Letters from Readers.

They might be vicious, but they're always delicious.

At this point, I think I should probably post a few emails that I got from people. I'm happy to say that recently, traffic seems to be picking-up at this site, and I appreciate every piece of email that I get, no matter how critical it is of me. So keep it coming, by all means. Tell your friends about this site. Post the URL on other message boards. Get the word-out. I try to promote the site wherever I can, but I'm just one person... (I've been waiting a long time for Yahoo to carry a URL to this page, and I don't think it's happened yet... bah.)

Most of the messages I've gotten so far have been overwhelmingly praiseworthy... there have been a couple of critical ones (one from a guy, but several from women... no surprises there.) Many of the shorter messages I've gotten say stuff like 'Glad I'm not the only one who thinks this way!' and even 'Amen'. I love getting stuff like that... and you know what? I love receiving disagreement even more.

So, here are a few sample letters from readers... and my responses.

And I'll tell ya... if you're polite to me, I'll be polite right back. You can disagree without rudeness, you know.

First Letter: (From a guy.)

Omg man, you dont know women man, who the heck have you went out with. Never say this cruel * to women, they are really nice people and this page is upsetting a lot of women. Your lucky I aint in front of you cause i would kick your * so hard, its not even funny. E-mail me wut u think.

And so I shall... it was very tasteful of him to censor himself for me, I must opine.

My response is as follows:

>Omg man, you dont know women man, who the heck have you went out with.

Well, you're right. I DON'T know women. And you know what? I've noticed that most women don't know women either. Who have I gone-out with? I think I've made that abundantly clear... no one who deserves someone who treats them kindly.

>Never say this cruel * to women, they are really nice people and this page is upsetting a lot of women.

Yeah, the truth's a bitch, innit? Only people who REALLY like you will tell you when you have mustard smeared all over your lip. It'll take me (A Nice Guy) to tell women what I really think of them.

>Your lucky I aint in front of you cause i would kick your * so hard, its not even funny. E-mail me wut u think.

Hah, well, if you were in front of me, I'd endeavor to wear cast-iron shorts at all times. That's the benefit of the Internet for you, I don't have to deal with any groin injuries that aren't self-inflicted... Thanks for writing. -- NG

Second Letter: (From a girl...)

well... 
personally, i love it when i meet a guy who's nice to me and opens the door for 
me and is just basically nice in every way, like you described. if i met you... 
i'd probably be attracted to you just because you're so nice! so i kinda take 
if offensively when you say that women suck cause it's not all women. just most. 
and i hate it when i see one of my friends turn down an opportunity to date a 
really sweet guy. the shitty thing is that they're usually really nice in the 
begining and then once you're dating them, they turn into an asshole. but i guess 
i'll just have to keep taking that chance until i find a guy that's always nice.

My Response:

Well, you sound like a real sweetie, and I want to take you at your word the way you've described your own actions... I admit, I don't always use enough qualifiers when I write, which means that I probably cast too-wide a net when I make generalizations like 'women suck' and the like... at first, I caught myself making hasty generalizations and as time goes on, I tried to reduce how many generalizations I make.

I'll be the first to admit that I'm often wrong about many things... No, not ALL women suck. But often, it feels like they all do.

Thanks for writing, -- NG

Third Letter (From a guy...)

Hi. I came across your site and I have to say that a lot of stuff you talk about and the experiences you've had really hit home with me. It sucks to be a NiceGuy. You do everything right (or at least try to), and it's always going to be an uphill battle. Involuntary celibacy is not exactly what I was expecting as part of my so-called fruitful and happy life.
I'm really sorry about your friend Roger too. I hate to dredge up that painful period in your life, but whenever you bring him up in your articles, I get a little murmur deep down inside of me.
Anyhoo, it's cool that you're in Japan now. I hope to visit there someday as well. I know you'll have your fair share of adventures there that you'll share on the site.

My response...

>Hi. I came across your site and I have to say that a lot of stuff you talk about and the experiences you've had really hit home with me. It sucks to be a NiceGuy. You do everything right (or at least try to), and it's always going to be an uphill battle. Involuntary celibacy is not exactly what I was expecting as part of my so-called fruitful and happy life.

Well, thanks... as time goes on, it's good to know I'm not alone.

>I'm really sorry about your friend Roger too. I hate to dredge up that painful period in your life, but whenever you bring him up in your articles, I get a little murmur deep down inside of me.

I appreciate that... and you know, the best thing about Roge is that he isn't the kind of person who'd want everyone to be all miserable at his funeral. He'd have wanted everyone to have had a fun party. It'll be the same way for my funeral: I'll insist that everyone have a big party with free-flowing booze, live music and everything. Everyone will look-back and say: "That had to be the best funeral ever!"

>Anyhoo, it's cool that you're in Japan now. I hope to visit there someday as well. I know you'll have your fair share of adventures there that you'll share on the site.

Well, not yet... Coming In April, 2002. I'm still on Planet Crap.

Thanks for writing.. -- NG

Fourth Letter (from a guy...)

I thought I was alone in the whole universe!

>I'm glad to see I'm not the only NiceGuy around! I may be not as "angry" as you are, but still, I could have written every one of those rants myself! I couldn't believe it!

It's always reassuring to know I'm not nuts... Heh, I used to think that it was only me, too. The problem is that men who make complaints like mine are branded as whiny, loser, baby-pussy limp-dicks. *shrug* But am I less of a human being because I'm a whiny, loser, baby-pussy limp-dick?
Er, don't answer that.

