The Response Flood Becomes a Deluge

The feedback I've gotten has been awesome. (Three huzzahs for everyone who's written!) It is always a pleasure to read feedback.
One guy who travels a lot between the U.S. and Australia wrote me summing-up his experiences with women in the two places. "Women in the US make fun of me if I want to sleep with them. Women in Australia make fun of me if I DON'T want to sleep with them. I'm damned either way." It made me chuckle. Anyhoo, keep it coming.

I must say I've been very pleasantly surprised and cheered by a lot of the female feedback I've gotten: specifically, a huge amount of women who've written me have essentially said 'I hear ya, and I try to treat men fairly...'

That's really very encouraging, and I guess things aren't all that hopeless for us guys after all...

This was from a 16 year old female... "The Amazing Awakening Flame" (Yes, I'm as baffled as you are...)

Well, I'll start off with some ass-kissing, but I'm being honest.  You have many excellent points on your site, and I think is humourous (Oh, she uses the English spelling of 'humorous' with an extra 'u'. How classy! -- NG) and I definitely agree with you on the point that women CAN suck.  I'm a woman (well, 16, not quite woman yet, woman in training I suppose would be a better title), so I suppose I would know. (Oh, agreement is different from ass-kissing. I love them both, however. -- NG)
        Now I shall share some experiences I have had already.  A warning, I can drone on for a while, (This is true. -- NG) but here goes.  I'm a junior in high school, and yes, I have seen some instances that displays the utter weirdness of females.  I go to a mostly white, rich kid school, but I think that in the examples I'm about to talk about, this doesn't really factor in.  I just thought I would mention it.  All the names are changed in these examples to protect the stupid.
         Example One:  My friend, let's call her Jessica, has the tendency to date...SCUM.  There is no other word to describe her choices in boyfriend.  (It's what she likes, obviously. It's more fun to be treated like garbage, innit? Plus, it gives her excuses to complain to her friends. -- NG) Well, there are, but I'm refraining from profanity.  As my boyfriend pointed out, she would never date anyone who would deserve her.  I have repeatedly warned her in her prior relationships to dump the evil things she dates, since she's going to get hurt, and she's denying plenty of sweet boys a nice girlfriend.  She's encouraging the SCUM, damnit!  Let's take a jog through her history, shall we?  "Dave" was a boy who tried to cheat on her with the "school slut" as she's so affectionately called by some.  Yet, Jessica did not dump him.  She clinged on like Saran-wrap, my friend.  What is she telling the nice boys of the world?  That girls don't mind being treated like DIRT?  Argh!  That's all I have to say!  "Bill" was an ex-boyfriend who had already clearly said that it was over.  He apparently didn't have enough money to continue college education, but I suppose he was a nice guy.  The thing was, he had clearly said the thing was over.  Jessica tried to win him back via the means of oral sex.  Why was she so clingy?  Why didn't she move on?  This put the boy in the awkward position of telling her that he still didn't love her.  Bravo, girl, way to lose your dignity and be possessive at the same time! (Bravo, indeed. -- NG)
          Next order of business, a little problem that is apparent in many a teenage girl and depresses many a teenage boy.  There is always the hot shot, the "fine" soccer player that every girl wants.  "Becca" would talk incessantly about "Dan", the extremely athletic and good looking soccer player, that she had never talked to.  Sure, there was the casual "What's for homework"' thing, but when someone says "Oh, I hope I get to shake his hand at the NHS inductions!", you know he's probably unattainable.  Well, the whole time she's obsessing and doodling "Becca *insert Dan's last name" on her notebook, there's a perfectly nice, very intelligent and a not too bad looking guy liking her.  Eventually the poor guy gave up since Becca was too busy obsessing over Dan.  I do believe Becca liked the intelligent guy, but she would never shut up about Dan, and she constantly bashed down the smart guy's self-esteem.  *sigh*
        One last example of other people's behavior, and this is a nice short one.  This is a harmless thing, but it got on my nerves for some reason.  A girl (dating a guy at the time) was going through the yearbook, looking at each guy and saying whether she would have sex with him or not, obviously based on how they looked in their yearbook picture.  There are no words to describe how stupid that is. (Oh, I can think of a few. -- NG) Actually, *warning, guy complaint coming up*, one guy looked at some girl's picture and said "Yeah, she's a total bitch, but she's hot, I'd fuck her".  Oh well, the point is girls do that type of thing to, and if you ask me, it's idiotic no matter what sex it doing it.  *overly ditzy voice*  Well, screw someone's personality, it's how photogenic they are, duh!  *end of sarcasm*
