Utter Waste of my Time

I tried to meet a woman online on more than one occasion... sometimes it works, but mostly it doesn't. Often, she won't respond at all or she'll totally flake-out on me after the first email. More often than not, she's got some real personality issues that prevent her from finding a compatible mate in face-to-face situations. Like psychotic behavior or horrible ugliness, perhaps.

The Date

A few months ago, I answered a personals ad on Yahoo. Her name was Maya Smith. She seemed really nice. She was 20, and a psych student at a local university, and she looked cute on her picture too. She said in her posting that she was looking for a 'special guy' and was maybe interested in 'starting something' if he was Mr. Right. I replied to her ad, she writes back and we share a bit of online conversation. After about two weeks of correspondence, I'm really interested in meeting her... so, I suggest that we meet-up sometime for coffee.

She responds, and says "Yes, I'd be glad to meet you for coffee." She gives me a time and a place to show-up. It's on the other side of town, but I'm happy to go the extra mile to meet her.

I dress-up in some nice attire. I even put-on cologne. I go to this coffee shop. It's near the local university, and there's some live music playing that night. I come about 15 minutes early, and sit-down. I order a coffee and keep a space open for Maya.

Then, at 7 PM, she walks-in. WOW, what a cutie! Smooth skin. Bright eyes. Shoulder-length hair. She's wearing jeans and a tight, pink fuzzy sweater that shows-off her breasts really nicely. However, I'm a gentleman, and I take care to look at her eyes and not her breasts. She has a backpack slung over a shoulder, too. I stand-up, walk-over, introduce myself and shake her hand.

"Hi, I'm NiceGuy. I'm glad to have the chance to meet you."

"Hi there." She replies, after ordering a drink, she sits-down. I smiled broadly.

"Well, I was really looking forward to talking to you face-to-face. Email is so impersonal. You really can't get to know a person very well through written communications." If her personality is as nice as her facial features, I'm really looking forward to getting to know her. The waiter comes-over and delivers her drink.

"Well, before we start, I have to explain something to you. Feel free to react any way that you like, but I haven't been totally honest with you."

Oh, yeesh, what could it be? Let me guess: she has a boyfriend? She just wants to be 'friends'? She's just decided that she wants to go fuck the waiter in the back-alley?

"Um... ooh, this could be scary. What?" I asked.

"Well, hear me out. I'm not looking for a relationship, but this is part of a project. You see, for one of my psych classes, my professor wants us to come-up with a semester-long project for us to work on. My idea is to meet guys online, and then interview them in person and ask them questions about why they decided to meet women online. Now, feel free to call me an evil bitch if you want."

I was stunned. So, this woman lied to me online? This woman intentionally misled me just so she can interview me about how lame I am that I have to meet women online? What the...?

Hiding my disappointment, I pretended to be angry. I waggled my finger and snarled "Why, you... you... evil bitch!" I suddenly grinned and chuckled. "Just kidding."

"Well, if you're upset, I don't blame you."

You're damn right I'm upset! I was hoping to have a relationship at some point, and you're certainly not helping things along. I mean... what the hell kind of reaction did she EXPECT to get? Nonetheless, I'm a gentleman.

"Well... I'm more than a little disappointed, I'm not going to lie to you. Why don't you write that down? 'Subject is disappointed'. Seems like a reasonable response to me."

Maya lights-up a cigarette and nods.

"Well, the other guys I've met-with have shown disappointment. Some anger..." Wha- OTHER guys?

"Um... how many other guys have been involved in this project of yours so far?"

"You're number seven." Maya replied matter-of-factly. Oh. yeesh.

"Seven, eh? Hmm... Well, I have a question for you- has this project been approved?"

"No, not yet." She looked a little sheepish. "In fact, I haven't even written a proposal for it."

"Well, what if your professor says to you that he thinks that the project is ridiculous? He might say that it doesn't adhere to any methodology, or it's unethical, or frivolous."

"Well, yes, he might say that, and then I'd be out of luck..." I looked at her sternly.

I'm really more amused than angry at this point. Hell, I'll even play along.

"Well, I'd be happy to be your subject number seven!" I grinned. She again restates that she's not the least interested in a relationship. Yes, yes. I know. She whips-out a notebook.

We start on the interview, she asks me to give my life story, I give an overview of my educational background, my work experience, my travel experience and interests.

Immediately, I realized something: this chick has NO idea what she's doing! She's only 20! She's a junior! I've participated in more than one psychology project before and she's totally playing it by ear. She's an amateur! She's not being scientific or methodical about this. A real research psychologist would probably have me fill-out a questionnaire, for instance. She doesn't even know if this project is going to be approved, but she's charging-ahead anyways! She's just toying with at least seven guys in the hopes that it'll allow her to start early on her not-yet-approved project? She's not even doing a competent job of the research aspect!

I keep my opinions to myself. Finally, she asks me why I wanted to meet women online. I looked her right in the eye.

"Because, It's never been easy for me to meet women. I try, but I don't like rejection. It makes me feel, well, rejected. No one likes feeling rejected, even us thick-skinned, dumb males. I've been brought-up to respect women, and I really want to be in a good relationship with a special woman. Unlike some guys, I really want to be a good boyfriend! Doing it through online personals kind of helps because it's a lot easier for me to hide behind a computer. I'm kind of shy just going-up to a strange woman and talking to her, it takes a lot of guts. I bet you have no idea how much guts it takes. Meeting a woman online is not like being in a bar, where women automatically judge you on appearances or automatically assume that you're only after sex."

