that males are not the only ones who get the shaft. Women do too. (Yes, I know that's true. The only difference is: in society, all we really hear about is the men who shaft women. Women who shaft men are thought to be aberrations, they are actually typical. In fact, they've built an entire lifestyle out of it. -- NG)

TallNiceGuy writes:

I feel your pain. I'm also a niceguy, or at least that's what I'm constantly told by the women who won't date me. I'm also told that I'm cute, charming, funny, and sweet. I too had a psycho fiancee...notice the had. She broke up with me because and I quote, "I'm boring". Sorry if I hardly feeling like trying after two years of being completely unappreciated. I took her to the coast for our one year anniversary. Not even a thank you. I don't expect anymore than some appreciation and love, apparently that's too much to ask. That's really just the tip of the iceberg, but I'd don't want to bore with details. I found what you said about the 20/20 segement on height discrimination. I'm 6'8", yes, really, honest. Reiterating what I said before about being told that I'm cute, charming, funny, and sweet, most guys seem to think that I'd have no problem getting women. I've actually been told that before, complete strangers, men, see me, come up to me and make one of two comments, or both. "Do you play basketball?" (No, I'm a fencer.) and "I bet you get all the women." Most the time I don't burst out laughing. Anyways, I've all but given up also. I'm thinking Tibetan Monkhood isn't looking too shabby. Hey, at least I'd have an orange robe. Keep up the good work and good luck to you.

My paraphrased response?

I'm shocked that what he said is true. I'd always assumed that tall guys have it easier. Naturally, I'd always assumed that women would be at least curious about whether or not a guy like him has a massive dick. (Seriously: the whole 'does size matter?' debate is a waste of time. If you don't have a schlong that can gag her from the inside-out, she'll always inwardly think to herself that she can find somebody else out there who does have one. Nothing is ever is good enough if the princess thinks she's entitled to something a little bigger or better.)

But the whole monkhood thing is seriously under-rated by our society. I've visited a few Buddhist temples and the men there seemed quite focused and content. They also don't take wives. Coincidence? I think not. I could immediately see the main positive aspect of their lifestyle. Thanks for writing. -- NG

Teela (a young woman) writes:

Hiya...I'm only 15 but I have liked MANY guys...and yeah i agree with a lot of the things you have pointed out about girls on your page...Its just... I know that i fall for the nice guy thing all the time...but to tell the truth I would much rather have a Boy as a Best Friend then a BoyFriend...maybe when I'm older I'll become a total bitch like you think women are... (I've noticed that girls don't turn bitchy at the same rates. Some turn at the age of 17, some turn at the age of 12. The spoilage periods might differ, but the end result seems to be guaranteed. -- NG) but you gotta understand...Girls want a guy that is Nice (duh) but also knows when to tell them to shut the fuck up... (Uh, then why is it if a guy ever says something harsh like that to his girlfriend, she'll always bring it up as a sore-point in a fight 6 months later? She typically doesn't accept any verbal slap without exacting a heavy price for it later-on down the road. Hell, if you're sitting perfectly contently on the couch, she'll bring it up out of the blue as something to get angry at you about. -- NG) other wise your just gonna become their bestfriend (because they think that you will always try and make them feel better and help them out)And not a love interest...Of course not all girls are like this...because you will always have the bitches and the brats...then again...you have people like that in both sexes.
Well thats All I Have To Say...I hope this e-mail was not a total waste of your time...C Ya. (No email sent to me is a waste of time. Well... I take that back. The emails that say 'Bastard! Bastard! Bastard!' are a waste of not only my time but that of the sender. -- NG)

ArthurDent (a guy) Asks:

Hey NiceGuy, in that one article about Chandra Levy, you said that you think some politicians are bone-heads. Which ones are boneheads?

I write...

Hey, thanks for writing. Well... I'm not going to name names, but I'll give you the foremost example that stands-out in my mind. When I was in college, one of the student organizations arranged to have the House representative for the local district come-over and speak. Specifically, he'd been asked to come and speak on foreign policy (this was in early 1995, by the way).

Anyways, he made his speech on U.S. policy towards various foreign threats. He was avidly pro-ballistic missile defense five years before it became a big issue in the 2000 election. (He talked about how incidents such as a single Scud being fired during Yemeni factional fighting in 1994 underscored the need for missile defense. I mean, come on! It's one thing to talk about ICBM threats from Russia, but quite another to talk about the Yemeni Scud threat!) He was enthusiastic about limiting technology exports to countries he felt weren't friendly enough. (For instance: the export of supercomputers to Russia. Restricting satellite-launching deals using Chinese booster-rockets. Stuff which indicated his sense of geopolitics was stuck in Cold War mode.) He had all kinds of magazine articles that he used as visual aids about the dangers of technology exports. And his real hot-button issue: selling any military equipment to any Muslim nation regardless of how friendly that nation was. (He pointed-out a then-recent sale F-16's to Qatar as an example of how the most advanced technology could fall into the hands of potential foes. Qatar! Maybe I'm naïve, but I haven't heard one thing in the last ten years about the Qatari Menace.) He was under the distinct impression that every Muslim country on the planet was going to plunge into a fundamentalist revolution. He showed photos of poorly-guarded nuclear facilities in Kazakhstan, and said that when Kazakhstan went fundamentalist (not if, mind you, but when) that these nuclear materials could be used against us. (Note: about a third of Kazakhstan's population is Russian Orthodox, not Muslim. And the majority of Kazakh Muslims appear to be fairly moderate and secular. He seemed to be unaware that there are significant anti-fundamentalist social factors in that country.)