        Here's my little inspirational story.  Now, ever since I've been in high school, it has been my quest to find a "NiceGuy" and be a nice girlfriend.  Not make you pay for everything, and rave nonstop about other guys and make a boy feel worthless girlfriend, a NICE girlfriend.  This wasn't exactly a mission plan, and I didn't think about it exactly like that at the time, but I decided that should I find a sweet boy, after getting to know him and deciding that he is trustworthy boyfriend material, I will go out with him should he be interested, and I wouldn't give a shmiggity poo about how he looks.  I suppose I thought this way since I'm somewhat attractive, I suppose, but I'm not the type that guys exactly dream about lookwise  (I think I COULD do with a little extra weight, but I'm generally happy with how I look, because that's just the way I am), although a few boys have begged to differ.  Eventually I met such a boy, slightly shy if you didn't know him well (although he is not shy at all once you get to know him) and a bit of a misfit.  A marching band boy, actually.  He was funny, smart, and easy to have a nice long conversation with.  Plus he actually liked me, hot damn, and any guy who still thinks I'm quote "Beautiful" unquote after seeing me all sweaty and sunburned at band camp  must be nice.  At the time he was pale, short (well, taller than me, but that's still rather short since I'm 5' 4"), scrawny, had a combover, (Combover? You mean he was bald? I'm confused. -- NG) acne, no car or job, but he was still handsome in my eyes  (All the personality and sweetness made up for it).  That's the abbreviated story of my first encounter with my boyfriend of 9 months.  Now his acne disappeared, he has no combover since he got a "stylish" haircut, he has a car and a job, and I'm glad that he's changed but when I think about it, it wouldn't matter anyway because he's still the same person.  Being the fair person I am  (try to be, if I can pay for something myself I most definitely will, and I'll argue for a few minutes if he says otherwise but he's rather stubborn so I give in now and again, and write sporadic love notes and such.  I am a happy person, and when we breakup someday (thinking realistically since majority of high school relationships don't last, although it's not my favourite thought) ,  I will drift around for a bit and I shall find another NiceGuy, perhaps another outcast and I shall make him happy, hopefully.
         One last note, in response to the reader who wrote    " You think American women are snooty? Take a trip to Canada or England". (That would be Letters From Readers. -- NG) I suppose this is to any other reader who bashed other countries women, or said that women in other countries DON'T have a hard time, or they deserve having a hard time and if they took the effort to change they would be able to.  First off, I'm an English girl who moved to America and I'm half Chinese.  (Uh oh, my father married a Chinese girl, must be because they're slutty!  *DISCLAIMER!* *I want NO mistake here, I am being very sarcastic when I say that, I think there are wonderful men and women of every race and nationality, of course ^_^ and in my opinion, people should never make crazy generalizations and assumptions based on Nationality and color*)  (I'd have to say her dad has fabulous taste. -- NG) What the hell does that make me, huh?  Now your little assumptions about women from other nationalities is all messed up!  That would make me snooty, "strong and independent", and goodness knows what else from the little generalizations.
           As for someone who said that people need to start the wave of change if they are so oppressed, I'd like to see them try.  Pardon the expression, but I don't think they would have the "balls" to do it  (metaphorically!). (It takes freedom to make freedom. Women started the women's movement because they had the freedom to do so. Men have never been free enough to liberate themselves, which is why we barely even have a movement. -- NG) It's rather difficult to break a tradition that has been in practice for many, many years.  Do not say people don't have a hard time until you actually visit a country yourself, and not the touristy sections, I dare you to go to the seedy parts of town.  Trust me, being kidnapped and sold into prostitution is a much larger threat in some other countries than the US.
      I'm done ranting now, well, thank god for all the NiceGuys in the world and I hope they all find wonderful ladies to be with who appreciate sweet guys.  That would be a very good thing. -- The Amazing Awakening Flame!