Specially the "If only I could find a men as nice as you"... I've jeard this often.. do you believe it?

Heh, it's an empty statement. I've heard it so often, it's lost all meaning. It's the ravings of a person who can't see her own life through unfuzzed eyes.

I thought of becoming an ass to have more success with the ladies, but I guess my principles are too strong for this! Oh well.

My principles were, until recently, fairly strong. Now they're in the process of fading away.
Thanx for writing! -- NG

Fifth Letter (from a guy...)

This was a response to Joining a Gym. I liked what he had to say.

Hey, I've been reading through your page, and it's been... interesting. Which is to say I agree with a lot of what you say, if not quite everything, and I can certainly relate to 100% of it.

I just felt like sharing my thoughts on your section about joining a gym, and how girls seem obsessed with big, muscly guys. Yeah, I agree, it's true. But it's still not the way to win girls over. Let me tell you, I'm pretty much a Nice Guy, too. At least, all the girls around me say so. Not surprisingly, none of these girls are dating me. But anyway: I came out of high school a pudgy, geeky loser without ever having had a date. I was also beat up more or less every day in my small hockey town school.

That tends to build up a lot of repressed anger, as you could imagine, and fostered an interest in martial arts for me. Long story short, I'm now a college graduate, and besides my regular career I help teach kickboxing at the university. I'm not a _big_ guy, but I'm lean and muscular and, well, I like to think I look good. I've worked hard for it.

But I'll tell you this: it hasn't changed my love life one bit. I can still count the number of dates on my life on my fingers, and I've never had a girlfriend. I've encountered all the same problems you have: girls aren't interested in me because I'm too benign, too quickly affectionate, too freaking nice.

So I just thought I'd let you know that your decision about hitting the gym was the right one. Work out if you _like_ it, don't do it you like other things (like reading!) more. Do it for yourself or no one, but don't go waste gobs of time and effort on working out just to attract women; because if you're not a jerk to them, it still won't matter what you look like.

My response:

Hey, I've been reading through your page, and it's been... interesting. Which is to say I agree with a lot of what you say, if not quite everything, and I can certainly relate to 100% of it.

Thanks for writing... Naturally, it's always good to hear someone say that.

I just felt like sharing my thoughts on your section about joining a gym, and how girls seem obsessed with big, muscly guys. Yeah, I agree, it's true. But it's still not the way to win girls over. Let me tell you, I'm pretty much a Nice Guy, too. At least, all the girls around me say so. Not surprisingly, none of these girls are dating me. But anyway: I came out of high school a pudgy, geeky loser without ever having had a date. I was also beat up more or less every day in my small hockey town school.

For some reason, hockey-towns seem to be the worst. I can utterly relate to that. And, naturally, I have a feeling that most of the people on the Internet didn't date much in high school either.

That tends to build up a lot of repressed anger, as you could imagine, and fostered an interest in martial arts for me. Long story short, I'm now a college graduate, and besides my regular career I help teach kickboxing at the university. I'm not a _big_ guy, but I'm lean and muscular and, well, I like to think I look good. I've worked hard for it.

But I'll tell you this: it hasn't changed my love life one bit. I can still count the number of dates on my life on my fingers, and I've never had a girlfriend. I've encountered all the same problems you have: girls aren't interested in me because I'm too benign, too quickly affectionate, too freaking nice.

Really? I find that astounding. Here I was thinking that the kick-boxer types had it easy... wow. Thanks for letting me know, now I don't feel quite so bad.

So I just thought I'd let you know that your decision about hitting the gym was the right one. Work out if you _like_ it, don't do it you like other things (like reading!) more. Do it for yourself or no one, but don't go waste gobs of time and effort on working out just to attract women; because if you're not a jerk to them, it still won't matter what you look like.

Thanks a lot... it's absolutely fab to know this. Personally, I'd like to find a woman who accepts me for me, and not whether or not I have 6-pack abs.

Thanks for writing, -- NG

Sixth Letter (From a girl...) This one is non-stop opinion-barfing. It is the e-mail equivalent of diarrhea. It just goes on and on and on and it's mainly a reference to the article Why I'm Fed-Up With Looking For a Date in America Hmm, why don't you go to the bathroom or put-on a fresh pot of coffee before you read this one? It might be a while...

In this email, I don't mean to offend you.  I am only speaking my mind.

"I want out of this country."

Then why don't you get the fuck out? You don't seem like you enjoy the freedoms we have here. (Might I say this includes women's rights??) (She doesn't seem to grasp the inherent un-American nature in the 'America- love it or leave it' slogan. I say: without dissent, it's not America. -- NG)

"I just plain, am almost fed-up with women in America."

Not me. I respect anyone no matter what gender or race they may be. You think American women are snooty? Take a trip to Canada or England.

"I have this friend from Poland.. he told me "You know, I've seen Ally McBeal. We have it on tv over in Poland... and a lot of guys there think that if you go-up and start talking to an American woman, she'll sue you." It was just HI-fucking-larious to hear him say this. "

And a lot of them watch these American murder movies and think all the American husbands are killing their wives. Is it true? No.

"Anyways... I try to be a man of the world. I LOVE living in other cultures."

And America is the land of many cultures.

"One reason I like going there- the women there are much more interested in being around me. (I'm not after SEX, btw. I want to feel like I'm close to someone. You know, I'd like to have a woman who I can emotionally-connect with.)"