She considers that to be an acceptable answer.

Time goes on, she asks more questions, I give more answers.

Finally, I start asking a few questions of my own.

"So, how have these other guys been?"

She laughs. "Um... well, half of them have been total computer-geeks. Guys with five pagers or Palm-Pilots beeping in their pockets. The other half have been real pigs. I mean, imagine guys who have NO social skills. Guys who talk with their mouths full, guys who stare at my breasts..." She cups her hands on her very nice boobs for emphasis, but I'm still looking at her eyes. "Guys who are only interested in one thing."

I don't like the tone of her voice. She's starting to sound very sexist. So, the point of your project is to show that men are either geeks or pigs? Nice hypothesis, honey. I decided to shift the topic.

"Well, how have I measured-up so far?"

"Actually... you're probably the nicest guy I've met." Well, that sort of makes me feel good. Sort of. Still- that's code for 'chump', isn't it?

"Really? Thanks, I appreciate that."

"Well, I mean, you look at my eyes instead of my breasts. You seem to have manners. You're not crude..."

I'm a little uncomfortable getting all this praise.

"Well, thanks. I've just been brought-up in a strict household. My parents always taught me to say 'please' and 'thank you'."

We talk a bit more and swap a few funny adages about meeting people online. As we talk, I'm starting to notice that she really seems to have a chip on her shoulder. And she talks about her breasts and how she doesn't appreciate guys staring at hers. At one point, she quietly mentions that the waiter is staring at her. I don't see it, however.

I casually mention that even though I'm not averse to looking at a woman's breasts, I don't make it the sole basis of my attraction to a woman from the outset.

At one point, Maya suddenly looked a bit sheepish. "Well, in fact... you know, now I feel bad about misleading you."

"What, I'm not a big-enough asshole to deserve being misled? Thanks... kind of a back-handed compliment. I'm glad that I'm the kind of person you can't lie to with a clear conscience."

"No, no- what I'm saying is... I don't think I'll even put you in my study."

I thought: 'Oh, no you don't. I see exactly what you're doing. I don't fit-into your geeks/pigs stereotype of men, so you're going to omit me from the study.'

I decided to continue being Nice. "Well, no, feel free to put me in your study. I mean, you need a variety of samples. Maybe I'd be a contrast from your other six interviewees? It'll make the paper more interesting. My only condition is that I want to see a copy of this study when you're finished. I'm quite curious about what you'll say about me."

She smiles. "Well, only if it's okay with you."

"Yes, it's okay. By the way... do you not ever want to talk to me at this point? I mean, I can understand if you don't want those other six guys to talk to you again..."

She grins. "Well, I think I can trust you. I wouldn't mind if we were friends." Ugh.

We say goodbye and we part. On the way home, in my mind, I'm yelling: 'First of all, missy, I'm not here to be your friend! I'm not here to take-part in some unprofessionally-conducted study! I'm here to find Ms. Right! That was why I responded to your ad in the first place!' Yeesh. 'Second of all, you're a damned liar! You've lied to me about your intentions from day one! I ought to be much more pissed than I'm willing to let myself be!' I shake my head. Can I trust a woman like her? Yikes. 'Third of all, as the evening wore-on, you were starting to betray your sexist attitudes... you really act like you believe men are either geeks or pigs. Fourth, honey: you're borderline OBSESSED with your breasts. You brought-up the topic of your breasts, like, FIVE times this evening and then you go-on to claim that all the men out there are boob-fixated? You just invalidated yourself, princess. Come-off it!'

Furthermore, she had a tinny, shrew-like voice. Imagine a rodent speaking to you through a transistor radio with a dying battery.

She Flakes-Out. Surprise, Surprise.

Well, some days pass. I send her a thank-you email for going-out with me for coffee and ask her if she'd like to go-out again sometime. Hey, she's smart, she's attractive... and maybe the whole apprehensive, chip-on-shoulder routine was just an act? Maybe I need to get to know her better before I can make a character judgment? About three days after, I get a response:

>Hi, something kind of funny happened. I decided not to continue the project, because I think my professor won't accept it. On the other hand, I've met this really great guy the other day. He and I have a lot of experiences in common, and I really think I'd like to start dating him--

I stopped reading the email, and I fire-back a response. Fucking bitch!

"Hi, Maya "Not Looking for a Relationship" Smith, tell me- how is it that you backtracked on your opinions so quickly? Not only are you suddenly canceling your 'study', but you've also decided to magically grow the desire to have a relationship with someone? Your consistency of behavior obviously leaves something to be desired. As if lying to me from the outset isn't bad enough, now you've decided you're going to start dating somebody else. You are a patently dishonest, flaky, stereotyping woman who projects her own insecurities onto others. You've been a perfect waste of my time. -- NiceGuy."

Needless to say, I didn't hear back from her.

LADIES!!! My GOD!! I mean... AIGHH!!!! That, in a nutshell, is a prime example of why you piss me off so very very much! How dare you play with me like that! Who the hell are you to ride roughshod over every male you come into contact with??

Guys, how would YOU feel if that happened to you? You'd be pretty damn pissed! By the way, reading about this chick pissed-off a former contributor enough for him to send-in his own comments.

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"Love is gone. My TV's on, I'm hanging with the boys.
A life with fools, this world is cruel.  We never dispense with toys. 
Could you make a suggestion for an act I would enjoy? 
And I'm drown-ing.  So come inside.  Welcome to my- filthy mind." -- Amanda Ghost, Filthy Mind, Ghost Stories

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