(Thanks for writing... -- NG)

This was from Michelle... Short and sweet. (She should go easy on the caps lock, however.)

i AM A LADY. i READ A LOT OF YOUR STORYS. SOME OF THEM MADE ME CRY, SOME OF THEM WERE FUNNY.I CANT BELIEVE THE STORY ABOUT DEANA P. (That would be Getting Lucky in a Bar. Sort of. Yes, I couldn't believe it either. I wish for her to be in great pain one day. -- NG) I LIKE YOUR WEBSITE.   FROM MY POINT OF VIEW I FEEL MEN TREAT ME ALLOT LIKE THE WAY YOU ARE TREATED.    
KEEP PUTTING UP STORYS I WANT TO READ THEM.

(Thanks for saying so... -- NG)

This was from Brunhilde... Subject was 'Men are jerks'

jerks are just more interesting for some odd reasons

one of my good friends wants to be just like his room mate- one of the biggest assholes around- and i told him not to be like that, but this guy does get all the chicks i even went out with him, even though he was such an asshole. there's something about assholes that attracts you to them
i thought that if i got to know him better, there would be something deep down inside of him that would make him a better person- i was living in a dream world- i had to wake up to reality and find out that he's just an asshole and will always be that way.

(There you have it: jerks are interesting, nice guys are boring. I used to think I was pretty interesting, what with my travels and sense of humor and hobbies and such... but I guess I should be controlling and dishonest if I want to be truly interesting. A line from Billy Joel's Only The Good Die Young comes to mind: "I'd rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints; the sinners are much more fun."
Still, her statement perplexes me: she advises her nice-guy friend to stay nice, yet she also finds nice guys unattractive and finds jerks attractive. By her own standards of attractiveness, isn't she condemning him to a lifetime of datelessness? Why doesn't she advise him to be a jerk if that's what she really likes in a man? Why does she reward jerks with affection under the idea that they might be good underneath it all when someone else is already good from the outset? Is it 'liking a challenge', or just silly? Does this make any sense to anyone? I'm sooooo getting a migraine over this. -- NG)

Dedge (a guy) writes:

heya, im an 18 year old male livin in south australia :P anyway, i really like your site, and just wanted to say thanks for posting your experiences on the net. my only shitty woman experience was with my ex-gf. we were going out together for 2 years until one day out of the blue, she dumped me, giving no reason whatsoever...i suppose its her decision whether or not to give any reason, but i believe its just cruel. (She's a woman. She doesn't need a reason to do fracking anything!!! -- NG) it certainly hurt. of course it doesnt help that i loved her very deeply and even in hindsight there wasnt a hell of alot wrong with her...i think that society got to her. the whole 'the magazine says you should have this, the tv says you need that' bullshit. anyway, when this happened to me i felt like shit, and i knew that i wasnt the first person in the world to feel that way, but actually reading your accounts of being mistreated made me feel better. so thanks. (Heh, don't worry. I used to think I was nuttier than squirrel-shit for even thinking what I think. -- NG)
ps. corona is a badass beer, specially with a wedge of lemon stuffed down the neck of the bottle, they are pretty expensive in aus :P mexican import hahaha.

