Kawaru's Saga. The Finale

Previous.

The next day, we got our results back on our math placement tests. I didn't get mine when everyone else did, because the freshman studies group leaders had the papers of those in their group. I wasn't in a group because I didn't sign up for freshman studies. So I had to go to the office of the math department and get my scores there. I went to the math office, and she happened to be there too, also getting her scores. We talked there for a minute or two. Wow, I thought. She seemed very nice, and she was even prettier than I had previously thought, since the first time I saw her, she was kind of far away. (A perfect 10, and she didn't even wear make-up.)

I didn't even know her name, and she didn't know mine. But now I knew I had to get to know her. But how? I told one of my friends that there was a girl that I wanted to talk to. I asked him to help me. He didn't know exactly who I was talking about, so I pointed her out to him that night at the pep rally.

"See? The girl over there with short hair?"

"Oh, yeah, that's Lynn. I'm pretty sure she has a boyfriend."

"Dude... are you serious? Crap..."

Yeah, she had a boyfriend. But I didn't know it then. And I refused to believe it. I just had to think of a way to talk to her. I'm not good at just going up to people I don't know and starting a conversation, so I knew that wouldn't have been a good idea. So, one day, things just kinda took care of themselves, just like the day I met her.

It was the first football game of the year, and in the stands, I sat directly behind her. I didn't even realize it at the time. It all just happened by chance. The order we were in line going up to the seats and where one row ended and another began was not planned at all. I don't think I believe in fate, but for us to be at the same place at the same time twice, I ruled out the possibility of it being a coincidence.

Anyhow, at first, I didn't notice she was in front of me. (I had never seen her from behind or in a band uniform.) I was goofing around, as usual: making jokes about how the football team sucks, changing the words of the pep mantras, and basically just laughing and having a good time with the people around me(trying to forget how I loathe football). And I noticed she was in front of me when she started turning around and laughing at almost every joke I made. (My friends always thought my jokes were funny, but I always had to say something that had perfect timing or was insanely funny to make girls laugh usually.) I always figured girls didn't like my jokes. But she liked them. She thought I was funny. She told me so.

About halfway through the first quarter(and during a lull in the jokes[I have to have a break sometime]), she turned around again. She asked me my name.

"I'm Kawaru."

"Kawaru?"

"Yeah."

"Do you know my name?"

"Um, you're... Lynn, right?" I hesitated. I didn't wanna seem like I already knew way more than I should. (But you can know someone's name before they've met you and not be too suspicious, right?) Later, the friend that told me her name said to me, "I wish for just one day, I could switch places with you and see how your world works. I would have told her, `of course I know your name. You're Lynn, the most beautiful girl on the planet.'" Whereas he probably outranks me in "los cojones," I seem to have him beat in the area of tact, I think.

"Uh huh." She smiled. I barely saw it. I was busy looking into her beautiful blue eyes.

We talked a bit longer, but the conversation came to an end at halftime, because we had to play the show out on the field. I didn't get to talk to her any more that night.

After that night, I noticed that I was actually able to see her on Monday through Wednesday right before my 2:00 class, because the class she had the hour before was in the same building I was going to. I always talked to her on my way to class. Seeing her smile, hearing her voice, it was like living in a dream. I was very interested in her, and she seemed to have taken an interest in me and a few of my hobbies. One day, I got the courage to ask her to a movie.

Some days I didn't see her between classes. I'm not sure why that was. Maybe it was because one of our classes got out early, so we just weren't at the right place at the right time. This particular day looked like it was going to be one of those days. I did not see her where I usually do. As I entered the building and began to climb the stairs to the fourth floor, I started to become worried that I would not see her at all and that the little bit of courage I had gained would have been for naught. But just as I reached the fourth floor and started to enter the hallway, I saw her. Her class had let out about five minutes late. Now, I was afraid. Walking up the stairs without having seen her and at least been able to walk away from a "no" with my dignity left me disheartened and without the courage I had spent a few days building up.

