Women can be Lying Nutballs.

I'd like to first draw a distinction between 'women' and 'women who have lied to me'... I'm not attacking WOMEN, but women who are LIARS. Women who lie casually and habitually. Women who lie through their teeth without giving it a second thought. They lie to me because they think I'm too much of a geek to deserve honesty. They lie through their teeth and expect me to not care.

Why do I say Lying Nutballs? Let me tell you a story... Well, two interrelated stories, actually.

The other night, some friends and I went-out to a bar... my (guy) friends began talking to a group of ladies off and on... There were 4 women in all. My friends introduced me to the women, one by one. I'm a bit shy, so I didn't really try to hit on them. All of them were real lookers, and I thought one of them seemed reasonably nice. She was kind of withdrawn and dressed conservatively. She was named "Vanessa". After a bit of banter, my group of friends part company with the women and heads-over to the billiard tables.

So, time passes. We drink. We make merry. I'm having a grand time. Then, at the bar, I saw Vanessa sitting alone. By now, my confidence has been fortified by several Jello-shots. Feeling like I could conquer the planet, I went-up to her, introduced myself and asked her for her phone number... She offered me her card, and we parted. Wow, I grew a set of BALLS. Pity I need to get a few drinks inside me before I can go-up to a woman and be brazen enough to actually ask for her number.

So, the next evening, I decide to call her.

"Hello, this is NiceGuy. We met last night, and I wanted to say hello. Is this a bad time for me to call?"

"Uh.... hi." Vanessa acts stunned, as if she didn't actually expect me to call.

Glibly mentioning that she's about to walk-out the door and doesn't have time to talk to me, she says to me "I'm sure you're a nice person but I'm not really looking for anything right now. I mean, if I bump into you in the future, I'll say hello, but I'm not really looking for anyone."

Oh great. I'm not going to waste my time on her if she doesn't want to talk to me. Hiding my disappointment, I said back "Well, be honest- if you never want me to call you again, I won't. Just say the word, and I'll never bother you again. I promise."

And Vanessa responds by repeating the self-same thing she said before: "I'm not really looking for anyone right now. If I bump into you..." That's when I took the hint and crumpled-up her card. I said goodbye.

It's just plain impolite to not be up-front and honest. If she didn't want to get to know me, she could've said so when I asked for her number. Now, I'm a little confused. WHY, then, did she give me her card if she had no real intention of getting to know me? I'm rapidly getting tired of these games. Is a little honesty too much to expect nowadays? This is what I mean by Lying.

Maybe I'm just frustrated because I want to be honest with women... I don't want to be a stereotypical lying male bastard. When I ask her for her phone number, it means that I'd like to talk to you later, and I'll say that straight-away. But when a woman gives me her phone number, things aren't so simple. She might (or might not) have a number of hidden expectations.

Is she simply saying "You can call me."? No, she might be saying "Here, I'll give you anything you want if you just get away." Or "You look shifty. Take my card and I doubt I'll hear from you anyways." Or "Go ahead and try me, I screen my calls and I'll see to it that I never hear from you again."

There could be a DOZEN or so conflicting expectations she could have had by giving me her card- all of them totally inconsistent with that will happen when she gives me her card. Think about it: you're giving someone your phone number because you don't want them to call you! That's what I mean by 'Nutball'.

Honesty- is it going out of style?

If a woman gives me her phone number, then YES, I'll probably call her later. Maybe I'm dumb, but I actually think that she might want to talk to me- *gasp* imagine that!

If she was honest she'd say, "No, I don't want to give you my number." Then I'd go away. Situation over. Why lie about it to me from the outset? What sense does it make? It doesn't make ANY sense! She's a nutball!!

Sheesh. Why bother doing this? Well, a gal-pal told me once that women are socialized that no matter what, be nice. That's probably what she was doing, trying to be nice. She's also afraid that if she rejects me from the outset, then she's a "bitch". Some women accept the bitch label and will be plainly honest. Others don't because they've been programmed to devalue their own opinions and will be nice no matter what, even if they have to lie.

So that's a real Catch 22 and "society" is to blame. (Society is always to blame, isn't it? Women aren't accountable for anything they do, apparently. It's SOCIETY.)

I say that explanation is Horse-hockey! A woman doesn't HAVE to be a bitch to be honest. If women think that 'being honest = being a bitch' then... well, there aren't too many positive things that I can say about that kind of equation. Not being a bitch justifies being a boldfaced liar? Nice little excuse. What does that say about a woman's integrity?

Oh, but this gets better...

Only ONE day after the aforementioned incident at the bar... something else happens with a totally different Lying Nutball.

There's a woman I went-out to dinner with last month... let's call her 'Molly'. I had a strong interest in her, and I thought Molly and I hit it off wonderfully. She was smart, funny, well-educated.. all of the things I find SO attractive in a woman. She's in medical school, studying to be a psychiatrist. Unfortunately, from the outset, she made it crystal, 100% clear that she wasn't looking for a relationship with me. She wanted to just be "friends." (BLECH!) Still, I thought she was really nice, and I wanted to be friends.

She didn't just say this once, she POUNDED it into my skull at least 4 times an hour when we were at dinner. Fine! I understand! I'm not an imbecile! You don't want to like me as much as I want to like you! Sheesh.

So, I left town for a few weeks- vacation in the Sierra Nevada. (Gorgeous scenery up there.) A few days after I came back, I called her to say hello... (first time I've talked to her in about 2 weeks).

She picks-up, but makes it plain that she's in a hurry... she says she has to go-out the door and can't talk long...

I ask "When is a better time to call?"

She says in an extra-chipper voice "Well, you can call me tonight!"

Great! ...Or is it?

About 4 PM, I get this email:

> i don't know how to quite say this. but i thought i'd just email you. you're a very nice guy and very smart. but i think we may be a little too different to become close friends. anyhow, i wish you luck. i know you'll do well with whatever you do in the future. Molly.

So she actually didn't want me to call her that night- ANOTHER LIAR!! My God, two liars exposed in one weekend!! *throws arms up in air* I'm more disappointed in women than ever. If she didn't want me to call her, WHY COULDN'T SHE JUST SAY SO on the phone! I'm SO sick of these little damn mind-games.

Whatever excuse she uses, it still doesn't make LYING right. Maybe I'm nuts, but I think that lying to somebody isn't acceptable conduct. It's common courtesy, you know. It's what we learn in kindergarten- say please, thank you, don't pull hair, don't tell lies. Okay, lying might be okay if it'll get her out of danger (I have a gun, and I'm not afraid to use it!) but the way I carry myself, most women usually know that I'm safe to be with.

Lying because you think a guy is ugly is more than simply saying a falsehood- there's an issue of respect involved. When you lie, essentially you indicate: I think you don't DESERVE honesty. Fewer things are as degrading, cold or disrespectful.

It's just jim-dandy for women to lie to people based on appearance, voice, coolness factor, whatever. If you think that it's perfectly acceptable to lie because you think a guy is ugly, then what does that say about your scruples? Not a helluva lot, girls. You're all slowly losing my respect.

Let's review: Woman's casual and habitual lying has its roots in the society-imposed idea that being a liar is somehow better than being a truthful "bitch". Makes perfect sense, I see no need to say anything more on this topic. *Gag*

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"Truth in her dress finds facts too tight. In fiction she moves with ease." -- Rabindranath Tagore

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