(Well, Australia has some good beer, too. Hmmph, in America you have to be 21 to enjoy it, however. I don't see why: I mean, at 18, you can vote, join the Army, buy porn and a gun-- but you can't get a beer. Oh, and if you're a 16-year old female, you have a good shot of getting into a bar by flashing a bit of bosom. -- NG)

WKRP (a lady) Writes:

From what I have read you will not reveal what city you are writing from but, I will say that women in Cincinnati, OH should write a column like yours.  With there being more men than women  here guys here tend to treat women very badly.  (I find that very surprising. I mean, I understand San Diego has a big male-female disparity due to the naval base, but I wonder why a midwest city would have a gender-ratio disparity? -- NG) There aren't any nice guys here.  If there are please let me know.  I have dated every shape, race, age and type.  I have traveled all over the world and dating in this city truly sucks.  Men here abuse women and get away with it on a daily basis.  They will date more than one women at a time and think nothing of it.  I had a guy on a date ask me "Besides dick what type of dessert do you like?"  (Ewwwwww!! -- NG) I ignored the question so he says "Did you hear what I asked because you didn't answer."  Needless to say the date was over right then and there. (Heh, no kidding. Eww. But at this point, I think it's safe to say: the men that she is attracted to in Cincinnati are jerks who treat women badly... which doesn't make her too different from any other woman in any other city. Once again: women like bastards, and WKRP's experiences only serve to reinforce that idea. -- NG)
Keep writing more updates.  This now one of my favorite sites.  You are the Bernie Mac of all men you say exactly how others feel.  I LOVE IT!!!!!

(Aww, you are SUCH a sweetie for saying that!! Blush! I don't know what to say but 'thank you'! -- NG)

Wen (a dude) Writes:

Dear Mr. Nice Guy,
I have recently visited your site and am still amazed by how accuratly it depicted my life so far. It made me feel as if i was not the only person stuck to live the curse of being nice. (Nope, you aint. -- NG) I found that like you, girls refer to me as nice, sweet, and some call me prince charming. But like toy, females arent very attracted to me. I have all the nessities to be a perfect boyfrined. I am optimistic, sweet (as ive been told), and caring.  I show signs of sensitivity, i am as loyal as they come, and must importantly of all i'll always be there for my girlfreind. physically IM in great shape, i can bench my own weight and then some (Damn. I'm surprised the gym-girls don't come-on to him. -- NG), i have what seems to be a developing 6 pack and work out reguarly. I believe like you i will be failed to live out a life of lonliness seeing as how the longest relationship i was able to maintain lasted only 2 weeks before she decided that she didint reallie care much for me.  *Sigh* i would like to thank you for your website, its our rebuttal to those male bashing sites written by women with drunk abusive fathers and abusive boyfreinds. i await the day that woman will stop hooking up with assholes and bastards, and start dating the sweet and nice guys of the male population.
but ill never understand the hypocricy of society. (Me neither, but it makes for great non-fiction, dunnit? -- NG) society trys to teach us to root for the underdog and date the guy with inner-beauty, marry for love, and have sex only when YOU think your ready and deeply in love.  And look whats happened, aesthetic appearnces is ALL that matters (other than money), inner beauty is only a kicker (its a side treat now no longer worth anything alone), and sex....people have sex for the most moronic reasons immaginable. (Yes... and not for love, as my female high-school classmates indicated by de facto consensus. -- NG)
i find your website a light at the end of this dark abyss of drudgrey i call life. thank you, and youl always have a fan in me

(Awww, thanx! You wanna know the best way to get through the dark abyss? Live well and enjoy yourself, females be damned. That's truly the only way. -- NG)

This is from SA, (a female):

I am a 24-year-old Pakistani American and a soon-to-be doctor.  (Neato. -- NG)

I found out about your website from the regular mail I get from Cosmopolitan magazine. Some reader had recommended your site and said that it was great. (Is that so? Is this actually in an edition of Cosmo? Wow... Wouldn't that be something? Not to mention ironic? -- NG)