I was a timid little mouse in the lion's den. She'd never done anything to make me feel uncomfortable. (Much to the other extreme, she'd always been a friend to me and made my day brighter.) I didn't want to here "no." I didn't want to hear, "sorry, I have a boyfriend." I didn't want to hear, "I like you, but it's more in a brother-sister way." But I knew I had to cross that hurdle. I knew that, eventually, I had to come out of the dream world I had fabricated-- in which she loved me, I loved her, and everyone was as happy as humanly possible-- and actually do something toward acheiving that reality. That time was now. I asked her.

"Hey, Lynn. Um, are you doing anything this weekend?"

"No, not really."

"Ah, cool-- well, hey-- do you want to go to a movie this weekend?"

"Sure."

"Great."

"Hey-- is tonight ok, or do you already have other plans?"

"Tonight? Tonight works."

"Cool, 'cause they're showing movies at midnight at the theater tonight. The money's going to help the people in New York." (She's always thinking of others. A real, nice girl.)

"Hey, that sounds cool."

"Oh, wait-- you live off-campus, don't you?"

"Yeah."

"Aw, well *disappointed voice* you probably wouldn't want to drive all the way back up here that late at night, would you?"

"Nah, it's no problem. I only live about 15 minutes away. It's no problem at all."

"Ok, cool."

"Um, I guess we need to pick a place and time to meet, right?"

We decided on the music building, 15 minutes before midnight. That night, after jazz band, I went home probably the happiest person alive. I had only about three hours to fix myself up for my "date." (I say "date" in quotes, because it wasn't really a date. Neither of us ever mentioned the word.) This was going to be my first date, and Lynn was so perfect.

I got back to the college a few minutes early, because I didn't want her to have to wait in the cold on account of me. She got there a minute or two early. I explained that I had only been there a few minutes, when she asked if I'd been waiting for very long.

So we got into my car. On the way to the theater, I asked her if she knew what movie they would be showing.

"I'm not really sure. I don't think the newspaper told. I guess we'll find out when we get there."

"Heh, well, that sounds like fun."

It did. Who knew what we were going to see? Not us. When we got there, since I'd never used my "nice guy-ness" in situations and was kinda not thinking straight since a girl had actually said "yes" for once, I did not open the door for her. I guess it was a bad move for me, but this was a learning experience. And when we walked to the door, she opened it. Maybe she wasn't used to guys opening doors for her.

We went inside, and then I remembered what René had said to me on the phone just a few hours earlier: "be a gentleman, Kawaru. Be nice. Open doors for her. Be you. That's who she'll like." And here I was, not doing what I should have done. Well, crud. I'll do better, I thought to myself.

We actually got to choose between two movies that night. I can only remember the name of the one she decided on. She asked me what I wanted to see and I told her that I wanted to see whatever she wanted to see. I let the lady choose the movie. (I think René mentioned something about that, too.) So we went into the theater to watch Serendipity.

Serendipity, a so-called "chick flick." (Actually, a few months before, I had accompanied my friends Eliza and Danielle to Danielle's college for her interview. before coming back home, we went to a movie: Legally Blonde. I thought it was hilarious. It was a great movie, so I didn't really mind another "chick flick," and I'm probably a lot more emotional than most guys anyway.) We found some seats near the middle of the theater. Since we were so early, we got in a good 15 to 20 minutes of conversation before the movie started. We talked about our families, our friends, things we liked to do, and what we were planning on doing after college. At that time, she wasn't sure what she wanted to do, but she knew that by the end of the semester, she would no longer be "undeclared."

During the movie, we did not talk a whole lot, but we exchanged comments on quite a few things that happened on-screen, and laughed a lot. When the movie was over and we were walking to the car, we talked about the movie.

"Ahh, that was a good movie, Kawaru."

"Well, congratulations for choosing it."

"It was very cute, even though I don't believe in fate."

"Heh, I'm not really sure whether I believe in stuff like that. But I liked the movie."

"No you didn't."

"No, really, I did. It was great."

"I bet you didn't like it as much as I did."

"Actually, I probably did. I guess a lot of guys don't like that kind of movie. But I do. I'm weird that way, I guess."

