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A Whole Bunch Of Reader Responses

Tremendous response from people... a whole mess o' emails just keep pouring-in. In fact, I've been behind in readying this for posting... so this edition of reader's responses is going to be a bit long. I really love the diversity of opinions I've gotten... less than half the emails have been hateful, which is always nice. I have to say... all of this has been a great learning experience for me so far. It's helped me get to know you, in addition to better-knowing myself.

Heh, some chick tried to send me a macrovirus the other day. I didn't fall for it. I mean, come on! How dumb do you think I am? I don't know if it was intentional or not... I suspect it wasn't but if it was intentional- I'm not computer illiterate! I used to design information systems for a living! Not very good systems, mind you, but systems nonetheless. I know what a macrovirus is and how to spot one. If you're gonna email me a virus, I can tell you right now: it ain't gonna work.

So, go get yourself a cup of Lipton's soup or a bag of Fritos and get ready to go in for the long-haul... And enjoy this latest bunch of reader responses.

 

Snuffy (a woman) writes:

Dear Nice Guy,
Have just been looking at your site so I thought I'd drop you a line. A few things:

Have you ever thought of putting your real name (even if it's just your first name) and a photo of yourself on the site? Maybe you're not as "geeky" or ugly or whatever as you think.

I haven't read it all, because it would take a lot of time! But it seems like there's a lot of stuff there, but perhaps you've been working on the site for a long time. Either way, it reflects a huge amount of work---time that you could have spent just getting out there and enjoying life without worrying about how much women suck. Yeah, men think women suck and women think men suck, but I don't think we'll ever get past it.

Actually I love nice guys. I love being treated well, I love guys who will open doors and pull out chairs for me, who make sure I'm ok and I'm having a good time etc. It's great knowing someone cares about you like that. Also you mentioned running over to a girl's dorm with cookies and cream ice crea--I LOVE that flavour! Although I don't think I'd ever ask someone to bring me some in the middle of the night or whatever. Perhaps if I was premenstrual or in the throes of great pain and suffering and desperate for some comforting ice cream, I would. Oh by the way my last man used to feed it to me (is that sick?!)! It doesn't get much better than that.

As for lying cheating thieving evil men, well I throw my scorn at them. I'd never want to be treated like that, and I don't understand women who do. Maybe if the relationship starts out great and disintegrates and the woman still loves the man and can't imagine leaving him....but personally I'm more the type of person who sees what's wrong in her life and does her best to fix it. I'm a great fan of lists: "20 Ways To Stop My Life From Sucking" and so on.

Another thing---you're only 26! I'm just 23 and I realise I have the rest of my life to find someone, and I'm in no hurry. Especially since so many of my friends have gotten married off to their all-time lovers and have found it's not all it cracked up to be.

Stop telling yourself you're a jackass! Likewise, stop focusing on the Nice Guy thing and just be yourself. Concentrate on enjoying life rather than getting a girlfriend, because there's nothing more that women want than a guy who is interesting and has lots of hobbies, pastimes etc. You are a valid human being as much as anyone else, and as for the 'ugly' thing, what do you mean? Are you overweight? Get some exercise and join a gym. Glasses? Get contacts. Can't dress yourself to save your life? Ask one of your female friends for help with a makeover (I know one guy who did this and the girl who dressed him up liked the result so much they're now a couple and have been for years!). There's not much appearance-wise that can't be fixed. Send me a photo of yourself because I'm curious.

I've dated guys who were overweight or not typically attractive but I found that they're a lot more interesting as people and also treat me better. Also, you can usually find things about a person that are attractive, cute stuff they do etc. Your looks aren't such a boundary to a relationship as your attitude.

OK that's all! Except please, please, if you're going to publish my letter on your website, don't pull it to pieces bit by bit. This is to make you feel better about yourself and incite you to enjoy life more than to criticise you and pull you down.

 

 

And I? What did I say?

Well, I promised I wouldn't pick-apart her email line by line, so I'll paraphrase my response to her here without doing it verbatim.

Would I consider posting a picture? Never. I value my anonymity greater than all the gold in the Inca Empire. I mean, if my Ex ever found-out that I'd spoken about her in such a fashion, I honestly believe she'd get one of her gang-banger contacts to bust a cap in my head, execution style. I'm not exaggerating, some of her friends know people who could and would do that to me if she asked them to. (If you don't believe me, when my Ex was in highschool, she'd been in court at least once as a material witness to gang-related crimes... She really liked the bad-boys. Now you know one of the reasons why her parents liked me so much; I wasn't out at night whacking people's heads-in with tire-irons.)
I value my life more than I do strangers' opinions on my appearance. Plus, I don't want my crumpled corpse to be found stuffed into a corrugated drainage pipe under Rural Route 5. Reasonable, no?

I'm not overweight, I'm actually pretty skinny. I'm 5'9". Blue eyes, brown hair. I usually wear contacts, and I dress in a nondescript manner. To tell you the truth, *I* am actually fairly happy with how I look… it's mainly women who show no interest in me based on my appearance. Am I supposed to dress to please them or myself? And you know, I'd rather not spend a whole lot of effort and money on my appearance if a woman is going to find me attractive based on something as whimsical as my watch. My Ex, for instance, kept-on trying to make me look more bad-ass and grungy... she was captivated by that look. I didn't like looking that way.

As for how much time I spend writing, actually. And I have plenty of other things that I do for fun, besides… believe me, I try to make the best use of my free time as possible. I see my friends whenever we can schedule each other in. You have to understand, I've written most of my stuff over a long period of time. Spread-out over a number of months, it's not actually quite so much of my time.

As for saying that I'm just 26, well, guys a lot younger than me have girlfriends. I'm not too young to have one. I don't see what my age really has to do with this. 8 years ago, I was 18 and women wouldn't date me. 5 years ago, I was 21, and women wouldn't date me. I'm wondering: how the hell old do I have to be in order to have a girlfriend? I didn't know there was an age limit.

Be myself? That's never worked. And even if I am myself, she'll only try to change me later-on.

Anyway, it was nice of her to write a letter that was upbeat and cheery.

 

 

OrangeRoughy (a guy) writes:

Having read about your psycho ex reminds me of my psycho ex. (Wait- a woman who's psycho? Now there's a shocker for you. -- NG) We'd been dating  for about 6 months and she wanted to come to the city where i lived to be closer to me. (She moved away to a better job). I told her i'd help her get on her feet and pay for her rent and shit for the first month. OK so that happens and all. Well I moved in w/ her cuz I was fighting w/ my family where i lived so we're happy and all, but she wouldn't keep a job all she did was go to school a few hours a day and wouldn't keep a job; she had like 3 jobs and finally settled w/ some bs 8 hrs a week job, while i was busting my ass w/ my 40 hrs a week job. She was never happy unless I was doing what she wanted. What did she want? To eat out about 4 times a week and me paying for it, me to do the laundry cuz her back hurt to much to carry the hamper to the laundromat, she'd even offer sex if I'd go do the laundry; talk about making it feel like a business transaction. Even through all this i still thought i was in love w/ her. What really caused the split was I was having to start grad school in the fall (it was this last fall btw) and I told her if she wanted to be w/ me in the city she'd have to get her own place and I didn't have time for her (which i really didn't as first year has been worse than i would have though it could be). This was the last straw for her, so when I couldn't suit her needs she ran off to fuck some real winners back in her home town. I even hear from time to time who she shacks up w/, seems to change about every 2-3 months. This was a life lesson for me definetly.  (She wasn't part of the Whorebag clan, was she? Sounds oddly familiar... -- NG)

P.S. Please don't leave the country stay here and be Evil Guy and give some back to those who would misuse you.

(Heh, the wheels of my departure are already in motion. Thanks for saying, tho... -- NG)

 

 

Suerissa (a woman) writes:

hey, i just found your site and I think its great, but I must say, I live in canada, and I'm not a horrible looking chick my any means, I date nice guys, and yet I am here still single.  I love nice guys, I only date nice guys, and what happens?  Either we both just realize that we weren't meant to be together, they move away, or else they were just nice guys in disguise, and after a month they turn mean in which case I dump them.  Don't go to japan, come to Canada, its cold but we have some nice single chicks up here...   :)

 

 

NiceGuy Says:

Thanks for writing..

>hey, i just found your site and I think its great, but I must say, I live in Canada,

I seem to get a lot of emails from Canadians. Not that there's anything wrong with that, of course. I've been to Canada many a time.

>Don't go to Japan, come to Canada, its cold but we have some nice single chicks up here... :)

Well, I went to Vancouver on vacation this past year. And I was sitting in this restaurant... I noticed that 100% of the waitresses were stunningly gorgeous... as a result, I concluded that they were the kind who wouldn't give me the time of day.

Thanks for writing, -- NG

 

 

Suerissa Responds...