I feel sad reading what you wrote. My heart goes out to you and to the other sincerely sweet people.  I think sex has become something it was not intended to be. People use sex as a weapon, as a manipulation, as a means to boost the ego. (No disagreement here. -- NG)   In a world where Sex in the City is big and women are concerned with penis size and men comment about hooters, what can we expect? (I've never watched Sex in the City, as I don't have the right cable channels... I'd welcome reader comment on it, however. -- NG) I always imagined sex as an expression of affection and care.  I do not want to be another pussy in someone's history.  And I do not like it how it is so common to talk about a very private and special experience as if it was simple dinner conversation with the friends. I often feel sad listening to my guy friends and my girl friends go on and on about a lover, about her ability to perform, about his ability to make her orgasm. Is it just a performance? And what about this obsession with vibrators. (I don't know. I just don't know. Women want to have orgasms without pesky men getting in the way, I guess. But a stripper told me an interesting story about an exploding vibrator once... -- NG) A guy friend was hurt when he was with a woman and in the middle of sex she took out her vibrator.  I went to South of the Border and saw a penis meter. An actual ruler that a guy was supposed to put along his erect penis and measure it. And there were such nasty remarks on that stick, ridiculing a small man and commenting on how well endowed a man is if he was far on the penismeter. We see commercials of Bloussant, a natural estrogen to enhance breast size. (I'm sure it doesn't work. -- NG) The Jerry Springer show (trash) stars pregnant hookers (Hah! I never watch Jerry Springer. It makes me ashamed to be the same species as the guests. It's mostly fake, anyway. -- NG) .  Even sitcoms are all about sex. There is nothing wrong with sex, but are we trying to make it more than it is. 

Sex is very special and can be a gift. It is sad how people use it as a way to boost up nonexistent self-esteem. And worse of all, is how we hurt others.  Sex is a very responsible act. It involves two people, and everything that happens should be of mutual concern.  I am not referring to the responsibility concerning AIDS and pregnancy and sexually transmitted disease.  Most of all, I worry about the emotional consequences. We are all emotionally responsible for one another. Like the time that tramp in the bar used you, and you felt horrible after that...

I pray that you find someone very special who can cherish you and who can understand the beauty of an honest, loving relationship. I liked reading Erich Fromm's The Art of Loving. We have become too much of windowshoppers when we look for a companion. We try on different people as if they were garments. But when a man is naked with a woman and a woman is naked with the man, there is a moral, social, and emotional responsiblity between them to be decent humans, to really care about not hurting the other's feelings. (I agree. I really, really prefer the intimacy of sex to the act of sex itself. I love to feel a warm body against mine. Not just any body, mind you, but the body of a special woman. I love to feel that special woman's arms around me. That's what I really fantasize about. That's what I yearn for. That's what I love the most. -- NG)

I do not know much about religion. I do no tknow much about sin. But for me, the biggest sin of all is to hurt someone. To be irresponsible about someone's else's feelings. Prayers and peace.

(She's obviously a very intelligent, very reasoned woman. I'm very, very glad she wrote to provide her viewpoint. -- NG)

TooMuchTimeOnHands (a 13-year old female) writes...

Hello NiceGuy, this is one of your female readers. First of all I'd just like to state that even though I don't completely agree with your opinions, I highly respect you for being a realist. (Oh, I try. -- NG) Mind you I'm only thirteen years old but I've noticed many of the things that you've talked about. (As a rule of thumb, I always like to treat teens as young adults... hell, I know 13 year olds who act more maturely than do certain twenty-seven year olds. -- NG) I'd just like to state, for the record, that all women aren't like that. I know that all women aren't like that because I'm not like that. Hell, I'm learning from your website. I don't want to become one of those one-sided women who think that all of the rules of a relationship only apply to men. (Well, that's simply great to hear. -- NG)