And I'd like a million bucks. But in order to get that, buddy, you need to do some work. (Or rather, the man has to do some 'work'. The woman makes all the end decisions about whether or not his 'work' will be successful. -- NG) No, you don't have to give her money, you don't have to give her anything except for love. (If you find a decent woman.) Maybe it's YOUR fault. It's not my fault you can't get no woman. Hell, I probably live all the way across the country and you still blame me for your singledom. It's not MY fault, it is not my mother's fault, it is not my sister's fault, hell it isn't ANYONES fault that you cant get no girlfriend. ("Nothing is ever a woman's fault!!!" She hollered over and over with spittle-spraying intensity. -- NG) It is your own fault. You are looking for perfection. Something that isn't possible.

"I guess I'm interesting to Taiwanese women because I'm an exotic foreigner- Oh, American women just go WET over Latin guys, don't they? It's the same principle. "

Hmm, how many girls out there like Latin guys? That craze was all over a few years back when Ricky Martin's gayness was exposed. (Oh, right. Women NEVER found Latin guys sexy before Ricky Martin. It all started and ended with him. Snort! -- NG)

"I think the whole 'she just wants a green card' argument is total stereotypical bullshit, and it's what most American women automatically say when I talk glowingly about my past girlfriends in Taiwan. (American women don't like being unfavorably compared, you see... "WHAT?! You say I'm not Queen of the Fucking Earth?!?! How dare you!")"

No. The message us women get when you talk "glowingly" about your past girlfriends is that you think we aren't good enough for you. We do not think we are "Queen of the Fucking Earth." It is a verbal slap in the face when an American man brags about how good Taiwan women are. (It's only a slap in the face if you're constantly trying to convince yourself of your own superiority. -- NG)

"And, you know, I try to be a NiceGuy. I like to treat women as equal partners. Respectful, friendly, courteous, kind- the whole nine yards. (You know- the behavior that gets you shat-on and rejected by American women.) "

You seem to be a guy who is looking too hard for something that simply does not exist. You want a woman who treats you perfect. Someone who is beautiful, nice, clean, intelligent, etc. You are looking for too much. Maybe there is a woman out there like that, but you cannot blame women for their imperfections.

"But- these gals in Taiwan were just SO nice to me and they could not BELIEVE me when I say that women in the U.S. won't date me."

I'm nice to guys. I'm nice to guys I love, guys that respect me. Guys who don't make websites totally about how "bad" women are.

"I treated them with respect, I paid attention to them when they spoke, I give good hugs... and they just spoiled me with kindness in return. There's a saying in Taiwan: "Heavy boy, light girl"... essentially, it means that a boy is worth more. "

This would explain exactly why the Taiwan women are like that. If you look at America's past, during the 1800s and further back, women respected men. They did every command given to them by a man. Women weren't allowed to do anything. But they catered to men. (I don't think this is quite a true interpretation of reality. -- NG) And it seems this is what you are looking for.

"That kind of thinking pisses me off- Taiwanese women deserve to be treated far better and I try my best to treat them as well as they deserve."

All women deserve to be treated as equal as men. (I agree!! Now, if only more women would agree that men need to be treated as equal to women... -- NG) If a woman sleeps around, she is called a slut. She is called whore. She is made fun of. If a man sleeps around, he is called a player, he is praised highly and becomes popular. (Oh! Oppression!! See Double-Standard Envy. An essay I've written since this letter was received. This'll put her statement into perspective: she's basically complaining that she wants to sleep-around unaccountably, but other women will make fun of her if she does. -- NG) Women still don't get paid as well as men. My uncle and my aunt both work in the same profession, at the same business, and they have a difference in salaries. Maybe that is where this attitude that women get is coming from.

"By comparison, women in the US are so fucking spoiled. They really are."

Spoiled. Depends on what you say spoiled is. Freedom is spoiled?? Is it? Last time I heard, everyone in the US is free. Men in other countries are forced to join the Army and give their life to their country. They aren't allowed to have an opinion. Men in other countries work their asses off to support their families. They aren't allowed to divorce. In America, it is completely opposite. Can we say that the men are also a little bit spoiled? Not that I mind or anything.

"They've had it so good for so long that they've lost all sense of reality or proportion."

Believe it or not, women are a minority. I think (other than African-Americans) they have been one of those most mistreated groups of people in our nation's past. (Yes, it is horrible that African-Americans have been brutally mistreated throughout history- it's one of the darkest episodes in the history of western civilization. But whereas there were NO social traditions in western civilization protecting blacks, there have been plenty of traditions safeguarding women. White, middle-class American women claiming to be among an oppressed minority in the modern-day is nothing short of entirely laughable. I have sympathy for blacks who have been on the receiving end of very real brutality in the past... but I have ZERO tolerance for women who make-up any bullcrap excuse possible to show how 'oppressed' they are today. -- NG) I'm not just saying this because I am female. I look at it from all aspects. Women, all over the world, have been forced to suck up to their husbands. Men take advantage of women. Women are weaker (physically) so men take advantage of that. I am not saying that ALL men are like this (no, I am not like you.) I know that most of them are not. Take the KKK for example. They think that women should have no rights at all. That women should sit at home and waste their life away with the kids and not do anything but clean. I come from a family with a lot of "superiority issues." A lot of my family thinks that the male is the superior. Almost all of the men in my family are abusive (as I come from an Irish family.). Women are still mistreated today. Yes, American women have it BETTER than those in other countries. But that is because we are FREE. We have values and morals. (well, most anyways.) (Funny... American women have so many enlightened values and morals that they see no problem in being serial misandrists. -- NG)

"Look at the statistics: they are among the most privileged 5% of all women on the planet, and yet it's NOT ENOUGH."