Why would you presume this?  I waitressed in a bar, and night after night I had men hitting on me, strippers (no it wasn't a strip bar) gorgeous bad boy types, the whole bit, and you know what I did, I smiled, brought the drinks and went back to the man I was dating at the time, all skinny 6 feet of him while he sat at home and studied for the computer programming he was taking in university (yea yea, he dumped me too, because we were too "different").  I understand exactly how you feel because I've kind of reached that point too, it's like once you've been treated like shit ten too many times you just say fuck it.  I was really refreshed by your site tho, because it reminded me that its not just something men OR women go through, its kind of a battle of the sexes thing.  I think it all ends when we reach the point where we meet someone who is also tired of playing the games, and just wants someone to love them.  I've reached that point, but all the men in my life and the ones I meet are still in the "oh I don't want a girlfriend yet" phase.  Should I give up hope?  Or just concentrate on myself until the one comes along?

 

Says I...

>Why would you presume this?

Hee, well, let's look at what you wrote... "I waitressed in a bar, and night after night I had men hitting on me, strippers (no it wasn't a strip bar) gorgeous bad boy types, the whole bit, and you know what I did, I smiled, brought the drinks and went back to the man I was dating at the time..."

As this shows... I tend to presume that the woman has a boyfriend and I won't have a chance. Either that or she'll *tell* me that she has a boyfriend as some kind of self-defense smokescreen. That's what experience has shown me: waitresses in bars get hit-on by a THOUSAND people a night, and they sometimes find it irritable after a while. That's why I don't do it.

>I understand exactly how you feel because I've kind of reached that point too, it's like once you've been treated like shit ten too many times you just say fuck it.

Heh, well, the only difference between men and women in this regard is that men who actually SAY anything about how they feel typically get told to shut up and deal with it.

>I was really refreshed by your site tho, because it reminded me that its not just something men OR women go through, its kind of a battle of the sexes thing.

I didn't start-out seing male-female relationships in terms of power and control. I started-out seeing them in terms of cooperation and reciprocal giving. Unfortunately, too many women see the former terms, and when that get happens, guys who see the latter terms get shafted. There's only one combination of those two attitudes that can make a relationship work.

>I think it all ends when we reach the point where we meet someone who is also tired of playing the games, and just wants someone to love them. I've reached that point, but all the men in my life and the ones I meet are still in the "oh I don't want a girlfriend yet" phase.

Very rarely in life have I been in the "I don't want a girlfriend" phase. Until a year ago, I was in the "I'd really like a girlfriend if she's right" phase. Now I'm in the "I've got to get the hell out of here" phase.

>Should I give up hope? Or just concentrate on myself until the one comes along?

It's sweet that you ask for advice.. but I don't consider myself to be a good person to handle those kinds of questions. I'd hate to give you bad advice. Thanks, tho... -- NG

 

 

FordPrefect (a guy) Writes:

I don't get the joke you made in the story about the seventh woman.......head geek.....dirt on knees....?

 

And I respond..

>I don't get the joke you made in the story about the seventh woman.......head geek.....dirt on knees....?

Well, when one gives 'head', it's slang for giving oral sex... and someone might choose to give oral sex whilst on their knees- thus allowing them to be mouth-level with someone else's groin... So a geek who gives oral sex quite a lot (a 'head-geek' of sorts), might have dirt on his/her knees from doing that sort of salacious act repeatedly.

Yeah, it wasn't that funny. The joke works better with 'head cheerleader'. Thanx for writing. -- NG

 

 

FordPrefect Writes Back:

Hoo Boy, your site has opened my eyes. Here I was thinking that women were goddesses and men are lowly brutes fit only to serve them and the truth is that the reverse is slightly more applicable. (Yup. I spent much of my life living in denial about that. Wiping the female bullshit off my goggles was a real eye-opener. -- NG) But seriously though, you speak a lot of truths on your site. Something that is missing though is your thoughts on the fact that women often mistake "Nice Guys" for homosexuals. (This is true. I, for instance, am not into football- based on that, you'd better believe that my Ex once used this evidence to suggest that I'd be happier buggering men. Not that there's anything wrong with that. My brother, whom you already know is gay, does not look anything at all like the stereotypical foppish, limp-wristed, walking sight-gag that gets bandied-about on tv's "Will and Grace". He looks like a pudgy, semi-goth guy. You really never can tell who's gay just by looking at them. My brother once showed me a web-site which asked "are these chicks lesbians... or are they just German?" -- NG) Not that there is anything wrong with that of course, but just because I'm friendly with you and I actually respect you as a person and not a pair of legs to slip my member between doesn't mean that I don't want to see you naked. Just because I don't conform to a stereotype of a thuggish, angry Black male doesn't mean that I don't want a woman who will love me for who I am. Just because I 'm slim, smart, sensitive, and sucky at sports doesn't mean I have a longing for a same sex partner. I'm seriously sick and tired of this and I'm seriously considering pulling a NiceGuy and moving to Japan after college. Anyway, thanks for making this great site and keep up the good work. I'm sure NiceGuys the world over will appreciate it.

(Well, only move there if your life is in order beforehand. -- NG)

PS EvilGuy frightens me. He needs to be euthanized. Really, when you put your mind towards being a bad guy, you do a highly successful job of it.

(He frightens me too... -- NG)

 

 

Ambrose (a guy) Sent me this Bombshell:

Dear NiceGuy,

I think you have one of the best sites that I’ve ever seen. It’s enlightening, entertaining, and inspiring. Although, I am only up to the October 2001 section. Eventually I’ll read through them all. You do, after all, have a novel’s length of material to read though.

On to business… First off, it’d be appropriate if I started off with a little background info about myself… I’m 21, live in Cincinnati (city information is a reference tool later) and have never had a girlfriend. There’s been several times in my life where I’ve come so close, yet so far away from being with a female.

Up until high school (or afterwards for that matter), I didn’t have much luck with the opposite sex. Then my brother introduced online chatting to me. This is perfect, I thought. Now a girl’s first impression of me would be my personality, instead of my appearance. After all, I’m not that much to look at. About 5’4, 110 lbs. In other words, I’m built like a jockey. Generally, I’m shy around girls, so I use the Internet as my female-meeting tool. I’m going to cite 3 instances where I’ve fallen head of heels for a girl, only to be shutdown. That being said, on with the stories…

The first online girl, I met several years ago. We started as friends, and went from there. Every day I’d tell her that I’m not going to prom because I’ll never find anyone willing to go out with me. And every day, she’d respond with, yes you would. We got closer and closer to the point I just broke down and asked her to my senior prom. She said yes and we worked out arrangements so she could stay the weekend with my sister, who lives fairly close to me. For informational purposes, the girl lived in Toledo at the time.

So I pick her up (with my mom, who is with me because I can’t drive yet). I place a single red rose on the seat. That’s romantic, isn’t it? I’ll insert more details of that weekend in the paragraphs that follow.

So I had a great time that weekend. I’ve even considered it to be the greatest few days of my life. I’ve also considered it to be the happiest few days of my life. Now, I look at it as a pathetic attempt at love and to end my loneliness.

I thought we hit if off pretty good, and when I asked her out, she said that she didn’t know. Which of course, meant no. That weekend I spent over $400, which was a lot of money for me, and I do mean a lot (my checks, weekly, were only usually between $100-250, before taxes). The money was used for: taking her to a restaurant, buying her a rose (as previously mentioned), buying her a custom-made T-shirt (with her favorite cartoon character it), buying her a few CD’s (that she picked out). I gave her one of my favorites (which was also one of her favorites), stashed in her bag, and enclosed with my first love poem, inspired by her, without her knowing. Plus a lot of money was used towards prom.

Anyway, after she left on the bus, I went on-line and waited for her to get back home get on-line to chat with me. When she got on, she told me that she didn’t want to go out with me. She said it was because of herself. If I remember correctly, she said something like, she wasn’t ready for a commitment, instead, she was the kind of girl that liked to hang out with groups of people. I don’t think she was telling the truth, because later she said that it was a distance thing. But several months later she was going out with some guy from Florida, so I didn’t believe the distance excuse. I never did find out the real reason.

Well, after she told me that she didn’t want to go out with me, I remember that I threw down my glasses and burst out into tears, and I didn’t stop crying at all that night, so I cried myself to sleep. It took me a long while to get over it, but I did (even though it took a little piece away from me). As I believe that every time you’ve had your heart broken, a little piece of you fades away. Well, we talked as friends after that, but never the same way again. Then she just went away.

The next girl (No.2 if you’re keeping track), I never really met, but claimed to love her more than the first. I was lying to myself. I fooled myself into believing that I loved her. Love? No. Desperate and lonely? Yes. Once again, we started out as on-line friends until her boyfriend was treating her like crap. I think the jerk cheated on her or something like that. I felt bad for her as I think that a large percentage of guys are assholes. Anyway, one thing led to another and we exchanged phone numbers even though she wasn’t really allowed giving her number out on-line. I called her up several nights to comfort her (after she already broke up with her boyfriend), because she was having a hard time with her friends. I remember one time she called me up; she was crying and needed someone to talk to. They took me hours to write, but I read her the two longest love poems (one of which is more like a song) that I’ve ever written, which were written for her and inspired by her. From there, we started planning for me to come up to see her sometime.