  Oh, and let me just say, I feel for you and the whole Lying Whorebag situation. (Thanks. Being engaged to her was like watching Snow White suddenly turn into Genghis Khan... Actually, that would be an unfair comparison. Unfair to Genghis, that is. -- NG) If it's any consolation I would adore a man who would cook for me, and for what it's worth if I were older and available I would go out with you in a second. (Awwwwww, thanks. -- NG) I happen to have an online relationship now. My b/f is about seven years older than I am and I couldn't love him more. (And no, I'm not one of those naive girls who'll do anything for a piece of candy) He's a NiceGuys too, very nice, and we're very happy together. (*Chuckle* That's good to hear. -- NG)

  I appreciate him very much and like I said I've yet to experience different types of realtionships... but know that there are women out there who are not Lying Whorebags. It's true I don't think of myself as a sexist female but nor am I saying that I'm flawless. I know I make mistakes sometimes and that I will make mistakes in the future, but that's on me and I'll better myself to be the kind of woman that I want to be. And if I ever get serious with a Lying Manwhore... well, I'll e-mail you when that happens.

  After I read some of the things in your website I've been more conscious to certain things I watch on tv. Mainly on Ally Mcbeal (One man being a pervert, and the other being a dork). I'm sure there are plenty women who would disagree with me, but even more importantly I know many women who wouldn't disagree with me. I read your, "Why Women Are Such Incredibly Sexist Creatures." and I can relate. But with as much affect as this will have on you, I disagree with your generalization of women behavior. Women aren't all one person, we're individuals. (Yes, I generalize too much. Point taken. -- NG) This isn't a one-sided opinion either. I don't agree any more when a woman says it about men, but I think that because women feel that they are more of the "oppress-ees" than "opressors", they feel they have a right to say whatever there is about the opposite sex. (True. And I've noticed that men tend to be rather good-natured about women who do that. They react with 'okay, I'll let you get away with it this time'. -- NG)

  Here's where I reveal my "woman's point of view." I read your "Why Guys Suck" page and I am just shocked. I know that you know guys suck but you forever went on and on and on ranting about your experience with women, but I see a six paragraph page about men. (Yes, I'm not exactly on an even keel on that one. But my main frustrations tend not to result from my interactions with guys. -- NG) Now for wondering why women don't notice themselves, this kind of shocked me. I don't want to "lose my cool" here but everyday I look at women and I wonder, "Which one of these women have had abortions? Been left in time of pregnancy? Been in an abusive relationship?" And then I think, "Out of all the women in the world who've had dificult experiences with men, who would agree with NiceGuy?" I'm sure you could ask the same question when you go to the Feminist websites, too. (Quite. And those outnumber mine at least ten to one, it seems. -- NG)

  With all of this said, this is where I stop my little essay. Women and men can agree and disagree but there's no end to this collision of ideas and opinions. Out of all of this my point is basically: All women aren't Lying Whorebags; All men aren't Lying Manwhores; and even though I somewhat disagree, you've really gained my respect (which not a lot of men nor women get). (Well, kewl. Thanks for letting me know. -- NG)

JimmyBond (male) sez:

Let me start off by saying that i'm an asian guy and a lot of the things you say about Asian women are true to an extent. (Yes, my experience leads me to think that they are wonderful to a great extent. -- NG) In general some Asian women tend to be more open to a guy's personality first rather than judging off the bat. I'm Chinese american btw..I was born in the U.S. and have lived here most of my life. (Ah, an ABC... (American Born Chinese, for those of you who aren't familiar with the term.) -- NG) What you seem to be leaving out is that many Asian women or specifically Asian American women have the exact same faults as most white/latina etc.. women. (You know, he's right. I don't say much about the Americanized Asian women. I sorta mentally lumped them together with all the other American gals, regardless of race. Blue Jade, for isntance. -- NG) Actually in some cases magnified to an extreme. Some Asian women are even racist towards Asian men which shows that there is a degree of classism at work in the US Asian men have it ROUGH in the US when it comes to image and as a result sometimes dating. (I've always sympathized with Asian-American guys; a lot of my Asian guy-friends usually seem to have a tougher time dating than I do. -- NG) I'm not turning this into a debate over race when it should be over relationships with women but I think a lot of your success overseas has to do with the caucasian media image more than anything. (I'm extremely leery of talking about anything remotely tending towards racism. It makes me very, very upset. -- NG) Asian women can be extremely materialistic and bitchy as well and it's not centered on just "white" American women. Japan is probably the most materialistic nation on earth btw but I'm sure even the geekiest gaijin can play off the image to get dates there from what my japanese friends have told me. Anyways, good luck but know that some people like me have to deal not just with the American woman attitude but society's racism in the dating game also. (Absolutely agreed. I'd appreciate more reader commentary on this issue, as it's quite important and relevant. Thanks for writing. -- NG)