It's not. Just because we can get a job, we eat good food, we can do whatever we want, means NOTHING. We also want respect. That would be like everyone spitting on you, calling you names, but you get good food, you get to say what you want...and then they turn around and tell you that you have it so good. Every American has a dream, and it includes freedom. (I'm not so sure about you though.) (Why do I imagine the star spangled banner on a flagpole, crisply snapping in the wind... as this chick types with her right hand over her heart, eating a big slab o' mom's apple pie? -- NG)

"They are among the healthiest, wealthiest, best-educated and politically-empowered women on the planet... and it's STILL NOT ENOUGH."

Then tell me this, why are American women afraid to run for President? Why did it take so long for women to be allowed to even go to school? What about voting? I'm not bitching at you. I love being female. Nothing against males, I'm just proud to be me. I take everything I get with thanks. I am not a snob. I am not a bitch. I am not your average girl. If a guy is nice to me, if he loves me, if he does what he needs to do to prove his love to me, then I respect and treat him better than anyone.

"(Don't let me even START about attractive American women- they are hyper-spoiled because they can walk-over just about every man they meet, but more about that later.) "

Attractive? Do you mean like movie stars? I am what I consider an attractive female. I ain't ugly. But I have never walked-over any guy. I do not play headgames, I do not lie. I don't use my looks as an advantage. I do not think men should bow to me (I would be hypocritical if I did that.) (Heh, and God knows a woman is always capable of spotting her own hypocrisy. -- NG)

"Oh, you still think women in America have it bad? Don't make me laugh. You can't prove to me that American women aren't pampered by comparison when you look around the planet. "

Wake up and smell the damn coffee. We are not living in China. We are AMERICANS. Have you been saying your pledge lately? "Land of the free!" "Liberty" etc! Get my fucking drift?

"At least US gals aren't sold-into prostitution at the age of 12 because the parents need money to feed the sons."

A lot of American women are forced to become prostitutes because they have no other way to live. A lot of 12 year olds have to find some way of money making. Also, a lot of American teenage girls are homeless or in Juvenile detention centers because they have no place to live. In Communistic countries (China for example) they don't have homeless because everyone is provided a house, a car, and food. (Total ignoramus! She's obviously never set-foot in the place... -- NG)

"At least American ladies aren't excluded from school or drowned at birth because they're a GIRL so the parents can concentrate their scarce resources on the boys."

My cousin's live in Alabama, a very racist state. (I'll add sexist to that too.) The women are treated differently in school. A lot of the time, the teachers don't concentrate on the girls because they don't think they should be given the right to education. Some girl's are made fun of in school because they are female. (I went through it.) Yes, it might be little kid talk. But it does get inside a person's head.

"At least they're not forced into marriage with some guy she's never met, and then have battery-acid thrown in her face because her parents' dowry wasn't big enough."

When did a woman ever say she wasn't THANKFUL for this?!? When did I say "I don't care."? Never! I am very thankful that I get to choose whom I want to marry. I am very thankful that I don't get battery acid thrown in my face. I say the pledge everyday in school. I am thankful that I live in such a wonderful country. I am thankful for everything I get.

" At least she's not forced to smother herself under a full-body burqa veil when it's 120 degrees outside."

A woman is not forced to do anything. If a woman does not agree with that, she can stand out and say NO! I don't care where in the hell she is living. If all the women in a muslim country took a stand against wearing a veil, they wouldn't HAVE to. Yes, a few of them might have to die. But success includes loss. (A modern American chick insisting that personal sacrifices are necessary for the advancement of civil rights is equivalent to a wealthy inheritor waxing poetic on how sweaty labor is requisite for wealth-creation. -- NG) And if a woman in a country like that wants freedom, she can't be scared to loose her life for others. American women took a chance when they ordered and protested the right to vote. We have EARNED it. (Laff! It's more accurate to say the suffragettes of the late 19th and early 20th centuries were the ones who arguably EARNED the right, and it was men who partnered with them in order to implement those rights. This chick was born after all the hard campaigning was already done, so what makes her think that SHE has some personal connection to the process of fighting for any kind of rights that she enjoys today? She's claiming a level of respectibility and nobility to which she doesn't come close. -- NG)

"American women should pause for a minute and reflect on just HOW good their lives are by comparison. American ladies, think about this the next time you complain about how BAD you have it."

I think about this a lot. I think about it everytime I open up a book, or a magazine and see a woman wearing a veil (and I see a lot of these nowadays because of the Muslim stuff.). I think about it everytime I hear about China destroying their baby girls. No, it's not the ONLY thing on my mind. I have shit to do. But when I get a chance, I do think about it. (In-between trips to The Gap, no doubt. -- NG) You need to quit changing your story. Speak your mind. You always TRY to back yourself up so that some girl doesnt cuss you out. If you really feel something, SAY IT. I have found NOTHING but contradiction in this site.

I'm honestly very sorry if I misjudged you.  Maybe you say things you do not mean, but I found it pretty offensive.  Maybe you should say SOME women instead of generalizing a whole population of people.

(Phew, that's bad for the eyes, innit? Still awake? Good. This letter was impressive... not impressive in a "wow, she's totally opened my eyes to my errors" sort of way, but more impressive in a "wow, there sure are a lot of female false-victimhood claimants out there" sort of way. Perhaps it's a waste of my effort to reply to this... this lazy river of half-baked ramblings, but here goes... -- NG)

My Response to this novel- er, e-mail:

In this email, I don't mean to offend you.  I am only speaking my mind.