On Thanksgiving, my family has a tradition, where each family member says what they want for Christmas, which in turn, makes it easier for us to buy for each other. When it was my turn, I said that all I wanted for Christmas was a bus ticket to go see her (I had never asked for so little in my lifetime, at Christmas). After I said that, my family made fun of me for a long time until I called them all assholes and left the room. (That was drastic, especially for me, and in front of my entire family). They caused me emotional devastation, they killed my self-esteem, and pissed me off by saying that I can only find girls that live far away. They said it was because, when you’re on-line no one can see how ugly you are (referring to her not being able to see me in person, so she doesn’t know how ugly I really am), and stuff like that. But in the end, I didn’t really care what they said to me, because deep down, I knew that if I could be wither her, everything that I had to go through, would have been worth it.

Time passed on, and a few weeks before Christmas, I knew it was time for me to ask her out. The few days before my English portfolio was due (it was required to pass the class), I started to work on a poem, which in the end, asked her out. I wanted to ask her out this way because I felt that this was the best way I could show how I felt about her. Two nights before my English portfolio was due, I had a great feeling that she would go out with me. So great of a feeling, that I risked failing the class. To get a grade in English, you have to turn in a portfolio of your essays, revised preferably. Instead of working on the portfolio, I worked on the poem. The next day, I was going to call her that night and read the poem to her. That day, she told me that she had a boyfriend. She told me that she didn’t think it would ever work between us because we live so far apart. (She lived in a town a little east of Columbus). I was so devastated that I not only broke down and cried for the rest day until I fell asleep, but I also neglected the English portfolio and failed the English class (the first class that I’ve ever failed in my life), because I didn’t finish the portfolio and didn’t turn in on time. It took me a long time to get over it.

The final online girl (No.3, if you will) actually happened with a girl that I wanted to be in love with, but deep down, knew I wasn’t in love with her. I actually knew I didn’t love her, unlike the last two times.

Anyway, it’s the same old story (I met her on-line…), except she asked me to her prom and I accepted. But this time, we agreed to meet first so we could be acquainted with each other by prom. So anyway, I went to spend Easter weekend with her family. I took a bus up to Toledo (the area where she lived). I thought we hit it off pretty good the first few nights. (One thing’s for sure, she is friendly, in a flirty kind of way.) On the second night, she kissed me (my first kiss ever…see, I am pathetic). We did go farther than that…

The first few days were great. Well, lets just say that I hit if off great with her family, friends, and parents. She said that it was rare that anyone else liked her parents cooking. It was even more rare, because I’m an extremely picky eater.

By the 3rd or 4th night, I got the impression that she didn’t really care if I was there or not. Because on the second night, when we were driving home from somewhere or another, we held hands in the car (the same night she kissed me). But after that, we didn’t hold hands again. I don’t know, maybe I’m a bad kisser or something (even I told her that I’d never kissed a girl before). I tend to notice those little details (to me, they matter). On the day that I had to leave, as I was leaving for the bus I had to ask her for a hug (I thought that seemed kind of weird, I mean, shouldn’t she have wanted to hug me…). After all, she’s the one that made most of the first moves. So on the bus ride home, I realized that I was going to miss her, so I curled up in the window seat and entire cried the entire way home.

After that, I got on-line, each and every night waiting for her to get on so we could make plans for prom. Time went by, and several days before prom, I decided to skip the Internet and just call her. So she told me that she had the flu and couldn’t go to prom. I know that I hardly have any experience with women, but honestly, I didn’t believe her. I thought that she either didn’t like me or she found someone else to be with. I wasn’t too hurt by that, because as I said before, deep down, I knew that I was never really in love with her, as much as I wanted to be. She did however take a piece of my morality, because I’ve always wanted to save my first kiss for a female that I was in love with. I told myself that I would kiss girls that I was in love with…and she took that from me.

So that concludes my online escapades. Needless to say, that I’ve given up using the Internet as a dating tool. If I can’t get a date without using the Internet, oh well. If a girl passes me over to go out with some asshole, that’s her loss and her fault, not mine. I’m better off with someone not as shallow. Maybe the next I’m a party, and a girl passes me over to be with hot guy, I’ll blurt out, “Someone’s swimming in the shallow end of the pool.” Anyhow, it’s a little redundant to say that I have problems with getting a date. But I guess that’s the price I have to pay, for a being a Nice guy.

There's not really much I can add... Thanks for sending me this. (Oh, I think some readers might recall a letter from a few weeks ago from WKRP, a woman, also from Cincinnati, saying that there aren't any good men there. -Or most likely, she's not attracted to any of the good men there, so they are invisible to her.- Well, I appreciate the irony of this sort of situation. I think it's fair to say that the men she meets in that city aren't very good, to be sure. I sent this story to her for commentary, with Ambrose's permission of course.)

 

 

WKRP Said:

I trully feel bad for the guy but, trust me when I say this most men that I meet here in Cincinnati are dogs and do not want a relationship. He was looking in the wrong place and probally needs to get off of the internet and create a life for himself and maybe he could find a real women who wants a real man not a cyber relationship. (He already said he isn't tall, that's a major strike against him in the dating game... There was this news story on TV a few years back... I think it was on ABC's "20/20", and the subject of the segment was on height discrimination. There were these four single women-friends who were asked to come into the TV studio as part of a dating survey. They were asked to stand behind the viewing-side of this one-way mirror. There were four guys brought-in to a line-up area on the other side of the mirror, one of whom was slightly under five feet tall. The interviewer asked the women which of the guys look like they might be dateable. Not one of them picked the short guy. The interviewer kept asking them about the short fellow. "What about him? Did you know that he's a venture capitalist and owns several businesses? Did you know he owns a ski-lodge in the Rockies? Did you know he has two degrees from Yale? Did you know he's an artist who had some of his work featured in a Guggenheim exhibition?" She kept building and building him up... finally, after saying four or five exorbitantly outstanding things about the short guy's intelligence, wealth and talent, one of the four women said she might be interested in getting to know him- only if all that stuff was true. (All that stuff about his income and background was false, but it was to prove a point- the interviewer had to build the short guy into a God in order to get one woman to even consider dating him.) If you're not taller than a woman (preferably way taller than she), you might as well be invisible in her eyes because she will not consider you as boyfriend material. And even then, you might be out of luck. -- NG)

As for me, I decided to give dating another try. Guy #1 showed up at my house unannouced, called me from inside my house (still haven't figured how he got in),(That is so funky. Reminds me of Hitchcock's 'Dial M for Murder'. I'd invest in a mean dog. -- NG) Guy #2 just wants sex and doesn't think he could ever get married because his standards are to high and Guy #3 just isn't sure what he wants.

I'll keep trying I guess but, the more I think about American men the more I want a European man. (I know how she feels!! Laff! I can't help but wonder which part of Europe she's thinking of, though- it's a big place... I'm sure she probably isn't dreaming of guys from Albania. -- NG)

 

 

Aliya (a woman) Writes:

Actually, I am a woman around your age..a well educated decent looking nice girl.  You would think that I would be completely offended by your website and that I would read the title and not continue...but my curiosity was peaked.  I read site and thought...it was GREAT!  OK, so the part that says women suck is not so great, but everything you've said in it are things I've thought about men.  Good to know there is someone out there that thinks the way I do.  Good luck in Japan(if you've already gone)!  Hope you find your destined girl someday, I'm still looking for mine and am not quite as cynical...yet.  Wish me luck!

 

 

Official 'Da NiceGuy Response':

Thanks for writing.

>Actually, I am a woman around your age..a well educated decent looking nice girl. You would think that I would be completely offended by your website and that I would read the title and not continue...but my curiosity was peaked.

Well, I've noticed that there are two major types of female letters addressed to me... ones who call me a total asswipe and tell me that I'm offensive, and others who are fair enough to allow me to challenge a few of their long-held assumptions. Believe me, the latter are probably more pleasant to be-around in real life.

>I read site and thought...it was GREAT! OK, so the part that says women suck is not so great, but everything you've said in it are things I've thought about men.

Thank you very much... and I've found that my contributing writers have very good insight into relationships, too.

>Good to know there is someone out there that thinks the way I do. Good luck in Japan(if you've already gone)! Hope you find your destined girl someday, I'm still looking for mine and am not quite as cynical...yet. Wish me luck!

Well, thanks.. Haven't left yet, still have a few months, but the clock is ticking. -- NG

 

 

Zedda (a woman) Writes:

Hi. Interesting website there . I am a 26 year old female and a long time ago I came to the conclusion that men are actually the ones who suck. I based this conclusion on my own experiences of course, just as you have based your conclusion on yours. Guys have done some awful things to my view of the world and my decisions about my future. But the whole truth is that men suck and women suck. People suck. (True, but there's a key difference... men normally expect to be punished for sucking. When women suck, they expect to be let-off the hook. More about that in my response below... -- NG) People can't help who they are attracted to, it's nobody's fault. And people will make the wrong choices and big mistakes that they can regret for their entire lives. I too have been Evil Girl because being Nice Girl means the wrong sort of men hit on me. Evil Girl wore black nailpolish and an outward bitch shield. She didn't make me feel any better, and I don't think Evil Guy will make you feel any better. Be who you want to be and not what bad experiences want to turn you into. (Wait, I feel more cliches coming over me). Don't let anger consume you, don't let your troubles change you, make the world a better place and shit. Good luck in Japan. Zed.

