May 12, 2005
Oh frabjous day! Haruna has arrived! Huzzah!
For those of you who have come here for the first time, a little background is in order.
In January, I returned to the U.S. for a sojourn of perhaps two years. For these last few months, I've been furtively waiting for Haruna (my very wonderful and very Japanese girlfriend) to join me. And finally, after three months of biding my time in the cultural wastes of Ameriskankland, she is finally here.
So now she is (hopefully) enjoying life in Anytown, USA-- a hideous, bringdown environment full of overpriced prescription drugs, low intellectual standards, fry-pits which call themselves "restaurants" and sundry architectural eyesores that offend the retinas. But the presence of Haruna makes it all seem just a little bit nicer and more pleasant. When I wake-up in the morning, her warm and comforting embrace is the first thing I feel.
Now, I'd like to offer some advice to those of you folks out there who have met your fantastic girlfriend abroad and is concerned about the ramifications of bringing her back: be VERY careful. Don't let her stay here for more than a few weeks at a time.
If you do, well, basically she'll run the risk of getting fucked. And not in the good way.
Why?
Because the Ameriskank zombie-brigades who infest this place will soon descend on her in an attempt to 'convert' her into joining their unthinking and aggressively hideous pack of scowling narcissistic grinches.
Case in point: the second time my sister interacted with Haruna, she apparently gave her some advice.
I left the room for a second. And when I re-entered, my sister (whose last residual urge to show a human spirit expired long ago) instructed Haruna in her characteristically nasal voice: "If NiceGuy ever gives you any trouble, just bite his head-off."
"Just... what?" Haruna asked, not understanding the meaning of the phrase.
"You know. Just bite his head-off." She gesticulated in a way which sort of looked like ripping someone's head from their shoulders.
"Oh, I see." Haruna replied and laughed politely, probably giving my sister the impression that her funnybone is a mile wide.
It's really kind of disconcerting to watch my own sister attempt to sow discontent in my relationships, even if it's supposed to be in jest.
Ugh. Do you want to know why American women suck so much? Here is one of many reasons: Japanese wives often like to brag to each other about how wonderful their husbands are, but American wives brag to each other about how rotten their husbands are.
The American female attitude is, in two words, unrelentingly horrible.
I've got to get Haruna out of this toxic culture as fast as I can...
Interestingly, one of the more technically-creative members in the forum (Victory) has made a video game in light of my present situation: Corruption. (Click here to download).
Help NiceGuy defend his girl from corruption by the Ameriskank zombie-brigades!
Use the arrow keys to run into the skanks, making them vanish. (If only that worked in real life!)
Though I am quite flattered to have a video game modeled after me, there are two specific features of it that I do not like.
First: the inevitability of the ending is quite depressing.
Second: although the game's American females act like the swarming, metastastic and mostly brain-dead organisms they are, the zombie-brigades ought to be far scarier and uglier if they are to seem true to life. Perhaps they ought to leave sluglike slime-trails as they shamble around the screen, snarling their battle-cry of: "Treat me like an equal, except buy me diamonds and a house!" over and over.
Return to NiceGuy's American Women Suck