At that point, we were back at the car. I went around to the passenger-side door, unlocked it, and held it open for her. She smiled and said "thank you" before she got in. (Do girls usually thank the guy who's holding the door? I'd think not, since a lot of women seem to expect that from men, but this was the first time I'd ever held a door open for a girl, so I don't really have any experience to speak from.) Then I went around and got in on my side. We resumed our earlier conversation on the way back to the college. She's quite interesting, and very nice to talk to.

Back at the music building, I pulled around to where her car was parked. Before she got out, I said, "I had a really good time tonight, Lynn. I think we should do this again sometime, ya know?"

"Yeah, I had a good time too. Yeah, that'd be fun."

"Goodnight, Lynn. I'll see you tomorrow, right?"

"Yeah. Goodnight, Kawaru."

Then we went our separate ways, and the best night of my life so far had ended. Of course, two days later, I found out she had a boyfriend, and that they were serious. I had seen a guy with her one other time, but I wasn't sure he was her boyfriend. Oh well, I guess I was prepared for that. It wasn't like she had lied to me or used me or anything. She paid for her movie ticket. I never asked about a boyfriend, and neither of us called it a date. Oh well.

After that, things continued as normal. But I knew I had to tell her how I felt. I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if I didn't tell her how I felt. Finally, I was able to tell her. I told her that I liked her a lot and that I thought she was one of the most kindhearted people I'd ever met. (This was true, she's the nicest person I know.) I told her that I knew she had a boyfriend and that I wasn't trying to come between them, but I just had to let her know. I said that I still wanted to get to know her better, though, and I wanted us to be friends. She said she wanted us to be friends, too. I apologized in case I had made things weird between us. She said it was alright. That made me feel a lot better.

I hadn't heard from Carrie for a while, and everything was alright. But then she started emailing me again. She talked about how everything in her life was going great at the moment(which is amazing, considering the fact that she was always in a bad mood and depressed about something), and she asked how I was doing. She had heard from her current boyfriend(who was-- you guessed it-- another good friend of mine) that there was a girl at school that I was interested in. She asked me what type of girl Lynn was, and stuff like that. I told her exactly what kind of girl Lynn was: the best kind. (I never compared them when talking to Carrie, ever. I just told her that Lynn was a very nice girl and that I liked her. Also, I was completely ready to tell Carrie to never speak to me again if she even tried to say anything degrading about Lynn. For one thing, she didn't even know Lynn, and Lynn was all the great things I used to believe about Carrie and more.) Carrie, surprisingly, called Lynn a lucky girl. (Lucky, because I liked her. Uncharacteristically nice of Carrie to say.)

But one day, Carrie came up to the college with Nikki. They were there to see our ensemble perform. Carrie's boyfriend was also there. After the performance, we were all standing around in the lobby talking. Of course, for a long time, I'd felt uncomfortable around Carrie, because heck, anything I said could and would be used against me. So I talked to Nikki a lot more than to Carrie. Later, Carrie asked me if it made me feel uncomfortable seeing her and her boyfriend together. (When she first told me who she was going out with, I didn't really like it, because of who he is and how different they are, but after I had a few days to think about it, I was okay with the idea. I apologized for my attitude a few days before and told her that I was okay with it.) She said she noticed that I wasn't talking to her very much and that I was being really quiet when the two of them were together. She said Nikki noticed it too. Well, of course Nikki noticed it. I talked to her a lot more than to Carrie. I felt uncomfortable speaking to Carrie(like I always did), but Nikki never gave me reasons to feel strange.

After all of that was over, things went back to normal for a while. Around Christmas time, for some reason, I was talking to James about the way Carrie had been treating me. He agreed with me because he knew exactly what I was talking about. But after a few minutes, he just yelled out, "enough! I don't even want to hear her name anymore!" So I quit talking.

A few days later, he betrayed my trust. He told Carrie that I did not consider her my friend anymore, which was true, but I did not want her to know that. I wanted to just gradually quit talking to her and hopefully end things rather peacefully. I didn't want to have to go through this whole argument of why I didn't want to be friends anymore. But she found out, and confronted me about it, on ICQ again, because she never talked to me face to face, and I wasn't at home anyway.

