July 14, 2005
Funny because it's true:
My fabulous girlfriend (Haruna) has been in this country now for a bit over two months. She's started Spanish classes at the same college that I'm attending, so she's keeping herself occupied during the day. I would say she's fairly comfortable here. Since this isn't exactly the first time she's been outside Japan, she's been adapting quite well.
One of the major differences between the two of us is that she is a very clean and organized woman but I can be a bit of a slob at times. Well, I'm not that horrible at keeping tidy, but let's just say that I'm lax when it comes to neatness.
Haruna takes it upon herself to clean-up on a weekly basis. I never asked her to do this and I offer to help whenever she wants to clean. And I do thinks like take out the garbage, mow the lawn, squash the icky spiders that menace her and so forth. But usually when she's cleaning, she tells me she doesn't need or want any help. This makes me a bit uncomfortable and I often find myself telling her that she should really let me assist her.
Speaking of which, she made the most interesting remark the other day...
"Cleaning up is so easy in this country!" She beamed as we took the clean silverware from the dishwasher and placed them into their proper drawers.
"What makes you say that?" I asked her knowingly. I could guess her answer, but I wanted to hear her say it.
"You have more rooms to clean in this house, but you don't have to sort the garbage like back home. And we have a dishwasher, which means I save a lot of time. And we have a clothes-dryer, which means I can dry clothes on any day. Even on rainy days. And the men here are very helpful."
"Oh, is that right?" I smiled. "Housework is easy because of all the labor-saving devices and because the men are helpful? Haruna, honey- don't ever say that to an American female. Okay?"
"What? Why?" She asked.
"Trust me on this one. If you say that to an American chick, she will throw a massive hissy-fit. She'll go nuts or something."
"Why?"
"Because it would expose her fraudulence! All those lies behind their knee-jerk martyrdom act. You see, the housecleaning here is very oppressive and the men here are horrible and not helpful at all. If you listen to an American chick whine on the topic, you'll find out exactly what a living hell it all is."
"Noo!" She blinked her lovely eyes at me. "The housework here is very easy!" she laughed as we finshed-up.
Of course, I've known this for a long time.
For instance, when I went to Russia a few winters ago I took a trip to Kostroma. It's a little city on the Volga river to the northeast of Moscow with a historic church. On the banks of the partially-frozen river, I saw a cluster of old babushkas crouched down there. Upon closer inspection, I saw that they were washing clothes in the water. Chunks of ice were floating past, and they were down there on the edge of the ice, kneading clothes by hand. It was maybe less than 10 degrees. I can't imagine doing laundry like that.
And when I went backpacking through rural parts of southwest China, it was not an unusual sight to see women doing the same thing in far hotter conditions. Down in the streams with shirts and underwear, beating them against rocks to clean them. And the soap they used was pretty caustic on the fingers, too.
Ahh, but American females have everything far, faaaar worse. A million times worse, in fact.
Ignore their expensive labor-saving devices. Ignore Haruna's accusation that men in the US are "helpful". Let's ignore how it's mainly women who demand that a lot of the housework be done in the first place. Ignore that no one forces them to be fussy and fastiduous and anal-retentive about whether or not there's dust behind the armoire. And ignore that only a woman can say when "enough" housework has been done which means they are the ones who create much of the housework for themselves so therefore much of the "men not doing their fair share" harangue is a fabrication because it uses an arbitrary benchmark. Lay all those inconvenient truths aside.
You see, American chicks sometimes have to press a button to get the washing machine moving. And that's way too rough on them.
They might even have to add a little fabric softener, too. How horrible that must be!
I've been doing my own laundry since I was twelve and I'm half-dead because of it. It's simply too taxing.
Pressing a button is simply wayyyyy too degrading and oppressive. And American chicks never, ever bore of bellyaching and moaning about how horrible it all is.
Oh my! Will the world ever give merciful treatment to white, suburban, upper-middle-class American females?
Will the world ever stop victimizing them so horribly? Why must everything be so unfair and cruel that a white, suburban, upper-middle-class American chick might need to push a button during the commercial break when Oprah's on?
Boo hoo!
And if only every man did "his fair share" of the housework that women think ought to be done then every problem in the universe would simply vanish within the blink of an eye.
Of course, there is never any need for an Ameriskank to do her "fair share" of paying for things. Or her "fair share" of household repairs. Or her "fair share" of carrying luggage, lifting boxes, moving sofas, assembling furniture, installing computer equipment, fixing the car, stacking firewood and all the other stuff that causes Ameriskanks to play dumb and helpless whenever confronted with the prospect of doing it.
Because American females just loooove ekwalitee, you see! Especially when it doesn't interfere with traditional female privileges.
Sadly, "ekwalitee" is a concept that Haruna doesn't understand very well.