 

 

Ye Response, Which I Thoroughly Enjoyed Writing...

Hi, thanks for writing, and thanks for presenting such a balanced and thoughtful view of the world.

Yes, people do suck… men suck, women suck. I agree with you entirely. Bah, what hope is there for the species?
But I think, though, there is a fundamental difference between the *ways* in which men suck and the ways in which women suck. I'm very familiar with the ways in which guys suck… I mean, I can *deal* with how guys misbehave. I can often understand their thinking from the inside-out. I don't *like* dealing with sucky guys, but at least I have a common frame of reference with them. I have similar sets of experience and I think I can at least understand my foe's point of view when I have to deal with sucky guys… But I have trouble dealing with the ways in which women suck because they suck in a totally different way than men… (Not necessarily sucking *more*, mind you, just differently. On the big balance sheet of life, perhaps both genders' suckiness cancels each other's out more or less?)

From my point of view, male suckiness is at least manageable at times. Males may do many bad things, this is true, but I really believe that at their core, men tend want order and reason to prevail. Men are often creatures who want rules to be followed. And want to seek clear, unambiguous, action-based solutions to problems. And we often have a strong sense of fair play: us guys know that if we do something wrong, we'll probably get punished for it. Yet, guys still do bad things: if a guy ever breaks the rules, it's because he cares more about getting a certain result than the punishment he'd incur by doing so. Don't get me wrong, guys *do* behave irrationally sometimes, but typically that happens if they get pushed past a certain breaking point.
This love of order and rule-based systems is one of the reasons why many men like sports: clear rules, unambiguous outcomes and trying to enforce fair play. (Ever notice how sports games turn into chaos when a situation takes place that the rules aren't clear on?) That's why many men like science, technology and math: clear rules, unambiguous outcomes and logic-based systems. (Ever notice that scientists and mathematicians abhor cloudy outcomes?) Even when a sane man does things that are clearly unfair and irrational, he is *still* often aware that he's not being fair or rational- but he'll do bad things because he just doesn't care about the consequences. Often when men misbehave, at least a little part of them often *knows* it, even if that doesn't stop them from *doing* it.

For instance, if a guy cheats on his wife, he'll most likely know that it's wrong, but he'll do it anyway because some guys are callous jerks and just don't care about breaking rules.

But as for women… women *know* that they should ideally behave themselves, but all of that reliance on reason and logic and rules seems to totally go-out the window. Logic and objective reasoning being tools of the patriarchy, after all. (That's seriously what they say in the more radical womens' studies classes… logic, law and reason are all patriarchal constructs and there are more valid ways of knowing the truth through intuition and what *feels* right. In thought processes, emotion matters *just* as much as concrete logic in the world of womens' studies. Objective reality is a myth because you have to understand what everyone else is *experiencing* subjectively when it comes to analyzing a problem, and not just logic and rules. For instance, in the women's studies paradigm: if a woman ever *feels* that she was raped, then she *was* indeed raped and that's all the evidence you need to prosecute.)
What's the result of this? When women suck, they often don't even *realize* that they're doing anything wrong because they're relying on their own subjectivity. Not even a woman knows why she behaves the way she does sometimes. A woman doesn't always know how she reaches her *own* conclusions! Yet her conclusions must always be right because they feel right.
And when women act in an irrational manner, they often try to make-up reasons afterwards for why they did what they did- if necessary, resorting to lying and twisting reality in the process. *And* they really don't expect to be held accountable for the consequences of their actions. This total disregard for logic and rules and accountability is what I can *not* deal with, and that is one of the reasons why I have such difficulty dealing with women who suck and it's why I've often referred to female behavior as 'lunacy'. *Shrug*
To use the same example I used about a guy cheating on his wife- if a woman cheats on her husband, she might choose to rationalize it with "I'm in an unhappy marriage and I have the RIGHT to be happy, even if it means that I've broken my marriage vows" or "I just couldn't help cheating on my husband because I was caught-up in the heat of the moment. I'm not to blame because I couldn't *do* anything to stop myself…" She'll do something which is obviously wrong yet find some excuse to make herself right.

If a guy is misbehaving, it's possible that you can at least use rule-based systems or generally agreed-upon principles to get him to understand he might be wrong when with him face-to-face.
"You smashed my window, dude. That's why I'm yelling at you."
"I didn't break the window. It was someone else."
"Bullshit, those two people both saw you do it!"
"Yeah, well if you think I'm going to apologize, let's settle this with fists, asswipe…"
"No, I'll send you a bill instead." At this point, even the dumbest asshole man will at least *understand* what the issue is (you're mad at him for breaking the window). You then have a chance at defusing the situation peacefully and arriving-at a settlement. Or, if he's a total asshole, he'll just punch you in the face and run-off to avoid you calling the police on his ass.

But it's positively *infuriating* to deal with women who do bad things and then refuse to even acknowledge that they might have done something wrong- because they don't see why the rules should apply to them when they think they have an excuse.
"You smashed my window, honey. That's why I'm yelling at you."
"Don't call me 'honey', you jerk! I was *angry* and I couldn't help it, so stop blaming me! (Sob!)"
"Jeez! Stop crying! I'll send you a bill instead."
"I *said* I couldn't help it!! Can't you see how *hurt* I'm feeling?! Why are you trying to make me feel *worse* by bringing-up money?! What kind of cold, uncaring bastard are you?!" Etc. At this point, The *only* way for the guy to deal with the issue (you're mad her for breaking the window) is to say "It's so terrible you're hurt! What can I do to support you in your time of need?" That's not a clear solution to the problem- the window is *still* broken! There's no way to agree on what the problem is- in her mind, the real issue is that she's hurt!

If a man argues with a woman, no matter what logical thing the man says, the woman might insist that she had some reason for doing what she did, so whatever damage was done is not the actual problem… or that she is the REAL victim because she was feeling bad at the time. Or she might play the blame-game by saying "If you're angry at me because I did something wrong, then you're an *asshole*! I couldn't *help* doing it, you JERK, so I'm not at fault!!" And of course, there's the favorite stand-by: "I did that because of PMS, so get-off my back you insensitive ass."

Best example I have: in the movie "Waiting to Exhale", the one woman dumps gasoline on her man's car and set it ablaze, but it's perfectly justifiable in this movie because she thought she had a good reason for doing it. But any guy will tell you: arson is arson, regardless of why you do it!
Imagine if I jumped into that movie after that scene and yelled at her: "Holy *shit*, lady! You just destroyed someone's car!"
She'd scream, pointing at the inferno behind her "It was that bastard man's fault in the first place! Can't you see how much I'm *hurting* inside?!"
"But... but... you torched a fucking car!! I'm calling the police on your ass! Don't you see you broke the law?!"
And no, she wouldn't get it. She's gotta be right. She thinks her inner turmoil gives her the right to blow-up whatever she wants, and whatever I could say about the crime she perpetrated wouldn't make an impact. There's no basis for negotiation! You can't reason! You can't ever show her that she's done something wrong! When it comes to examining their own behavior for wrongdoing, women are blind! That's why it's infuriating to deal with asshole women!

But, I agree with you- men and women both suck… But they suck in different ways. Guys suck because they sometimes don't care about breaking rules when they aren't afraid of the penalties. Women suck because they think it's perfectly okay to not follow the rules if the rules don't make her feel right. So... I normally have less of a problem dealing with sucky guys than I do with sucky girls. When you yell-at a guy for breaking a rule, he'll at least know *why* you're yelling at him and you can use a fact-based line of reasoning to show him why he's wrong. But when you yell at a woman for breaking a rule, she'll be shocked that you'd dare yell at her; she'll then yell-back that she just thought-up a perfectly valid reason for doing it, so what the hell is *your* problem, asshole? If you try to use reason and logic, she'll scream that you're a cold, unfeeling bastard and aren't focusing on the real problem - why she did what she did.

Okay, okay enough of me ranting. Per your advice, I'll try not to let my anger consume me… it's an uphill battle, of course. Naturally, I'll try to help make Japan a better place if I can… and I think it's fair for me to point-out that there are certain features that I LOVE about women... like how just by running her fingers through my hair, she can make me forget about everything that's bad in the world. And how she can make me smile simply by smiling at me.

You know what? You wrote a really good email. Short and sweet. It was a HELL of a lot better than the people who write me long emails listing all the ways that I'm a complete bastard.

Thanks for writing, and it's always refreshing to hear from someone with a thoughtful perspective. People like you truly help me enrich the content of my site. -- NG

 

 

KasserinePass (A fella) writes:

Hi, I just found your site through a message board. By the way, I just want to let you know that women every where are the same (mostly). It does not matter whether you live in Asia or US. Take it from someone who has experience living in both countries. I am currently in the US seeking my Master degree and I have a good share of bad luck (although not as bad as yours) as I have when I was in Asia. Women (I use the term here loosely, by the way) that I like always rejected me flat out, uses me, has a boyfriend or a combination of those three.  I went through this pain and frustration for 10 years and I never have a girlfriend in my life !!! So I can actually relate to your experiences. ( although they don't actually make me the so called "free adviser", they just trying to make copy my project,etc which I don't allow them to) So, I don't want you to get your hopes up. You probably want just drop the whole thing ( chasing women, etc) and move on to something else. I manage to do this recently, and I feel pretty good about it. Good luck in Japan and I hope you enjoy your new job.