What was my impression of this guy? There's a fine line between being vigilant and being paranoid and I think he was on the wrong side of that line. I think he was a fear-mongering isolationist who'd never read a novel that didn't have a submarine on its cover. Seriously, he had a weird vision of what the planet is like- in short, a bonehead. And you know what? Even if all of his concerns had been answered, it still wouldn't have prevented attacks on US soil: in the 9/11 terrorism, no ballistic missiles or nuclear materials or Qatari F-16s were involved! Afterwards, I had an opportunity to shake his hand and talk to him. I went-up and introduced myself and I said I'd noticed he hadn't mentioned a few recent policy decisions about the issues he'd brought-up.

I'd pointed-out a few threat-reduction programs that the Department of Defense was pursuing such as helping to pay for upgrading security at former-Soviet nuclear facilities and pay for plutonium-disposal. I'd mentioned that although the Iraqi anthrax threat was plausible, UNSCOM weapon-inspectors had already destroyed more Iraqi bio-weapon delivery systems than were destroyed during the whole of the Gulf War. I mentioned a deal the year before in which Nursultan Nazarbayev (the president-for-life of Kazakhstan) had agreed to sell a large quantity of bomb-grade uranium to the US for safekeeping. In short, I was trying to say that he'd deliberately painted too-dismal a picture and not acknowledged any progress that had been made already.

In reaction, he almost snorted. "Kazakhstan?? Oh yeah, Nazarbayev will be the first in front of the firing-squad when the fundamentalist revolution comes..."

*Shrug* He saw what he wanted to see. He was so committed to his policy initiatives and his view of the world that there was little that anyone could say to him that would let him accommodate alternative perspectives. It's hard to deal with people like that, and I have trouble imagining him not sleeping with an intern who'd come-on to him. He's not in office any more, by the way. Thanks for writing. -- NG

SteveMeister says:

Hi, I just recently had my own experience with a woman I cared for more than almost anything. Yesterday it was (jan. 22). I liked this girl since the first time I laid my eyes on her. At first, I thought I had no chance at all. Now, I am the very quiet, shy type, so I had trouble even talking to her at all. School started at the beginning of September, and I liked her all the way to November (I didn't stop liking her though). The beginning of November, she actually turned around in one class where she sits right in front of me and started talking to me. It started becoming a regular thing, and it was like a dream come true. We became good friends, and she even invited me to parties and stuff. We flirted like crazy too in both classes that we have together, where we happen to sit right by each other in both classes. Now, a lot of people, some of my friends, and even some of her friends figured "she likes him." They already knew that I liked her a lot. So, I was definitely led to believe that she liked me. Now, to top it all off something HUGE happened. I have this friend I'll call "D."
D's sister and the girl's sister ride the same school bus and were friends. Well, D's sister said that the girls sister said that the girl was getting angry because everyone was saying stuff about me asking her out but I wasn't doing it. The info wasn't confirmed and I still do not know if it was true, but it doesn't matter. Word spread and lots of people pestered me about asking her out. So, Tuesday comes around. Back to school from the weekend. There were things going on that day that helped along the "she likes me" thinking. So, after school, I pop the question. Lots of people who knew I was asking and I thought that it would be "yes." . . . well . . . "I can't." *SON OF A Bi...*She said it like she wanted to but actually couldn't. "Why not?" I ask. "I like someone else." . . . *AFTER ALL THAT FLIRTING AND LEADING ON, YOU LIKE SOMEONE ELSE??!?!??!!??* "Maybe later when we know each other better." *WE ARE ALREADY REALLY GOOD FRIENDS AND KNOW EACH OTHER GOOD* Even though it was probably just a way of softening the blow. All that could probably just have been "NO". "bye..." . . . . . . . . . . . . . . So now I know there is someone else. Now, I still like her a lot, I just now know that she doesn't like me in that way. There are these two guys who I am thinking could be the other person. Guess what... both of them are the "I'm a bad ass" type. They wouldn't be good for her. I would, I am a nice guy who would actually care for her. Why is it that a girl will lead you on, and turn you down? Then go out with someone who is a jerk... She also decided to avoid me I guess. Today (Jan. 23) she didn't say a word to me, when she would normally talk to me all the time. I am going to talk to her and see if she decides I'm a weird-o now or what. Whatever, it's not happening for the nice guy again...

(Heh, and just wait until that chick grows-up. You know what they say... a boy expands into being a man, but a girl implodes into being a woman. Well, *I* say that at least. -- NG)

Keep the commentary coming! Studies show that people who write me live longer, have lower cholesterol and enjoy an overall sense of well-being. Maybe.

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"All wickedness is but little to the wickedness of a woman." -- Apocrypha, Ecclesiasticus.

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