The Flood Continues: Yet More Feedback...

Yes, as it says, here is a synopsis of yet more feedback I've gotten from readers... So far, I've gotten quite a few samples, and a surprising number of women have written words of agreement. One wrote me an email saying "I think you're totally wrong..." and then a few days later wrote again with no prompting from me, saying "I've read a bit more, and I think I understand your point of view now..." Haha, I love it! As always, write me!

From Jenny:

>I have to say I was offended by many of the things you said, and while I thought your disclaimer for the women out there who might be nice--was weak...at least you acknowledged that we might still exist.

Thanks for writing... Yeah, nowadays you can't really get-away without offending SOMEbody.

But, you're right... my disclaimer is admittedly kind of weak... However, I've seen yet weaker disclaimers about the characters of men over at the National Organization for Women website. I'll probably have to strengthen my own disclaimer over the weekend, but I'll say it again: not ALL women suck... but most of the time it seems like they do.

>I think you need to make peace with yourself before you will find the right woman. I felt very sorry for you when I read the story about Roger.

Yeah, he would've been a great dad one day. Life is hard. Then you die. Then they throw dirt in your face. Then the worms eat you. But... I'm just thankful it happens in that order!

>Do I think I will? That depends on the day...but when I read a page such as yours...I tend to think no because either the men are all jerks, taken, or nice guys who are becoming so cynical that they won't be categorized as jerks or taken, but just bitter.

Heh, well, there ARE Nice Guys out there who haven't made the full transition yet.

>Recently I have become very frustrated w/men...not to the point of your frustration w/women, but frustrated none the less. I have been told recently that I scare men. Well how nice is that...so while you're too nice and are just a friend...I scare the opposite sex. Well...that doesn't stop me from living my life, nor does it cause me to put up a "Men SUCK" website.

Well, good, because there are way too many of those already.

>The way I'm dealing with it is by still living my life to the fullest, not compromising what I want, and not settling.

And I... by moving to Japan.

>And when men say that I scare them, I ask them why. When they attribute it to how successful and well rounded I am in my life, then I realize they aren't the right ones for me, and I move on...I will not change who I am because I intimidate someone.

Personally, I consider my core personality to be mostly non-negotiable. Pity that people spend most of their time writing to me, saying about how there's something horribly wrong with me and I've got to change into a Nicer Guy or a Non-Nice Guy or ANYTHING but the useless lump I currently am.

>I have a question for you...what are you looking for. Do you have a list of pros and cons or what you wouldn't compromise on in your partner, but what you might compromise on? Have you verbalized it or written it down? Might it be on the website and I've missed it?

Well, I've thought about that same question.. I think it's best to say that I'm somewhat flexible on some points... but there are other areas in which I can't compromise. To tell you the truth, each woman I meet is a whole different creature and it's tough to develop a standardized checklist. Maybe I could write one-out some time? Hmm..

>You say your female friends date drug-addicts, gambling losers, unemployed pigs, etc...maybe you are picking the wrong women. I can safely say I've never knowingly dated men like that, nor do I have any interest in it.

Hah, well, what can I say about them? They want to 'fix' them. They want a 'challenge', I suppose.

>I know I am going to have more thoughts about the things I read on your website, which will probably cause me to want to write some more...but this is enough for now. I just challenge you to look inside yourself for happiness instead of blaming it on women sucking...and if you are so enchanted w/the women in Taiwan...why haven't you found a way to move there and stay w/one of them?

Well, on the first bit... yes, I've looked-inside myself a great deal. I've been self-critical by a massive amount. I hope I've made that a bit clear by the amount of good-natured self-flagellation that I do in my writings... however, how many women can honestly say they do the same to themselves? How many women critically, objectively analyze their own behavior and say 'gee, I'm a bitch!'? I'm sure you look at yourself now and again, but not everyone does.

>It seems like you have a lot of parameters and wants...maybe these are the things that only women from Taiwan or these drop dead gorgeous women who apparently don't have brains or self esteem can give you. Maybe the real women out there are too much for you??

Hmm.. I find that statement curious... By 'real' women, you mean flesh and blood as opposed to a plaster of paris simulacrum on a chicken-wire frame? Most of the women I've pursued have been flesh and blood.. or maybe you simply mean 'nice' women? Believe me, I never wake-up in the morning and say to myself 'Gee, I feel like limiting myself strictly to backstabbing bitches today... and maybe tomorrow, I'll dabble in schizophrenic whiners?'

>You don't claim to be good looking,

Oh, because my ego isn't huge-enough for me to say so. That, and women never volunteer that information, because it might make me vain and demanding.

>in fact I gathered you are skinny, small and geeky looking...but the way you've described every woman w/the exception of Lillian and your sister is by their physical looks...oh wait, you did mention that Jaunita had brains...but that was only after we found out how good looking she was, and yet she's still a 7. Maybe you are afraid of something and therefore set yours expectations so high.