Good Lord, I'm far beyond being offended. I've been called so many nasty things that nothing you say can possibly shock or offend me.

"I want out of this country."

Then why don't you get the fuck out? You don't seem like you enjoy the freedoms we have here. (Might I say this includes women's rights??)

Get the fuck out? That I am doing. Apparently, you haven't enjoyed Game over ladies, Game Over. As you can see from this update, I'm quite prepared and excited to leave. I think you're drawing an undue connection between me enjoying my inalienable human rights and me not enjoying certain, shall we say, vulgar persons. There's no connection between my political beliefs and my taste in women, so please don't try to make a connection where one does not exist.

(By the way, I think I should stick-in something about my upcoming move to Japan... the Japanese Constitution of 1947 guarantees basically all of the freedoms of the American Bill of Rights... Freedom of speech, religion, the press. The Japanese Constitution was, after all, written by Americans. And according to Amnesty International, Japan has one of the best human-rights records in the whole of Asia. So her suggestion that I'm somehow against freedom is rubbish. Pure rubbish. -- NG)

"I just plain, am almost fed-up with women in America."

Not me. I respect anyone no matter what gender or race they may be. You think American women are snooty? Take a trip to Canada or England.

Are you saying that Canadian and English women are pretty awful, too? Based on what a few people in Canada and Britain have told me, that sounds about right... Unfortunately, I haven't had enough time in those countries to draw any conclusions for myself... but I'll take your word for it if you're an expert on the matter. Which I doubt.

"I have this friend from Poland.. He told me "You know, I've seen Ally McBeal. We have it on TV over in Poland... and a lot of guys there think that if you go-up and start talking to an American woman, she'll sue you." It was just HI-fucking-larious to hear him say this. "

And a lot of them watch these American murder movies and think all the American husbands are killing their wives. Is it true? No.

True, Ally is a sometimes feminist-leaning exagerration of what life is like in America... but you miss my point entirely: it still was damn funny to hear him say that.

"Anyways... I try to be a man of the world. I LOVE living in other cultures."

And America is the land of many cultures.

Arguably, no. It's been said more often that America is the land of the melting-pot. There's a difference between the two, however subtle the difference may seem. There is ethnic diversity in the US, but by the third generation the diversity gets dissipated into oblivion; the cultural transfer is overwhelmingly one-way in the long run. But that's beside the major point I'm trying to make anyway: what I'm really talking about here is how I enjoy being in other cultures as a departure from being within American culture, and not necessarily by taking a taxi to the Little Italy section of town. It's often refreshing and enlightening to see your own country from another point of view. It helps one realize that the American way of life is not universal nor is it without its foibles, though I like the place in many ways.

"One reason I like going there- the women there are much more interested in being around me. (I'm not after SEX, btw. I want to feel like I'm close to someone. You know, I'd like to have a woman who I can emotionally-connect with.)"

And I'd like a million bucks. But in order to get that, buddy, you need to do some work. No, you don't have to give her money, you don't have to give her anything except for love. (If you find a decent woman.) Maybe it's YOUR fault. It's not my fault you can't get no woman. Hell, I probably live all the way across the country and you still blame me for your singledom. It's not MY fault, it is not my mother's fault, it is not my sister's fault, hell it isn't ANYONES fault that you cant get no girlfriend. It is your own fault. You are looking for perfection. Something that isn't possible.

Do some work, eh? You mean meet people? Go on dates? Give flowers? Treat women respectfully? Be kind and generous? You mean do all those things? Sorry, but I've been doing all that and more for eight years and so far- skosh. Perhaps it's my fault? Oh, yes it's the man's fault... oh, dear what have I done to deserve this horrible, horrible fate? Boo-hoo! Perhaps I haven't treated women with enough respect?? Perhaps I haven't been kind and supportive and generous enough?

Phooey! I've gone above and beyond the call of duty for women I've been interested in. I've consistently treated women far better than they've largely treated me, only to see them dump me and pamper guys who treat them like crap. That, my dear, is the problem. Not I. Take your blame-the-male attitude elsewhere.

(By the way, allow me to be a grammar-Nazi for a second.... 'can't get no woman' is a double-negative which means that I can, in fact, get a woman... which isn't even the OPPOSITE of the root problem! The root problem is that most women suck.)

"I guess I'm interesting to Taiwanese women because I'm an exotic foreigner- Oh, American women just go WET over Latin guys, don't they? It's the same principle. "

Hmm, how many girls out there like Latin guys? That craze was all over a few years back when Ricky Martin's gayness was exposed.

Heh, Ricky Martin was gay? *Shock* didn't see that one a mile away... Sorry to tell you this, but the Latin-lover archetype was considered hot by many women long before Ricky Martin was swimming in his father's balls. And that's beside the main point anyway: my main point is that a lot of American women are drawn to foreign men, so it's perfectly okay for me to be drawn to foreign women. There's absolutely nothing wrong with it at all.

"I think the whole 'she just wants a green card' argument is total stereotypical bullshit, and it's what most American women automatically say when I talk glowingly about my past girlfriends in Taiwan. (American women don't like being unfavorably compared, you see... "WHAT?! You say I'm not Queen of the Fucking Earth?!?! How dare you!")"

No. The message us women get when you talk "glowingly" about your past girlfriends is that you think we aren't good enough for you.