EvilA (a guy) Writes:

Dear NiceGuy,
     I just got done reading most of your stories. I really enjoyed them, they're interesting and somewhat humorous. (Well, I try. -- NG) Now I know about the crazy women that world has to offer. I think you're just like me. A niceguy, just wants a relationship but always get the backend. But after reading your stories of life and relationships, I know there's hope. You've really enlightened me on this, I think you should write a book on this, after you're done that is. And, I am also a little geeky. I'm not very attractive, but people like me. Yea...
Well anyway, I just read your top 10 criticisms, and your 10th one, "You're a geek". Well, I don't think that's true. You get laid too much to be a geek :). (Heh, if it's all the same, I don't think I have too much sex. -- NG) That or you treat the women so nice they really don't give a damn about the way you look. (Maybe they just had standards that were low-enough to find me relatively inoffensive? -- NG) Well, I just wanted you to know that you've helped someone today, and I'll keep your stories in mind the next time I try relationship. Thanks. Bye. (Thanks for saying so.... -- NG)

Ruthven (a guy) writes a rather long, but interesting story: 'My Triple Ex Girl Friend'.

Well, after finding your site, I just thought of adding my own bit of misery.    

For all purposes, my name in the story is Ruthven (may want to remember this, it plays a major role in my sad tale).

    Like you, and basically all guys who have written here, I am a nice guy.  I treat women decently, I'll hold a door for both man and woman, etc.  I know I'm not handsome, I'm pretty average looking if I say so myself. I'm pretty intelligent, in college now; when faced with a desicion my mind works quickly for a good solution... or maybe a witty come-back.  Though with all of that, I am incredibly shy under most cercumstances.  But this story isn't all about me, it's about me and my ex ex ex girlfriend who is... what ever the hell you wanna call her, I'll just use GF.

    I was fifteen and at a skating rink with my best friend, his gilfriend called... uhhh... GF2, and my friend's brother. (Yes. Reduce their identities to alphanumeric shorthand. -- NG) While having a great time, and and nearly breaking my arm, jumping up and down on roller skates, joking around that by friend's bro is breaking up with his girlfriend.

    After nursing my arm for around half an hour, (it went on to hurt for a few weeks but it healed...) I think I saw a pretty cute blonde sitting alone at one of those beat-up tables at the rink.  After a small conversation with her, I asked her to skate with me, and she accepted.  After a great "skate around the circle" we sat down and talked some more.  I found out that she was GF2's friend, and was brought by her to skate. Learning this, I jokingly went to GF2 and thanked her for bringing GF.  So, we exchanged numbers later that night when the two left, while me, my friend, and his bro stayed till closing.

   So, we began talking, she said she missed me after only one night, I missed her too, yadda-yadda-yadda. Anyway, she would call me everyday, sometimes three times for hours on end.  A couple times we got together, only at the rink since neither of us could drive.

   Some weeks roll on, and we go to the rink on New Year's Eve, skating for some hours I sat her down and asked her to be my girl friend.  Her only reply was taking one of those gaudy party hats, and whisper through it into my ear, "I love you".  Well, first I was a little taken back and told her to cool it down with that (only 14 & 15, what the hell do we know about love other then family?)  So, I took her response as a "yes" and hugged her.