Hah, I must look like a weasel! Snicker Hmm, I should say it here (and I should emphasize this more clearly in a separate writing) that my 1 to 10 scale that gets thrown-around a lot... that's my fault. That's a highly subjective scale and a woman's actions can change whether or not she moves up or down... first impressions can be high and then decrease as I find-out that she's actually a loopy crack-head. As for Gabrielle... her personality vaulted her up quite a bit over time. 10 is unattainable by mortals, but I'd probably give Jianglin a 9.9 by virtue of showing me her inner beauty. So, looks, personality, actions, brains... they are all a factor in the composite grade... you know what? I really should've started-off stating that clearly to the world? One of the criticisms that I've gotten so far is the self-righteous accusation that I appear too superficial... as if most people typically aren't superficial.

>And another question...have you ever ASKED the women who say they are looking for nice guys--"What do I not possess that you are looking for?" You might get an answer that way...

HAHAHA... oh, yeesh.. I've gotten SO many different answers, it boggles the mind. Sometimes, the answers range from '6-pack abs' to '*Shrug* I dunno...'

>but if not, Mr. Free Therapist, maybe you will help them to examine what they are looking for...and if they don't come running to you, maybe they will go running to the next nice guy that comes along,

Yes, I'm sure they'll simply LOVE it! And it's 'Captain'. I didn't spend three years at the League of Do-Gooders Academy to become Mister.

>This is my stream of consciousness...so I hope it made sense, and I welcome any questions you might have for me.

Well, I have no questions for you, I think you've covered all your main points quite elegantly. Thank you for writing.-- NG

Rochelle Writes:

>ok, i am truly curious. please don't take this the wrong way, but,
>what do you look like and where do you live? i would love to meet a
>nice guy. i will admit looks do matter to me, attraction is a
>strong point. but personality can make or break you. you can be
>drop dead gorgeous, open your mouth and suddenly the attraction is
>gone. or, just nice looking, open your mouth and be gorgeous. it
>works both ways. and i won't date a guy that doesn't treat me well.
> no jerks for me.

Well, you sound like a sweetheart... um.. personally, I'm a little leery of releasing my whereabouts to the public (because my Ex would hunt me down and chop me into bite-sized pieces if she ever found out...) and I've been told that I look like a cross between a handsome guy and a geeky guy... so I'm somewhere in the middle, I guess... but it's so much safer for me to say I'm geeky-looking

But you know what? Guys like me are in EVERY town. They are in EVERY state and pretty much everyplace you go... only problem is: we get ignored by women who regard us as nothing more than just 'friends'.

Thanks for writing, -- NG

Nena Writes:

>I am very sorry to hear about your tales of sorrow. But I must admit that I
>USED to only date the jerk guys. I was like the woman you write about, never
>seeing the nice guy always dating the creeps. But I have to say, I have seen
>the light. I am in an amazing relationship with a NICE GUY! He treats me
>wonderfully. Sad truth is I almost did not go out with him a second time
>because I thought he was too nice. But thankfully for me, I did and he is
>terrific. It took me until age 33 and kissing a lot of frogs to realize that
>I want to be with a nice guy. He treats me with respect. We are friends and
>lovers. He is my best friend and it is the BEST. So what I am saying to you
>is hang it there. You will find the right girl. Do not ever change. It just
>takes women a little longer than it should to realize we want a nice guy.

Thanks for writing...
Well, I'm glad that you have a good relationship, and it's always nice to hear from someone who realized that she didn't like being mistreated. I appreciate you writing. -- NG

Reena Writes:

>Hello. I must admit that I truly enjoyed reading this site. And to you, kudos for trying to be the nice guy. We (on behalf of women), as well as the world, need nice PEOPLE...

Well, I try my best.

> Isn't it kooky as to what people of the opposite sex look for in each other? Men usually want: either someone they CAN bring home to someone (a cook, maid, servant,,,) or someone they SUrely CAN Not bring to mommy.

Well, as far as my mom is concerned, the world can be divided into two types of people: those who CAN be brought home to her, and those who can't... so what you said actually dovetails with her world-view very nicely.

>Good luck there, nice guy. There are women who are looking for men like you...It's too bad our ages don't come close. . Remember, "if you want to be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife."

Heh, well I appreciate you taking the time to write.. thanx.. -- NG

Kiri Writes:

>I saw a good question at the end of the last post from a
>women named Nikki. You didn't answer that question about someone with an
>not so nice complexion or fat, small chested etc. Would you be likely to
>ask them for their number?

Well, in her email, (that is to say, in the email I wrote back to her...) I said that I've dated a fair variety of races, shapes and sizes... and in fact, I've dated women who other people considered to be unattractive. Am I superficial? I get accused of that, and there's not much that I can say in my defense without appearing hypocritical. I guess... to be honest, there are women that appeared attractive to me and became less attractive as I found-out more about their characters... and there are women who didn't come-off as attractive straight-away, but BECAME more attractive as they revealed their characters. So, I DO know the value of judging people based on their deeds and thoughts rather than solely by their looks.