Well I'm sorry to say this, but most American women actually aren't good enough for me. Nothing personal, though.

We do not think we are "Queen of the Fucking Earth." It is a verbal slap in the face when an American man brags about how good Taiwan women are.

Good, because it should be a slap in the face. Think of it as a wake-up call. A lot of foreign women beat most American girls in a quality competition, no question about it. I think US gals should take a good, hard look at themselves and start on the road to self-improvement. Just my opinion.

"And, you know, I try to be a NiceGuy. I like to treat women as equal partners. Respectful, friendly, courteous, kind- the whole nine yards. (You know- the behavior that gets you shat-on and rejected by American women.) "

You seem to be a guy who is looking too hard for something that simply does not exist. You want a woman who treats you perfect. Someone who is beautiful, nice, clean, intelligent, etc. You are looking for too much. Maybe there is a woman out there like that, but you cannot blame women for their imperfections.

Something that does not exist? A US woman who doesn't suck? Hmm, I'd have to agree. Looking for too much... to be honest, if I was pursuing supermodel types, I could fairly be accused of wanting it all... but I'm not looking for a model. I have reasonable expectations for what a woman should be like. I expect that a woman not behave like a money-grubbing, bratty, self-absorbed, abusive little lunatic. Hmm, but perhaps that IS asking for too much...

And tell me: who can I blame women for their flaws, if not the women themselves? Society? Men? It's not that I can't blame women for their behavior, the root problem is that women never expect to be blamed for their behavior.

"But- these gals in Taiwan were just SO nice to me and they could not BELIEVE me when I say that women in the US won't date me."

I'm nice to guys. I'm nice to guys I love, guys that respect me. Guys who don't make websites totally about how "bad" women are.

Hmm, in your own estimate of yourself, yes. I'm sure you consider yourself to be very nice. Yet I am unimpressed. And I'm not asking you to like me.

"I treated them with respect, I paid attention to them when they spoke, I give good hugs... and they just spoiled me with kindness in return. There's a saying in Taiwan: "Heavy boy, light girl"... essentially, it means that a boy is worth more. "

This would explain exactly why the Taiwan women are like that. If you look at America's past, during the 1800s and further back, women respected men. They did every command given to them by a man. Women weren't allowed to do anything. But they catered to men. And it seems this is what you are looking for.

I'm not talking about the past, I'm talking about TODAY. The here and now. The world we live in. You're also absolutely wrong about me, I'm not looking to keep women 'in their traditional place'. No where in my wildest imaginings do I ever so much as hint towards that kind of sexist bullcrap. I'm not looking for a world in which women are subordinate to men, I'm looking for a world in which a woman will shoulder equal social burdens and responsibilities that a man carries, thus emerging as truly more equal partners. A world in which men and women have mutually-beneficial relationships without women giving-in to the temptation of extorting stuff from their man by withholding affection. A world where women don't automatically blame males as the knee-jerk response to everything wrong in their lives. The reasons for my good experiences with many Taiwanese women is simple: if I treat them well, they treat me well. If I ever treated them like crap, I doubt they'd choose to hang with me very often.

"That kind of thinking pisses me off- Taiwanese women deserve to be treated far better and I try my best to treat them as well as they deserve."

All women deserve to be treated as equal as men. If a woman sleeps around, she is called a slut. She is called whore. She is made fun of. If a man sleeps around, he is called a player, he is praised highly and becomes popular. Women still don't get paid as well as men. My uncle and my aunt both work in the same profession, at the same business, and they have a difference in salaries. Maybe that is where this attitude that women get is coming from.

All women deserve to be treated as equals? I totally agree, but not for the reasons you have. Hon, let me tell you something (and even though you're bright, I'm sure it'll take a little bit of thought for you to wrap your mind around this idea because you're clearly wrapped-up in the whole 'women as victim' view of the world.) The truth is this: there are many, many roles in which men are clearly the subordinate gender. I even make a small list in Why Women are the More Sexist Gender. The main problem behind these inequities is this: women refuse to recognize the fact that men are often subordinated. Furthermore, women refuse to recognize their own roles in perpetuating this subordination. I suggest you read what I've written as it might enlighten your point of view. The way I see it, women regularly abuse the privileges that men are expected to give them, and it's not fair.

Now, I'd like to address some of the things you've mentioned as proof of the 'women as victim' assertion. If a woman sleeps-around a lot, then yes she is sometimes called a slut. However, I've noticed it's women who do the majority of this gossipy name-calling. I even write about this theory in Sex: Supply and Demand. This name-calling is part of the regulation mechanism for a sex cartel that women unconsciously run.

About the pay disparity, The Independent Women's Forum has an interesting article on this specific point: the male-female pay-gap does not exist. In case you don't want to read the article, I'll boil it down: the male-female pay disparity is almost negligible when economists do calculations which factor-in different educational and experience levels which are key determinants for pay rates. Understand? The gap isn't nearly as large as feminist groups claim when you do the math correctly. In addition, there are plenty of other market-based explanations for the remaining pay disparity. The Bureau of Labor Statistics has a study showing that women have a higher absentee rate for men doing the same job (a 50% higher absentee rate in the 20-24 year age group). What does this mean? A woman can't make the same as a man if she's not at work as often, period. The idea that women are unfairly paid is a mathematical myth. It is hooey. It is slop. So stop believing it.

Oh, by the way... 98% of all on-the-job deaths are suffered by MEN. The work that women do obviously isn't equal in terms of hazards. One day, I'm sure you'll have a nice, cushy job behind a polished, wooden desk while some poor man ends-up getting his fingers sawed-off at the workshop in rural Honduras where they made the desk in the first place...