 

 

And my Reaction...?

Thanks for writing...

>By the way, I just want to let you know that women every where are the same (mostly). It does not matter whether you live in Asia or US.

Yeah, you're not the first to suggest that. But I've also experienced the following dualism:

NiceGuy in Taiwan: sitting-on the couch watching TV with his girl. She turns to NiceGuy. "Want me to make us something to eat?"
NiceGuy responds with "Only if I can make it with you..."
They both go into the kitchen together.

NiceGuy in the US: sitting on the couch watching TV with his girl. She turns to NiceGuy. "Get me something to eat."
NiceGuy responds. "Um... howabout during the commercial?"
"No. I'm hungry now."
NiceGuy scratches his head. "What do you want?"
"I don't know! Think of something. Hell, there's nothing in your fridge but crap anyway. Order a pizza. No, a calzone. Wait, a pizza."

Fundamental difference in the two experiences, no?

(Heh, now that I look-back, I should've added a third scenario:
NiceGuy's Cousin in the US: sitting on the couch watching TV with his girl. Cousin turns to her. "Make me a sammich, bitch!"
She responds. "*Giggle* Sure thing, baby! And afterwards, may I pleaaaaase undress in front of you??"
Cousin slaps her bum. "Get your ass in that kitchen, now!"
She giggles and shimmies-away.
Heh, maybe that's an exaggeration, but it's not too far-off. -- NG)

>Take it from someone who has experience living in both countries. I am currently in the US seeking my Master degree and I have a good share of bad luck (although not as bad as yours) as I have when I was in Asia.

Well, I've lived in Taiwan for well over a year. I guess our experiences have differed a lot... *Shrug* Anyway, as I said, me moving to Japan will be an experiment, meaning I don't now how it will turn out. I'll post the results in a year or two.

>Women (I use the term here loosely, by the way) that I like always rejected me flat out, uses me, has a boyfriend or a combination of those three. I went through this pain and frustration for 10 years and I never have a girlfriend in my life !!! So I can actually relate to your experiences. ( Although they don't actually make me the so called "free adviser", they just trying to make copy my project,etc which I don't allow them to)

Well, you can commiserate with me then. That's actually very comforting.

>So, I don't want you to get your hopes up. You probably want just drop the whole thing ( chasing women, etc) and move on to something else. I manage to do this recently, and I feel pretty good about it.

Become a monk. Hah, yes the thought HAS crossed my mind.

>Good luck in Japan and I hope you enjoy your new job.

Thanks for writing. -- NG

 

 

TabbiNack (a woman) writes:

Hello Nice Guy/Evil Guy, what have you, Well, first, I found a link to your site on the cosmo website message board. Thought you might like to know that little fact. Next, about me. I'm 18, female, and certainly would never consider myself much of a looker-sure if I lost 80 pounds and found a dermatologist that would actually aid the clearing up of skin, yeah, I would look pretty nice. But beyond that, I'd like to think I've got a pretty good personality, I'm in college, and I'm into Pink Floyd and classic rock, which I've always thought an asset. Now my reaction to your site. I found it humorous because I have many friends who consider themselves nice guys, but to be a guy period, one must have balls, and they are soley responsible for their lack of action. Many of my girl friends agree that dorky, nice guys are great, but not one of them ever makes a move. And fuck it being the twenty first century (if thats wrong, sorry, but I don't know what their calling the 2000s)I want a guy to ask me out, as I said before, it's their job to have the balls

(I want you all to notice here: she obviously shrinks from starting romantic initiative because of her inaction. Yet it is always the man's fault for not having the 'balls'. *Blink* What? Is she blind to her own lack of action?? -- NG)

(And I"m sorry if I'm offending any guy who only has one, and should then be saying "ball") Alas, I am never asked out because they consider me just one o' the guys. I'm not saying I'm "nice" and by being so I hope to be different from my gender. I'm down right sadistic most of the time. I talk like a 60 year old washed up divorcee and I'm only 18. Anyway, I have indeed had run ins with assholes and losers, which is why I'm sticking to liking nice guys...so, nice guys, keep your goddamn eyes open for someone who will appreciate you! There are at least 3 in America, and no, they are not all taken because they are over looked just as much as the nice guys. A word of advise however. I have read multiple times on your site that one buys the object of their affection gifts and all that-like the bitter lady who wrote you and called you a hypocrite. Don't buy presents, that scares them away! My friend, Evan, once bought $200 necklaces for girls he wasn't even going out with. THey sprinted away like jackrabbits. ONe of the girls, in fact, gave the necklace to her little sister. The most a gift should cost in the first year or two of a relationship should be $10, maybe $12 if you buy a card. Also, that lady with that long email has serious self esteem issues. seriously. I hope she reads this and gets help. And anyway, at one point or another, I had a point to this email. I lost it when I got to the subject box. Have fun in Japan. I would advise you not think about respect so damn much. As a woman,I say screw the respect-a guy who is so considerate and slow moving leads me to believe he's gay. Perhaps theres a Middle Ground Guy in you somewhere. Sorry for taking your time, I hope you enjoyed reading this...

 

 

My Response is:

>Hello Nice Guy/Evil Guy, what have you,

Well, I sincerely HATE EvilGuy. He eats too much raspberry jam and he listens to too much Quiet Riot. Who the HELL eats raspberry jam when listening to Quiet Riot?? *That* is Evil for you.

>Well, first, I found a link to your site on the cosmo website message board. Thought you might like to know that little fact.

That's always good to know.

>Now my reaction to your site. I found it humorous because I have many friends who consider themselves nice guys, but to be a guy period, one must have balls, and they are soley responsible for their lack of action. Many of my girl friends agree that dorky, nice guys are great, but not one of them ever makes a move. And fuck it being the twenty first century (if thats wrong, sorry, but I don't know what their calling the 2000s)I want a guy to ask me out, as I said before, it's their job to have the balls.

So, essentially, you're saying don't want to be treated as an equal. You're automatically forfeiting the ability to take the romantic initiative and piling all the risk-taking onto the guy. You, (unlike the guy), have the luxury of saying yes or no. This is illustrative of one of the things that bugs me about women: men are in charge of doing the romantic action, yet women hold a veto over whether or not the male's romantic action succeeds.
Maybe you said fuck the 21st century- but also realize that you expect us to act like 18th century males. Maybe you should give-up your right to vote in order to keep things consistent?

>Alas, I am never asked out because they consider me just one o' the guys.

Here's a radical notion: why the heck can't you share some of the burden by asking-out a guy once in a blue moon? Oh, you don't LIKE asking guys-out? Well guess what: most guys don't LIKE going-up to women and asking them out, yet most still DO! Men *have* to be brave if we want a relationship. Women are free to cower or be lazy.
It's not simply a matter of guys not having enough 'balls'. It's also a matter of women shirking their abilities to initiate a relationship. Guys would be MUCH better-off if more women would grow a pair of proverbial cojones, too. I think you might have better luck in your romantic life if you adopt that idea.

>I'm down right sadistic most of the time. I talk like a 60 year old washed up divorcee and I'm only 18.

Ahh, you're like my maternal grandmother, then. *Grin* Except she's dead.

>nice guys, keep your goddamn eyes open for someone who will appreciate you! There are at least 3 in America, and no, they are not all taken because they are over looked just as much as the nice guys.

3, eh? I don't like those odds.

>A word of advise however. I have read multiple times on your site that one buys the object of their affection gifts and all that-like the bitter lady who wrote you and called you a hypocrite. Don't buy presents, that scares them away!

Yes. Like the time my Ex stomped her feet and screamed at me that I wasn't willing to buy her enough jewelry. I WISH buying her presents would've scared her away! It would've saved me a fortune!

>Also, that lady with that long email has serious self esteem issues. Seriously I hope she reads this and gets help.

I wonder which one you're referring to... but regardless of which email you're talking about- I agree!

>And anyway, at one point or another, I had a point to this email. I lost it when I got to the subject box.

I know how that can be. Hell, that's why I usually end my writings so abruptly.

>Have fun in Japan. I would advise you not think about respect so damn much. As a woman, I say screw the respect-

(EvilGuy sez: HAH, may I QUOTE you on this?? AHAHAA!)

>Perhaps theres a Middle Ground Guy in you somewhere.

Perhaps. But Middle Ground Guys are very easily polarized, though. Thanks for writing, -- NG

 

 

MirrorMirror (a woman) writes:

Hello 'NiceGuy',

I stumbled upon your site by accident. Recently we've had a lull at work so I have spent the past two days reading some of your stuff. I have been going back and forth from 'AskMen.com' to your site.

