September 8, 2004
Wow, this article from the BBC is pretty amazing in its silliness.
Hold on to your hats: it turns-out that "Women are being "parachuted" into precarious positions within companies where there is a high risk of failure..." That's right-- by being promoted into high places when a company might do badly, women are being set-up to be knocked-down. How cruel!
And here's another one from a few months ago on the same subject: what's the term for this phenomenon? Why, it's a "glass cliff". And it's a "big threat" which affects perhaps a whopping .00002% of all women; yet another form of discrimination that a small number of high-flying female corporate-types will supposedly have to deal with just maybe.
Will high-ranking female executives EVER get to enjoy the fruits of Ekwalitee? Will rich women EVER be allowed to win? Will they EVER get a fair deal? Will they EVER become something more than victims who are always two inches away from being annihilated?!
Probably not-- let's all cry a flood of tears on cue, shall we?
One, two, three, CRY!
Oh, boo! Oh, boo-hoo! Weep! Oh calamity! Poor widdle high-ranking female executives! I'm so distraught by their plight!
There, done.
So according to these articles, women are more likely to be promoted if a company is doing poorly. (In fact, we are told that they're more likely to get promoted than an equally-qualified male counterpart. But that would be perfectly acceptible in any situation where the company isn't in trouble.) The contention is that women are intentionally being railroaded to ruin. So if a company does poorly while a woman is heading it, it's absolutely not her fault if she can't turn things around in the way her position would demand. What, can a woman manager really be expected to manage in tough times? That would simply be crazy! And Lord knows, a woman executive can never be held to account for any failures which might take place on her watch. That would be crazy too.
If a woman doesn't get a high position, it's discrimination. If a woman gets a high position and fails, then some man made her fail. It's just that simple!
After all, don't women make better managers? Right? That's what I've been hearing for so many years. As if we actually need any proof of that. It's so obviously true that no evidence is ever required for that kind of statement. Women can do anything a man can do-- except they can do it better. They're communicators. They're multi-taskers. Long-silenced, they can now assert a 'feminine' style of business with their unique 'feminine' insights which are a million times superior to what any pathetic man can possibly muster. Right? Eons of years of male dominance have made men into slow, bulky, fat dinosaurs. Complacent and ossified with brains the size of mustard seeds. We must all rightfully huzzah in rapture now that highly-evolved women are finally free to come-out from imprisonment in their trees. Wielding their sharpened animal-femurs and their chipped stone-axes, they are free to usher-in the wave of the next million years. The future of business is female!
So it's only logical that if a woman ever fails in business, she must have been undermined by some cackling old man behind the curtain. Montgomery Burns is hiding back there, pulling his levers and pushing his buttons. Making women fail. For reasons of spite.
Because men are all-powerful and oppressive. Why? Because we're jealous. That's right, jealous. We're trying to protect our privileges. And we're fearful of women's caged energies. And our fragile egos can't handle a woman who is our better. (Which is basically all of them, right?) We're acting just like the dinosaurs did when they tried to stomp on their new furry competitors.
The situation described in the BBC articles sort of reminds me of the 'curse of the magic monkey's paw' where every wish backfires ironically. In this case: the little ladies are going to get their wish of being promoted, but-- muhuwahahaha-- 'tis a devil's gift! For she will haplessly be left holding the bag and getting all the blame while all the men run-off, totally scot-free.
How cunning! How skillful! What a clever jujitsu trick! Oh, those gosh-darned men are so wicked! So sinister and calculating! Always one step ahead! Curse them!
So what's the most obvious fix to this so-called 'glass cliff', eh? Well it's self-evident: give women a 'glass helicopter'!
Oh my, yes. Simply require that companies only promote women into easy high-level jobs in which they can't help but do well! That's right: give women executives jobs which are so simple and risk-free that a trained animal could do them! Guarantee the success of a female executive no matter what she does. That's the ticket. It's what Ekwalitee demands after all. If you're born male you're practically guaranteed success, right? Maybe that's the reason the majority of homeless are men?
So a 'glass helicopter' is the remedy. But wait-- it would be harmful to a woman executive's self-esteem if she were to be channeled into easy jobs, yes? It would suggest that she can't handle a normal workplace. And she'll be deprived of that feeling of accomplishment and respect from coworkers who know that she's being given an easier time on account of her vagina. Oh, it'll be another form of discrimination! Oh no! Women will be shoved into 'glass attics' of zero prestige! Boo hoo!
And they will be the victims-- AGAIN!