"By comparison, women in the US are so fucking spoiled. They really are."

Spoiled. Depends on what you say spoiled is. Freedom is spoiled?? Is it? Last time I heard, everyone in the US is free. Men in other countries are forced to join the Army and give their life to their country. They aren't allowed to have an opinion. Men in other countries work their asses off to support their families. They aren't allowed to divorce. In America, it is completely opposite. Can we say that the men are also a little bit spoiled? Not that I mind or anything.

Freedom isn't spoiled, on the contrary it's basic to human survival. Being spoiled is spoiled. I think you forget: in the most destructive war in human history, American women had the luxury of staying at home, polishing anti-aircraft shells and participating in scrap-collection drives while men did the actual fighting and dying on Iwo Jima and Normandy. That is what I mean by 'spoiled'. I can think of no better example than that to illustrate what I mean. Other examples exist in modern-day, but I shan't list them all. Naturally, you have trouble seeing yourself as spoiled. All spoiled people have this problem.

"They've had it so good for so long that they've lost all sense of reality or proportion."

Believe it or not, women are a minority. I think (other than African-Americans) they have been one of those most mistreated groups of people in our nation's past. I'm not just saying this because I am female. I look at it from all aspects. Women, all over the world, have been forced to suck up to their husbands. Men take advantage of women. Women are weaker (physically) so men take advantage of that. I am not saying that ALL men are like this (no, I am not like you.) I know that most of them are not. Take the KKK for example. They think that women should have no rights at all. That women should sit at home and waste their life away with the kids and not do anything but clean. I come from a family with a lot of "superiority issues." A lot of my family thinks that the male is the superior. Almost all of the men in my family are abusive (as I come from an Irish family.). Women are still mistreated today. Yes, American women have it BETTER than those in other countries. But that is because we are FREE. We have values and morals. (Well, most anyways.)

Minority? Last I checked, women were at least 50% of the population... how in God's name is that a 'minority'? You're trying to bend reality.

Are you asserting that I regularly beat women? That assertion is frozen giraffe-shit on a stick! I think you haven't read much of what I've written.

And are you asserting that Irish are abusive? I find that rather offensive, frankly. Overwhelmingly, most Irishmen that I've met have been very decent folk.

It's plain to me that you have somewhat of a selective interpretation of what I've written, in addition to the world you live in. I question the validity of your objectivity.

"Look at the statistics: they are among the most privileged 5% of all women on the planet, and yet it's NOT ENOUGH."

It's not. Just because we can get a job, we eat good food, we can do whatever we want, means NOTHING.

Doing and getting whatever you want is obviously not your definition of being spoiled, though. I wonder what is...

We also want respect. That would be like everyone spitting on you, calling you names, but you get good food, you get to say what you want...and then they turn around and tell you that you have it so good.

Hmm, no I can honestly say that women don't really want respect. I've seen too many women actively pursue men who treat them like crap. And normally, when I treat a woman respectfully, she will not give me much attention at all. When you're a mean 'bad-boy', that's when you get noticed. Most men would agree with me on this point.

Every American has a dream, and it includes freedom. (I'm not so sure about you though.)

So you infer that my dream somehow involves a Totalitarian police-state? Uh... okay. That's a weird thing to say.

"They are among the healthiest, wealthiest, best-educated and politically-empowered women on the planet... and it's STILL NOT ENOUGH."

Then tell me this, why are American women afraid to run for President? Why did it take so long for women to be allowed to even go to school? What about voting? I'm not bitching at you. I love being female. Nothing against males, I'm just proud to be me. I take everything I get with thanks. I am not a snob. I am not a bitch. I am not your average girl. If a guy is nice to me, if he loves me, if he does what he needs to do to prove his love to me, then I respect and treat him better than anyone.

President? You know, the real law-making power is in Congress, and there is at least one woman on every Congressional subcommittee. Nowadays, no federal law gets written without at least one woman passing her eyes over it when it gets promulgated. That is what I mean by 'politically-empowered'. Besides, do you really need a woman President to prove that women aren't oppressed? Please! Most men in Congress rarely, if ever, do things that benefit other men. Most men in Congress are fixated on doing things that benefit women. If you don't believe me: just imagine the public uproar over a Congressman who says he's 'pro-male'.

And no, in your own estimate, you're not the average girl. But then again, every woman claims that she's somehow above average in some way.

"(Don't let me even START about attractive American women- they are hyper-spoiled because they can walk-over just about every man they meet, but more about that later.) "

Attractive? Do you mean like movie stars? I am what I consider an attractive female. I ain't ugly. But I have never walked-over any guy. I do not play headgames, I do not lie. I don't use my looks as an advantage. I do not think men should bow to me (I would be hypocritical if I did that.).

Again, by your own estimate, you're attractive and you've never abused any guys. In your own, subjective, filtered estimate. But then again, it never hurts when you're the one doing the abuse. You might not even know you're doing it.

Oh, and the one thing about hypocritical people: hypocritical people never realize that they contradict themselves. That's why they're hypocrites.

"Oh, you still think women in America have it bad? Don't make me laugh. You can't prove to me that American women aren't pampered by comparison when you look around the planet. "

Wake up and smell the damn coffee. We are not living in China. We are AMERICANS. Have you been saying your pledge lately? "Land of the free!" "Liberty" etc! Get my fucking drift?