I am a 32 year old female BTW, well-traveled, well-educated, well-read etc. etc. etc. I have seen a lot and done a lot. I have also been on both sides of the fence, meaning from ugly-duckling to swan. I guess what I am trying to convey to you is that I am a very well rounded person.

My thoughts are as follows:
People are people no matter what gender. You should NEVER distinguish between female and male because there IS NO DIFFERENCE!
People have their own agenda. Sometimes it may include you, sometimes it may not. A person WILL ALWAYS LOOK FOR THEIR OWN BENEFIT first, not
yours. Personally, I am tired of reading about asshole guys and bitches. Even OLD people can be mean but we don't tend to categorize them in a gender because hey...they're old...no dating potential so who cares?

I would like to suggest a film for you to see, In the Company of Men. I want you too see how the men AND women screw each other over.

Human nature fascinates me. This is why I read many or your 'rants'. I do however have a short stomache for arrogance (especially when you
can't pull it off) and most of all hypocrisy. I do not care to elaborate. I know you have heard it before and I'm sure many have given you examples
(I've read them).

I had to stop reading your stuff after I read your date w/the stripper. It is not very nice to point out faults of others for the amusement of your readers. It's TASTELESS! and it lowers your credibilty.

 

 

And I? I say...

Thanks for writing... it's always nice to hear from someone new.

>I stumbled upon your site by accident. Recently we've had a lull at work so I have spent the past two days reading some of your stuff. I have been going back and forth from 'AskMen.com' to your site.

That's very good to know. I appreciate you letting me know where people are linking to me...

>My thoughts are as follows: People are people no matter what gender. You should NEVER distinguish between female and male because there IS NO DIFFERENCE!

That's a huge debate you've just opened-up, and people far more intelligent than I could say much more on it. But I only agree partially: there are features that both men and women share, but there are also features that set the two apart. These differences can, under the best of circumstances, complement both people.
On TLC, there was a documentary series called "The Human Animal" where the final scene showed a man and woman rock-climbing. The man could carry more rope than the woman- but the woman compensated by being flexible enough to reach handholds and footholds the man couldn't. This is my point- they each used their respective strengths to counter the others' weaknesses and helped each other get to the top. THAT is a relationship worth having. That is the relationship I've always wanted. Either they live as a team, or they DIE as individuals.
But perhaps I'm too idealistic.
I've always had the belief that men and women are different, yet should be equal. That's not an easy belief for me to hold anymore because my experience tells me that one side too often doesn't hold-up their half of the bargain. And once in a while that side is me, even, but I try to minimize the number of times that happens.

>People have their own agenda. Sometimes it may include you, sometimes it may not. A person WILL ALWAYS LOOK FOR THEIR OWN BENEFIT first, not yours.

Yes, that's true. I'd always wanted to be the kind of boyfriend who would make my woman feel cared-for. I suppose that was a bit naïve of me. *Shrug* oh well...

>Even OLD people can be mean but we don't tend to categorize them in a gender because hey...they're old...no dating potential so who cares?

Hee, for me they fall into the category of 'curmudgeon' and curmudgeons are gender-neutral. However, my paternal grandmother is, and always has been, a lady.

>I would like to suggest a film for you to see, In the Company of Men. I want you too see how the men AND women screw each other over.

Yes, I'd heard good things about it. Maybe when I get a chance, I'll rent it. Thanks.

>Human nature fascinates me. This is why I read many or your 'rants'. I do however have a short stomache for arrogance (especially when you
>can't pull it off) and most of all hypocrisy. I do not care to elaborate. I know you have heard it before and I'm sure many have given you examples. (I've read them).

I appreciate the compliment, as backhanded as it may be...

Hee, yes I can't pull-off arrogance very well... but am I attempting arrogance or do I simply have a clumsy way of expressing healthy self-esteem? There's truly a fine line separating the two. One is often mistaken for the other.
Yes, I try to minimize my hypocrisy. I really make a conscious effort to do so. Believe it or not, writing-out my experiences has helped me to better-scrutinize my own behavior. Only by exposing my behavior for what it is do I actually learn something about myself. So, it's much better for me to be as blatantly honest and overt about my past hypocrisy as possible so that I don't repeat it again.
As I said, however, it would be a little easier to NOT be a hypocrite if the rules of interacting with women weren't so conflicting and ever-shifting. *Shrug* It's tough to not be a hypocrite when your girlfriend makes you promise "don't look at other women" one minute and then says "do you think that woman is pretty?" the next. Sometimes women have a habit of doing things like that when they're bored- just to watch the man squirm. Human nature fascinates me also, obviously.

>I had to stop reading your stuff after I read your date w/the stripper. It is not very nice to point out faults of others for the amusement of your readers. It's TASTELESS! and it lowers your credibilty.

Understood. Yes, I feel rightly chastised about that- I had very similar misgivings when I was writing it. I might remove the story if someone else suggests I should. (I also notice you didn't adhere to the instruction featured on that story which said you shouldn't read it if you felt it wasn't a good idea for me to write it. We *are* on the honor system to establish credibility here, after all. I think it's safe to say that neither of us really holds the moral high-ground on this.)
But apart from that, yes, I agree- it's tasteless... exactly as tasteless as Ariana is, in fact. Hee, wanna know what's even MORE tasteless? A guy who puts the details of his entire sexual history online. *Grin* What can I say? I gotta be me.

Thank you for writing, I appreciate your insight. -- NG

 

 

DustCloud (a male) writes:

Hey there. Hmm...before I get into the thick of this e-mail, allow me to introduce myself. I'm a 16 year old male, who is obviously in High School. Yeah, I know, I'm constantly surrounded by shallow biatches. It's not so bad once you get used to it. ...Eh, who am I kidding? Anyway, I am what people call a Niceguy. I say "please" and "thank you", I don't swear unless under extreme pressure or distress, and I think that if you're nice to girls and you're cute, you'll get a date, easy. ...Are we all such idiots when we're teenagers?

Well, that's enough about me! Time to get to the heart of the matter: why is it that the chances of finding a nice girl in High School are about .000038460037%? Yeah, I rounded up. For example, I'm in the school's library one day, trying to get some work done. It's a nice place, very college like atmosphere. In addition to tables and wooden chairs, you have cushioned seats surrounding low tables made for reading. I'm trying to read Act II of Hamlet. Anyone who's read that knows it takes massive concentration to decipher the rambling. Moving on, the last time I checked, libraries are supposed to be *quiet* right? I'm in a cushioned chair reading, while a group of girls are at a table next to mine. They're sharing some conversation but I figure they're getting work done as well so I leave them be. Sometime later, I hear one of them say "I need some dick, yo!" I sweatdrop (my fellow otaku know what I'm talking about) and look over to see them putting on makeup. Uh...hello, that's what Study Hall is for? The place where you talk your head off? Bah...

But no! There's more! Allow me to tell you a tale of CaptainFreeTherapist. A few days after that last incident, and writing a newspaper article on the library becoming a Cafeteria Study Hall, I'm at lunch. I'm happily munching away at my pepperoni pizza when one of my acquaintances of the female persuasion (note it says "acquaintances" not "friends") sits down at my table weeping. By the pitch of her sobs, and the flow rate of her tears, I instantly deduce that Mr. I got a 1450 on my PSAT (yeah, I'm bitter) dumped her for the cheerleader he's been eyeing for the past week. I didn't think he was that much of a jerk until he dumped this girl for the cheerleader with implants (a 15 year old cannot naturally have mammaries that big), but hey. Damn my empathy. Anyway, I do one of those transformations you see in a pretty girl anime (again, the otaku) and next thing you know, I'm CaptainFreeTherapist. ...You know how this works so I won't go into details. Of course it ends: "Why can't all guys be nice like you?" *facefault* (And you feel like doing the sort of haggard facial-collapse that Sailor Moon does when she gets disappointed. -- NG)

Well, enough about the girls, and let's move on to my feminist English teacher. Let's call her...Ms. Pheminism. No, I'm not being sarcastice. No, really. The main thing that annoys me about her is that where most people would say "everyone bring *his* book" she says "everyone bring *her* book." Why does this annoy me? She puts so much emphasis on the word "her," the spit that comes with it makes the Bible's flood look like a drizzle. (ba-doom-BOOM!) (Hey, *I* call the rim-shots here, mister. -- NG) It's like she's intentionally trying to slight us! Why?!! And everytime we (even the girls) correct her with "his/her," she responds with blah, blah, blah. ...Sorry, after a while, I just tune her out.

Then again, I suppose I could have it worse. I mean, it's not extremely hard for me to get a date. After all, I do have my sarcastic and callous side going for me. The side that attracts girls like moths to a flame. I'm told that my sardonic smirk is sexually devious. *sweatdrops* Right...so girls *want* to be treated like trash. I get it now...