    More weeks go by, we talk, actually get together at my home to hang out, and the calls just kept coming, with us having trmendous amount of dead air since I am only good at talking face-to-face (or maybe AIM).  One of our get-togethers, I got an early Valintines present: a small glass heart.  When she came over, as friendly and lovingly (I broke down and admitted my love), gave her the glass object saying, "You're holding my heart".  I guess she liked the act.

   All of a sudden, the calls stopped coming, was a pretty shocking experience.  On the fith day of radio silence with GF,on the bus home from school, I tell my friend that I doubt I'll ever hear from her again... I was wrong.  Somewhere around twenty minutes after I got home, the phone rang.  GF said that she had something she wanted to tell me but didn't- a couple moments later, I hung up and was single again.  She's now an ex-girlfriend.

   Whew, well, after the break-up, I went for solace in music, went away from the safety of oldies and went for newer versions... I had to have something very loud and heavy to kill some brain cells.

   Time moves on, and she starts calling again, she is bewildered by the fact I haven't found anyone yet again, while she has found at least three, one of which is also named Ruthven (That would be Ruthven2, I guess. -- NG) (who by the way took her virginity, when she was admiant about staying "pure").  Of course, I didn't find out about the sex till my friend told me, since GF & GF2 still hung out every day.

    Moments pass more, and GF breaks up with Ruthven and starts talking to me again.  After more failed attempts of finding other men, she asks if I'd ever want to go out with her again (dumb me, I thought she ment a date) so I was tricked into being a boyfriend. Some time later, she admitted to her activities with Ruthven, and I told her I knew, and although she has changed, she will always be the GF I met so long ago in the skating rink... and I meant this.

   So, we started up again, I overhear from her that she regretted breaking up with me, I was the best thing that came in her life, she loves me, won't make the mistake again.  My little ego was trying hard not to inflate by being praised like that.  So, after weeks of planning, she came back over to my house, we watched a couple movies, hung out, she played very fiesty and I gave her a massage that lasted over an hour (no hanky panky though, dammit). And she left.  At five o'clock the same day I got a phone call from her, wanting to breakup  That shocked the hell out of me, and I demanded a reason for it, naturally, I didn't get it.  (She doesn't need a reason. She's a woman. -- NG) Took months of coaxing till she  finally gave me the reason... I didn't fall for tricks, and was only one who she felt powerless.  (You know those dumb games "Hey, I have something really important, wanna hear it?"

   "No."  "Ok. ...aren't you gonna tell me?"  "No, 'cause you said you didn't want to know.")  I was the first person, and when I said, "No" I never backed down.  Thing is, I did this so I wouldn't be like everyone else who she joked about falling for it.  Graduated to ex ex ex girl friend.

    Well... conversations crawled to a near standstill, a few letters and a few jokes shared but nothing along the lines of real news except for one bomb.  She got back together with Ruthven later... and was impregnated by him.  They were to be married in some other state, but due to some type of trouble, she was transported back to our home state (she was 16 at this time, now she should be 17).

    It makes me think about the irony that runs rampent in my world, one Ruthven who would have treated her like a princess was dumped for another who argued with her and basically ruined her life; socially and financially. (Well, he's also probably good in bed. So it all evens-out in GF's mind. -- NG)

    After a few failed atempts to just say, "Hi" to her, I gave up ever finding her, and although I wish her good fortune (not wanting her to suffer) I hope she knows the potential she had, now college student who would have waited patiently, and not have screwed her over... literally and figuratively.

   Anyway, that's my rant... I hope it made some sense.  Later Days.   -Ruthven

(Very verrrry interesting. -- NG)

As always, keep the comments coming...

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"Bigamy is one wife too many. Monogamy is the same thing." -- Oscar Wilde.

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