As I said, you're making a connection between my opinion of American women and my political loyalties. For instance, I can like America, yet not like the President. There is no connection between the two, so don't even try to make one.

"At least U.S. gals aren't sold-into prostitution at the age of 12 because the parents need money to feed the sons."

A lot of American women are forced to become prostitutes because they have no other way to live. A lot of 12 year olds have to find some way of money making. Also, a lot of American teenage girls are homeless or in Juvenile detention centers because they have no place to live. In Communistic countries (China for example) they don't have homeless because everyone is provided a house, a car, and food.

Yeah, some girls in American become prostitutes... however, they're typically exceptions. I'm referring to upper-lower-class, middle-class and upper-class women primarily.

On China... phew, now this is really getting out of hand... Hon, I've been to mainland China, and I can tell you that not everyone in China has a house, car or an abundance of food. Very few Chinese have a car, and frankly, if every Chinese did have a car, the traffic would be horrific. I personally know people in China who've been on a waiting-list for an apartment for a year and have to live in an office-space. I've been to places in China where people are living in damned caves. Why the hell am I even wasting my time on making this comparison? I hope you were being tongue-in cheek back there.

(But aside: Culturally, China is, however, a great place... especially in a non-political way. -- NG)

"At least American ladies aren't excluded from school or drowned at birth because they're a GIRL so the parents can concentrate their scarce resources on the boys."

My cousin's live in Alabama, a very racist state. (I'll add sexist to that too.) The women are treated differently in school. A lot of the time, the teachers don't concentrate on the girls because they don't think they should be given the right to education. Some girl's are made fun of in school because they are female. (I went through it.) Yes, it might be little kid talk. But it does get inside a person's head.

Hon, everyone has a hard time in school. Welcome to the club!

"At least they're not forced into marriage with some guy she's never met, and then have battery-acid thrown in her face because her parents' dowry wasn't big enough."

When did a woman ever say she wasn't THANKFUL for this?!? When did I say "I don't care."? Never! I am very thankful that I get to choose whom I want to marry. I am very thankful that I don't get battery acid thrown in my face. I say the pledge everyday in school. I am thankful that I live in such a wonderful country. I am thankful for everything I get.

I'm sure it weighs on your mind all the time.

" At least she's not forced to smother herself under a full-body burqa veil when it's 120 degrees outside."

A woman is not forced to do anything. If a woman does not agree with that, she can stand out and say NO! I don't care where in the hell she is living. If all the women in a muslim country took a stand against wearing a veil, they wouldn't HAVE to. Yes, a few of them might have to die. But success includes loss. And if a woman in a country like that wants freedom, she can't be scared to loose her life for others. American women took a chance when they ordered and protested the right to vote. We have EARNED it.

Uh... you totally miss my point. Women in the US are not forced to do these things. Yet, they walk-around all the time cursing-out Goddamned men and how bad life is for themselves. And, by the way, not all Muslim cultures require women to wear veils, chadors or burqas (Bosnia, for instance)... and there are Muslim women in the US who wear them voluntarily.

Oh, and women have the right to vote today only because male voters gave it to them. In fact, most men have always fought for the betterment of women. Funny how you didn't reach that conclusion.

"American women should pause for a minute and reflect on just HOW good their lives are by comparison. American ladies, think about this the next time you complain about how BAD you have it."

I think about this a lot. I think about it everytime I open up a book, or a magazine and see a woman wearing a veil (and I see a lot of these nowadays because of the Muslim stuff.). I think about it everytime I hear about China destroying their baby girls. No, it's not the ONLY thing on my mind. I have shit to do. But when I get a chance, I do think about it.

Sure you do.

You need to quit changing your story. Speak your mind. You always TRY to back yourself up so that some girl doesnt cuss you out. If you really feel something, SAY IT. I have found NOTHING but contradiction in this site.

I do my best to have consistent behavior, but if I ever do what you've described, it's because the woman hasn't given me sufficient room to be honest. If my girlfriend asks a question like 'does this dress make me look fat?' and I say 'no, you look like a masticating dugong', of course she'll scratch my eyes out. If ever I lie to a woman, it's because I know she'll severely penalize me for honesty.

I'm honestly very sorry if I misjudged you.  Maybe you say things you do not mean, but I found it pretty offensive.  Maybe you should say SOME women instead of generalizing a whole population of people.

As I've said before, you can't offend me, and yes, perhaps I make too many generalizations. Okay, let me qualify my earlier statement for now and forever: NOT ALL AMERICAN WOMEN SUCK... but most of the time it seems like they all do.

Hon, and I hope you don't mind me calling you that, (as I call almost everyone 'Hon' in a non-patronizing way), it's obvious that you disagree with me, and it's just fine to disagree with me. But don't all of a sudden start saying crazy things like I try to beat-up women or that I'm a total traitorous bastard. At least make an attempt to understand where I'm coming from, kay?

I'm not being an asshole when I say this: American women really have some serious issues regarding their behavior and outlook on the world. They really do collectively need to make a serious effort to reevaluate themselves. They have adopted a lifestyle which is crushing the male half of the country under their Gucci heels- all because they think that they're somehow 'not getting enough'. Once you take a look around the planet, US women don't have things quite so bad. That has always been what I was saying. And if I don't scream it, however, no one will pay attention to the message.

Hope this makes you think a little bit about your own behavior in future. Love, -- NG

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"Wisely a woman prefers to a lover a man who neglects her. This one may love her some day, some day the lover may not." -- John Hay, Distichs.

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