Well, this was written in a bit of a rush, so I probably didn't communicate my thoughts as well as I would've liked, but at least you can add one more nice guy to the demographic. Oh yeah, I read the first EvilGuy story. You have major guts to act like *that* much of a jerk. I salute you. (Oh, I'm not too proud of that. EvilGuy lacks subtext in entirety, so what's to like about somebody of that ilk? -- NG)

 

 

Steffi (a woman) writes: (Email subject was: "'Dickface' isn't strong enough")

My, my, aren't we high on ourself? I've been reading your 'site' on how women suck for a couple of hours now, and I've gotta tell you, whoever told you that you were a nice guy has got you fooled... BUT GOOD! What kind of person says such horrible things about single mothers and women with broken hearts?? (Um, an honest person? -- NG) So they don't find you attractive? That doesn't make them BITCHES! Jesus, get your head out of your ass. You have specific things that you look for in a woman, most women have specific things they look for in a man. So you don't fit their idea of the perfect man? Boo-hoo. Get over it. Being a "nice guy," which, I highly suspect you are not, doesn't make you immediately repulsive to women, but being a bitter little whiner might. And that's exactly what you seem to be to me. A little whiner.

And hey - guess what? I'm a single mother! (Why doesn't that surprise me? -- NG) And you know what? I've had to turn down many a man who wanted to play "daddy" to my kid and "hero" to me. Know what? I don't need some man to come in and rescue me. I made the choices that led to my life as a single parent, and I am perfectly capable of raising my child on my own, thank you very much. (Heh, just as long as her kid doesn't grow-up to be a delinquent. Sadly, the statistics show that children of single-mother households often grow-up to be just that. There are masses of data which show a strong correlation between single-parent households and crime. Maybe it's a tad too early for her to congratulate herself on her successful parenting skills just yet? -- NG) What kind of egocentric son of a bitch must you be to think you're the answer to womankind's problems?? YOU've got problems, dude. Big ones. And you know what? You probably WON'T find a woman to love you until you can accept that the world isn't a perfect place and women aren't going to love you just because you want them to. (Or maybe they won't love me until I start slapping them around? That seems to be what gets them hooked. -- NG) You have to earn that, by really respecting them, not just playing at it because you think that's what "nice guys" do. (Laff! A single mom is lecturing me on the right way to pursue a relationship! Oh, my sides... -- NG)

Know why women go for the "bad boys?" Because we know what to expect from them. MUCH more preferable than whiney little "nice guys" who think you're evil if you don't offer to bear their children, then claim you're "smothering him" or "moving too fast." Contrary to what you think, guys like you are a dime a dozen. You may start out as "nice guy," but eventually you will morph into "neurotic bastard man" and ... oh, big shock, it'll be the woman's fault.

Ouch! I'd sure hate to be on the receiving end of that one...

I-- oh wait- dammit.

 

 

Biting the Bullet, I Write Back:

Thank you for writing. It's always a pure joy to hear from my readers, regardless of how much bilious hatred they tend to vomit at me.

>My, my, aren't we high on ourself?

Nope, I have to honestly say that I'm not. I think I've said enough depreciating and embarassing things about myself to indicate that I don't think about myself like that.

>I've been reading your 'site' on how women suck for a couple of hours now,

Oh, it's an actual site- I don't see why you had to quote the word... unless you're trying to say that it's not MUCH of a site.. and I agree with you. It's *not* much of a site. It's enough to keep me occupied, however. And no one forced you to surf-on by.

>And I've gotta tell you, whoever told you that you were a nice guy has got you fooled... BUT GOOD! What kind of person says such horrible things about single mothers and women with broken hearts??

If it's any solace: I think pretty much *all* women are more or less messed-up, albeit in different ways. Not strictly single moms or women with broken hearts. So don't take it personal.

>So they don't find you attractive? That doesn't make them BITCHES!

No, their other behavior makes them bitches... It's like getting-down to the acidic, nasty-tasting core of an onion... Once you peel-away the façades, the lies, the smokescreens, the backstabbing, the double-speak and the outright fraud you start to see a bitch lurking underneath. And all you're left with at that point is a big pile of inedible-looking scraps.

>Jesus, get your head out of your ass. You have specific things that you look for in a woman, most women have specific things they look for in a man.

Yes. And I've noticed that these specific things tend to change on a weekly basis. Money is, however, a constant on the list. As is social status. But her requirements for the guy's clothes or hair can change throughout the week so he's truly at someone else's whim.

>So you don't fit their idea of the perfect man? Boohoo Get over it.

Oh, I think I'm pretty much over it- I merely write about WHY I've gotten over it. Prince Charming does NOT exist. It's a pity that women grow-up believing in him. That sets them up to fail all throughout life.
And the worst thing is- even Prince Charming would start to seem boring to most women after a few years.

>Being a "nice guy," which, I highly suspect you are not, doesn't make you immediately repulsive to women, but being a bitter little whiner might.

Ahahahaha! Thank you for making me laugh hard for the first time today... Oh, I'm tearing-up... Phew. Very few people (men OR women) would doubt that being a nice-guy is a huge turn-off to women. Unless he's got money to compensate for it.
As for being a bitter whiner... I strictly do that online; most of my friends would be surprised to know that *I* am the author of my rants.

>And that's exactly what you seem to be to me. A little whiner.

Yes, that IS what I seem to you. Innit interesting that women 'voice their feelings to friends' while men 'whine'...

>And hey - guess what? I'm a single mother! And you know what? I've had to turn down many a man who wanted to play "daddy" to my kid and "hero" to me. Know what? I don't need some man to come in and rescue me. I made the choices that led to my life as a single parent, and I am perfectly capable of raising my child on my own, thank you very much.

Well a heartfelt kudos and huzzah to you, then. It's obvious that you have the healthy attitude of seeing single motherhood as a sign of success. That's wonderful, and I'm glad it's working-out for you.
I, however, have developed the opinion that it's often a sign of failure. If you're happy, you shouldn't let what I think bug you.

>What kind of egocentric son of a bitch must you be to think you're the answer to womankind's problems??

Hah, I'm not egocentric enough to think I have all the answers for womankind, I just point-out bullshit as I see it... But I DO think that women need to critically-examine their own behavior so they can understand they aren't all sugar and spice. The true answers come from within.

>You've got problems, dude. Big ones. And you know what? You probably WON'T find a woman to love you until you can accept that the world isn't a perfect place and women aren't going to love you just because you want them to. You have to earn that, by really respecting them, not just playing at it because you think that's what "nice guys" do.

No, I can honestly say that women don't want respect. The whole "you must respect women" argument is used to beat men into swallowing bullshit from women. Women don't want respect: they'd much rather be unaccountable for their more odious behavior patterns; 'respect' is merely a convenient smokescreen to get away with these patterns.

>Know why women go for the "bad boys?" Because we know what to expect from them. MUCH more preferable than whiney little "nice guys" who think you're evil if you don't offer to bear their children, then claim you're "smothering him" or "moving too fast." Contrary to what you think, guys like you are a dime a dozen. You may start out as "nice guy," but eventually you will morph into "neurotic bastard man" and ... oh, big shock, it'll be the woman's fault.

Well, that's what EvilGuy says to explain his existence, anyway.

Thank you for writing, and I'll definitely post your letter next time I have the chance- so I can show everyone that someone pointed-out just how wrong I am about pretty much everything. -- NG

 

 

Needing the Last Word, Steffi Writes Back

Dear Incredibly Nice Guy,

I'm writing again to retract my first email. Your response has made me see the error of my ways! Wow, I had no idea that my perspective of the world was so skewed! I mean, wow, I don't even remember writing that I considered myself a success because I was a single mother! I just thought I could be proud of the fact that I have been able to find happiness and fulfillment in my life in spite of the poor choices I have made in the past! But now... oh, now I feel so differently having read your letter! I now know that choosing the wrong man, having birth control fail on me, and yet choosing to love my child anyway has made me a failure in the worst possible way! Oh, the pain, failure and misery of being unable to keep a man! I should be so ashamed!

You're such a nice guy for pointing that out to me. I'm so very sorry you've had so many problems with women. I sent a link to your website (which I now see for the wonderful learning tool it is!) to all my female friends, and the responses have been overwhelming! Several have asked for your phone number! I mean, it's so hard to find a man that really, truly believes that "pretty much *all* woman are more or less messed up, albeit in different ways"!! Guys who can see thru us like that are true gems! Oh! And the way you compared women to the nasty-tasting core of an onion! Sheer poetry! I mean, wow... I never could have conceived of comparing another human being, let alone an entire group of human beings, to "a big pile of inedible-looking scraps." (Mainly I was talking about women I dated. And they are inedible-looking scraps now that I see them without their cloaking-devices. -- NG)

You were also right about my not being forced to surf thru your website. I can assure you, I won't do that again. I promise. I'm so ashamed to have looked in the first place!

Your insight has completely changed my mind. I feel quite properly chastised. And I can say with all sincerity, I truly hope you find a woman worthy of you.

Sincerely, A Much More Careful Web-Surfer

 

 

My Response?