She asked why. I explained that being her friend was a lot more work than it was worth and that it had put me through far too much hurt for me to want to continue. I told her that I felt like I wasn't really a person anymore, just a shoulder to cry on. That would've been okay, if she'd just treated me like a decent person once in a while. But she didn't. After a while of talking, though, we decided we would find a time that we could talk in person and try to fix everything. I gave her yet another chance.

A day or two after that, she went over to James's house to visit him. She was there for a few hours. There are a few things that bug me about that. He was always saying he didn't like her and wished she would leave him alone. He never even wanted to hear her name again. But she came over to visit him, and he liked that. He enjoyed her company. And they broke up almost five years before, because they were both cheating on each other. And she always told me that he made her feel really bad by always trying to touch her in places she didn't want to be touched. Yet, even before this incidence, she always still seemed to hang around him more than me. Oh well. This angered me quite a bit. I felt betrayed by two of my "friends."

This is pretty much the end of my story, as far as it directly involves me. As far as other things go, Carrie had a million bizarre stories of all the times she had been raped, and there were two different guys she dated just because she knew that Meredyth liked them(yet Carrie calls Meredyth her friend. Why would she do something like that?).

Right now, I do not know how things are between Carrie and myself. I just hope that this girl gets some psychiatric help because there is most certainly something wrong with her, as far as I can tell. If the time ever comes that I actually have to tell her how I feel toward her, I will indeed say that I do not feel like we are friends and I will tell her that I no longer wish to speak to her. Sad, but it is much better than going through all of the pain and torment for someone who doesn't even really care that much about you.

James complains that he can't find a nice girl who won't lie to him, and will treat him well. But he has gone out with two girls at once, and was planning on marrying one of them. That's kinda messed up. And he says that the reason I never have a girlfriend is because I'm too picky. I am not picky, but I don't want a girlfriend who's a slut or who drinks and smokes all day long. I also don't want a girlfriend who has nothing in common with me and has all sorts of double standards.

René and Joe are very happy together now. I wouldn't have it any other way. My family life is not the greatest in the world and both of them have become closer to me than any brother or sister. René has been kinder to me than I deserve and is one of the two reasons I still believe that there are other nice girls out there somewhere in the world.

Lynn is the kindest, nicest, most beautiful and cheerful person I have ever met. She's smart, funny, and everything I have ever wanted in a woman. I know that, at least for the moment, that nothing can happen between us, because she cares about her boyfriend a lot, and they've been going out for nearly three years. With or without me, as long as she's happy, that's what really matters. She has shown her honesty and integrity to me, and just what it means to be a good friend in the past 6 months that I have known her. She is the other of the two reasons that I believe that there are still nice girls in the world.

As of now, I am a nice guy, 19 years old, and have never had a girlfriend. I have never been on an actual date, and there are only two girls in my life to ever tell me that they liked me. I could completely lose faith, but because of René and Lynn, I know that one of these days, I will find the one who is right for me. I don't know what I intended when I wrote my story, if not just to let out some steam, but maybe it should be to tell all nice guys out there that I have met many different types of girls. I have experienced many of the same things as the rest of you. I have met the "psycho biatch"(Carrie) and I have met a few nice girls(René and Lynn), so I know that girls on both ends of the spectrum exist. René and Lynn are in basically the exact same geographic location, with maybe a 10 mile difference. I would have to be pretty naïve to think that the only nice girls in the whole world just happened to be right here where I live. The bottom line is that there are nice girls out there, and though I have been badly scarred, I'm not going to give up.

The End.

Hope you enjoyed this as much as I did. -- NG

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"Oh come on. If we want to be with you all the time, we're 'needy'. If we don't want to be with you sometimes, we're 'detached'. If we express our feelings, we're 'over-sensitive'. If we don't, we're 'emotionally cut-off'. And when we ask you what the rules are, you say 'Well if you don't know, I'm certainly not going to tell you!' " -- Ted Danson, "Becker".

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