Turned-Down Again.

I was sitting in my favorite bookstore. In 'my' spot. Drinking latté. Reading a small pile of books. Then, I got distracted... suddenly, out of the corner of my eye- something didn't belong here. When I looked-over, I saw what had to be the most outwardly erotic woman I've seen in months! I was stunned. Dressing like that in public? I LIKE it!

She looked as if she was in her early 20s, and straight-out of a wet-dream. Perhaps she was a Latina, I couldn't tell and I never got a chance to ask. She had gorgeous coffee-and-cream skin. She had her black hair in pigtails. She wore a tight-fitting, white t-shirt, a short plaid dress and white knee-socks. She also had one of those teeny knapsack-purses that gets suspended in the small of her back. She looked like a combination of a Catholic schoolgirl and one of the women you'd see painted on the side of a B-29 bomber. All she needed was a lollipop and the whole Lolita look would be complete. Now I know what Nabokov was thinking, the dirty bastard.

Okay, I'm a coward in the face of such a gorgeous creature... but I can NOT just sit here without at least trying to say hello. So... I wonder how I'm going to pull this off... I'm not going to use a cheesy pick-up line, because women hate that. Hey, maybe I'll just try to go-up and talk to her? Yeah, that's what I'll do. Women always tell me "if you see her, just go-up and talk to her!"

So, I gather all of my courage, I swallow hard and walk-over to her. She's scanning a bookshelf.

"Hi." I said. Now, I know I didn't look my best. I had a new shirt, but I hadn't shaved that day. In one hand, I was holding a biography of Nelson Mandela and the other held my coffee. She turned-around and studied me, amusedly. Her eyes were huge, like from a Japanese cartoon. Immediately, a big bead of anime-style sweat slid-down my forehead (you otaku people know what I'm talking about). "I don't mean to bug you... I just had to come over and say hello to you. I'm NiceGuy." I hold-out my hand, she shakes it.

"Hi." She smiled like a million bucks. Her eyes were bright, glistening. "I'm Esther." Just looking at her face made me want to smile. I maintained eye-contact with her... a little trick I learned: if you're not comfortable looking someone in the eye (and I'm not) look at the bridge of their nose. It gives the exact-same effect.

Looking at the bridge of her nose, I wanted to keep the tempo of the conversation going before I turned chicken and ran-away. "I didn't mean to bother you. I've never seen you in this store and I'm here, like, all the time. Is this your first time?"

She nods "Yes, I'm not from around here." Oh, good conversation-starting topic!

"Where are you from?"

"Northern California."

"Eureka?"

"No, closer to San Francisco."

"Oh, I've been to the Sierra Nevada recently, it's nice scenery up there..." I pause, she just looks at me. "So... why are you in town?"

"Well, I'm here for an academic event. A conference on liturgical studies." My, she sounds bright. I don't even know what that is, and I know a lot.

"Oh, I don't know what to say. What's that?"

She gives me a brief overview of liturgical studies, and I'm impressed. This woman is obviously very bright. But... I've noticed that she hasn't asked me any questions so far... I'm not sure what to say now. By now, my conversation has run-out of steam because she isn't engaging me. I'm about to offer to show her around town- but she interrupts me just before I open my mouth.

"Well, nice meeting you." She says pointedly. I get the hint. Very well, I won't force you to talk to me.

"Um... you, too. I'll let you go back to browsing." I'm inwardly disappointed, but I expected as much. Just going-up to her was an act of random optimism (hey if lightning can hit my apartment building, as it did last week, then maybe she'd like to talk to me?) But realistically, I couldn't expect her to show interest in me, a mere mortal. I walk away and bite my fist. Maybe I gave-up too quickly?

Ugh. Well, I'm not going to force her to talk to me... But I will tell you one thing: at least she acted as if she didn't have contempt for a bug like me. From my point of view, that's an accomplishment.

I'm sure she must get hit-on a lot. Well, dressing like that, you kind of have to get hit-on. It's just a rule. I'm sure not too many guys are interested in her because of her mind... and I'll be honest, her mind wasn't the first thing I looked at. I am, however, the kind of guy who'd appreciate her mind. If she'd been a bimbo, I'd probably have had zero interest.

I'm the kind of guy who wants to get to know a woman before I'll sleep with her. *Sigh* What did I learn today? Never go-up to a woman and talk to her.

She's not interested in you, NiceGuy. Don't even think it.

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"One thing you need to remember about Piranhas- they can rip a man apart."
"Rip a man apart? Well, what about a woman?"
"A woman can rip a man apart, too!" -- Ryan Stiles and Colin Mochrie, "Whose Line is it, Anyway?"

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