Well, you've got a great sense of humor. Thanks for sharing it with me. -- NG

(Indeed, she does have a keen sense of humor. If there's one thing I can appreciate, it's being belted with sarcasm. I was mean in my first response because there are about a million ways she could've disagreed with me without going-off the deep-end. But I hope she's really being sincere at the end of her last email. Something tells me she's not. In hindsight, the whole "no one forced you to surf by" statement of mine was lame. Very very lame. I feel ashamed for even stooping to that. -- NG)

 

 

Beowulf (a guy) writes:

Thank God I've finally found a site like this! Something I can relate to... You, my friend - no, BROTHER, are a genius. I agree with a lot of what you say. Don't give up! I'm a nice guy too, I know what its like to be treated like shit sometimes, and your stories have given me a fresh new perspective. I have a better sense of my bearings in what kind of girl I'm looking for, and what to try to look out for to avoid being tricked.

Congrats on Japan, enjoy and good luck! I plan on going sometime when I'm older to get a job in either the computer gaming industry or possibly comics/animation.

(Jeez, what else can I say, but 'thanks'? -- NG)

 

 

Masha (a woman) Writes: (The email was entitled: "Droppings from Ebola Carriers Shit?" )

Quite eloquent. I've never seen anything quite like your site. You've spent alot of time putting your anger into words.

I, too, tired of the lame dating scene in the states and transferred to Montreal, Quebec I was thrilled to leave my dull hometown to experience a new job and language not to mention the culture and lifestyle Montreal offers so I fully understand your excitement and eagerness to bail.

I wish you the best of luck in Japan. I hope you find a woman who doesn't suck, though I fear if you do, you won't have more funny stories to post on your site.

 

 

I write...

An Ebola carrier's feces don't have droppings, under normal circumstances, but their asses DO have drippings... drippings being one of the vectors by which the disease is spread (I suggest reading "The Hot Zone" by Richard Preston for a more elaborate and gorey detailed expose' on the disease.)

Thank you for writing, and I always appreciate hearing a variety of viewpoints...

>Quite eloquent. I've never seen anything quite like your site. You've spent alot of time putting your anger into words.

Well, if I didn't, I'd probably explode and messy-up the walls with my entrails. That wouldn't be good for the person who'd have to clean-up after me.

>I, too, tired of the lame dating scene in the states and transferred to Montreal, Quebec I was thrilled to leave my dull hometown to experience a new job and language not to mention the culture and lifestyle Montreal offers so I fully understand your excitement and eagerness to bail.

Montreal is quite a town. As is Quebec City. Lovely architecture. I'm sure you're having a grand time.

>I wish you the best of luck in Japan. I hope you find a woman who doesn't suck, though I fear if you do, you won't have more funny stories to post on your site.

Hah, well, I hope to post some positive and upbeat stories in time... Thanks for writing, -- NG

 

 

Beatrice (a woman) Says:

Most women do suck, and I try my hardest not to be just like them. The manipulation, the double-standards, the whole bit annoys the crap out of me. I am a straight female, and I don't have many girl friends because I wouldn't trust them or be able to deal with them happily.

I always went for the nice guy and was nice in return. Hell, there aren't many of us, but there are a few, and they're worth a wait and some trials in between.

I just wanted to give you a little support, since I'm sure you get plenty of emails from bitches.

 

 

I Reply...

Thanks for writing...

>Most women do suck, and I try my hardest not to be just like them. The manipulation, the double-standards, the whole bit annoys the crap out of me. I am a straight female, and I don't have many girl friends because I wouldn't trust them or be able to deal with them happily.

Well, there's one thing that most men and women seem to agree on- that women aren't to be trusted. *Grin*

>I always went for the nice guy and was nice in return. Hell, there aren't many of us, but there are a few, and they're worth a wait and some trials in between.

That's a very healthy attitude.

>I just wanted to give you a little support, since I'm sure you get plenty of emails from bitches.

Oh, that I do. And rest assured: you're not one of them. Thanks for writing, -- NG

 

 

Wanderer, a Male, Wrote:

wassup NiceGuy-- Great site man, excellent site. The idea to put down your rants and have the letters from women and readers is very informative, and I've only read a little. The point you made about women not wanting to discuss anything in depth is absolutely true. Some of my friends that are girls are notorious for this.
They only make small talk and don't seem very philosophical at all. They don't read either. I know it's not politically correct to say ALL women are like this, but a vast majority are, and this is what makes it hard for nice guys. It's why in most cases guys end up putting on the asshole or jerk act to get a girl's attention because by now the nice act has turned sour.

Women...who will ever figure 'em out?

The letter where the lady called women "dull and stupid" was right on a lot of levels. How they go to school and learn politically correct crap is right. Just what is the "independent woman?" Is that a man-hater who is "too busy" for dates, the workaholic woman who thinks that men are all scumbags? Or is it the noble, new, diligent, smart, confident woman who is blazing a path for all women to follow? I would hardly agree with the latter. (I would admire women of the latter persuasion if they were sincere about the definition of 'independent'... but a woman wanting 'independence' simply means that she wants more options in her life. She demands options that a man can never have, and considers this 'equality'. -- NG) Sure, some women are top executives and dating isn't at the top of their list. But that dullness and stupidity comes from the fact that outside their jobs all they can fixate on is their emotional distress and something or someone to latch onto.

Now, this doesn't all come from bad experiences with women. Women can make great companions, lovers, etc. That mystery that drives the rants of this page is also the same mystery that drives men to such extreme lengths to win women over. I'll give two incidents of where I (a niceguy I would say) was left confused by women:

1) After getting past jitters, I had finally worked up the courage to ask out one of the most popular girls in high school my senior year. We had done our share of flirting back and forth, so when I asked her, I felt pretty confident of a 'Yes.' Boy did I read that one wrong. Long story short, the date bombed and I never spoke to her again. Turns out I read her signals wrong. But why did she take me up on the offer? Maybe she did like me, maybe she did it for sympathy. Who knows. It only became clear afterward to me that she flirted with just about every guy she came across, and that I was no different, despite my efforts of niceness. Where was her logic in that? She should have just refused instead of wasting her time on the date. Oh, wait. A free dinner and a movie are too good to pass up.

2) This one's much shorter. A friend of mine (a girl) smokes weed frequently yet still says that cigarettes are bad and won't smoke them. Could she be anymore of a hypocrite? (Well, flooding any kind of smoke into one's lungs is generally a bad idea. Why the hell would one consciously bring all sorts of respiratory problems on themselves? It's beyond my understanding. -- NG) I guess when you look at things we're all hypocrites in one way or another, but this is a rant so that doesn't matter. Where is her logic? This same girl who apparently needs weed, can't carry a conversation for crap either. Asking women questions was some of the early advice I got when it came to conversing with females. Of course not too many questions, but this girl just answers then clams up. Who knows, maybe it's a hidden agenda with me. The point is, it's a rant and not ALL women suck, just the ones I've mentioned.
Keep up the good work NG!

 

 

My (paraphrased) response...

Thanks for writing...

Speaking of weed... *sigh* I was at my cousin's house on January 19th, showing him the features on my brand-new laptop... anyways, in the back of the house, there was a commotion... his room-mate starts shouting his bloody fool head-off.

Turns-out that a drug deal just went bad... Cousin grabbed a butterfly-knife and went-back to investigate... the buyer had grabbed $300 worth of pot and was running-out the back door. He punches Cousin in the face as he runs-past, jumps-into his car and screeches-off. Cousin and his roommate start screaming "Get the fucker!" They grab a pair of baseball bats and run-out. They hop into their car and screech-off. Leaving me sitting alone on the couch with my laptop.

I'm like "soo.... anyways..." I look around the empty house and smirk sardonically. "Ahem. I think I'll go home now."

THAT is the type of guys that women like. A woman must think it's so exciting to be with a guy who might smack her teeth-out. *Shrug* Is that what I have to be like in order to get lusted-after? I dunno, it's perplexing. Now you know why I'm letting EvilGuy roam-around. Thanks for writing, -- NG

 

 

Procca (a lady) writes:

OK...I am probably much older than you and I am definitely older than the women you are discussing...but for what it is worth, I agree with you. Women in their 20-30's are completely out of control. They are rude, trashy and self-involved. I try to avoid them myself and I don't have any advice for you, except maybe look at some of the less physically attractive women. They learned early their shit does indeed stink and the world could pretty much care less about them....so they usually have the skills necessary to be functional in both society and personal relationships. Some of them can even talk about stuff other than their hair and boobs. I enjoyed reading some of your "rants" and think you have created a very funny site. (That was a compliment)

(Thank you so much! Women inside the 18-40 age group are definitely the ones that bother me and I really don't have anything against those in the 40+ age group. I have no beef with women over 40 since they tend to be quite a lot more reasonable and level-headed. You know... I'm glad she said 'out of control', because I hadn't said it myself before this point. Sometimes a clichéd phrase can sum everything-up very nicely. Yes, women in the 20-30 age group can fairly be described as 'out of control' half the time. Unaccountable and totally motivated by selfishness. They're slaves to their own little irrational thought processes and don't even realize they impact anyone outside of themselves. And she's absolutely right about unattractive women- many of my best female friends tend to be women who aren't "all that". I was thrilled that this woman wrote me. -- NG)

 

Thanks everyone for writing, and by all means, keep it coming.

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"Instead of going-out tonight, punch yourself in the nuts three times and in the heart twice. This will save you approximately $75." -- "Dating Tips" http://www.theonion.com.

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