>Women aren't used to meeting a Niceguy. In a way, they
>believe there is always a hidden agenda somewhere.

Well, I'm not that complex a person to have hidden agendas. I'm actually pretty up-front and honest when I say that I'm not out to screw-over somebody. Pity that women tend to see their own dishonesty reflecting-off the mirror that is me.

>Thanks for taking the time to read this.

Thanks for writing -- NG

Katie Writes:

>Hello, a friend of mine sent me the URL to your homepage. At first, I was rather skeptical about a site dissing girls but after I read some of your rants, I could actually relate to some of your stories.

Yeah, most people are put-off by the title, but if I turned the title to "Women Don't Treat Men Well, and It's A Gosh-Darned Heck of A Conundrum", I probably wouldn't get much traffic.

>I see all these great gals with totally loser guys, and I don’t get it even though *I’m* a girl. I think it just comes down to the fact that you can’t really control whom you like (maybe that’s why you liked your ex-fiancée). Maybe you’ve just been unlucky.

Oh, I was in love with aspects of her personality that later turned-out to be a façade. Such as the non-insane part of her façade.

>There are some things that I don’t completely agree with though. For the girl who gave you her phone number, well, sometimes it’s hard to just say it to a guy’s face. Sometimes when a girl turns a guy down, she finds him spreading rumors about her being a cold-hearted hag… And if she lies, well, then a NiceGuy calls her a “Lying Nutball”. I’m not saying this justifies lying but it’s a damned if you do, damned if you don’t situation sometimes.

Oh, if she'd been up-front with me, I wouldn't have called her names.. if she said "oh, I'm not looking for a relationship because I'm concentrating on my career" for instance, THAT is a rejection that is at once more honest and worthy of being considered non-nutty.

>Also… I’m not sure if kissing and telling is exactly gentlemanly… and the way you referred to dating two women at once as a “once-in-a-lifetime buffet” was extremely unappealing. I wonder what Jeanne and Jianglin would think?

They'd be sickened by my behavior... as am I.
(P.S.: She should give me time to pack my bags before trying to send me on a guilt-trip. -- NG)

>P.S. – I know I shouldn’t be sticking my nose into this, but your brother seems extremely insightful about many things. Maybe you should listen to him more.

Hah, well HE considers himself to be insightful on all things... And occasionally he is. It's kind of funny, he'll sometimes try to play relationship counselor even when it's clear that he has NO clue what he's talking about... he's presently dating a high schooler, I suggested that he stick to people in college, but he decided to not listen. Which is indicative of how much insight he has into his own relationships.

Thanks for writing. -- NG

Bob Writes: (his subject was 'for a nice guy, you sure can rant...')

Heh, what can I say? I'm passionate...

>Hey, man, sorry to hear about all that stuff you
>wrote. I'd stop trying with those kind of results.
>Seeing how you had female friends, it didn't sound as
>if you were trying too hard, either. Are you sure that
>your female friends were not giving you hints about
>asking them out?

Oh, of THAT I am 100% certain. It's much more convenient to have me in a position where I can't have sex with them, yet do their taxes for them and give them the comfort that their boyfriends deny them.

>Of course, this falls into our age group
>which is Mid-Twenties when most girls still think that
>they are true beauties..

I've noticed that a man's value tends to go-up over time, but that of a woman goes down.

>If you've learned the secret about women yet, from one
>nice guy to another...please let me know. :)

As near as I can figure, here's the secret: there IS no secret. They do what they want and don't get held accountable because men always assume that there'd better be a damn good secret reason behind it all.

Thanks for writing -- NG

Mandy Writes:

>Just wanted to let you know I think your site is great. In case you are interested for demographics, I am a divorced mom of one 4 year old daughter. And no, I do not suck. In fact I went to the bitch test because it sounded funny and I am only 19% bitch, which is less than the 38% world wide average (although it goes up for 29 year olds to 41%, the absolute bitchiest age)!

Ahh, good for you, then!

>btw, I did leave my husband but only after I found out he had cheated on me with 17 people, to include one man and 3 prostitutes! Lovely, eh.

Ack... how awful. (Aside note: makes one wonder why she was attracted to him in the first place. Yup, assholes seem to get tail a-plenty, don't they?? -- NG)

>Anyway, keep up the great work. I bookmarked your site so I can read some more another day.
>Thanks for an amusing hour on the web!

Well, you're welcome. I aim to please.

>P.S. don't give up being a nice guy, you'll be sorry!

I hope you're right. Thanks for writing.. -- NG

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"In general, it can be said that feminine mentality manifests an undeveloped, childlike or primitive character; instead of the thirst for knowledge, curiosity; instead of judgment, prejudice; instead of thinking, imagination or dreaming; instead of will, wishing." -- Emma Jung, On the Nature of the Animus.

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