My Take on the Tragedy of Chandra Levy.

I feel very sorry for Chandra Levy, but not for the reasons you think.

Let's look at her background: she's from a rich family. Her dad's a doctor. They live in a very nice house in a rather exclusive neighborhood. Now, if you think that I'm making generalizations based on socioeconomic stereotypes- realize this: I went to a highschool FULL of women who are probably just like her. (On a related note: my days in highschool were when I first realized just how ugly women could be on the inside. They cultivated my cynicism. I might even go so far as to say that my female classmates were the mid-wives of my present-day opinions.)

Okay, so Chandra is lucky enough to get an internship in Washington- kudos to her, she's obviously bright and a good student. Then, she sees her boss and her knees go all soft: here's a rich, powerful congressman. He's a philanderer whom she can't have without breaking all the rules. Naturally, like a sad puppy, she hops into the sack with him thinking that she can somehow have him. She can somehow convince him to dump his wife and be with her- change him into a good man through the power of her love.

What she didn't realize: Gary Condit is a pro. No one holds a candle to him when it comes to using women. He is a champ when it comes to extra-marital affairs. He's played this game far, far longer than her, and he played her for a fool.

She really wanted a monogamous, honest relationship with him. She really found him attractive, and she really wanted him badly. Some people tried to warn her about playing with fire, but she deluded herself into thinking "oh, but with me it'll be different." But in the back of her mind, she knew exactly what she was getting into. She's having an affair with a married congressman, duh!

I'm sorry to say this, but with Condit, every woman said "with me, it'll be different." Every mistress always says that. Chandra was only attracted to men that she couldn't have, plain and simple.

Now, if *I* asked-out Chandra, I think it would've gone a little like this:

"Hi, Chandra... I'm NiceGuy. I think you're very pretty and very smart. I bet you've got a great personality, too. I think I'd like to go-out to dinner with you sometime so that I can get to know you better. I'll treat you respectfully. And best of all, with me, you won't end-up missing and presumed dead."

Chandra would respond: "NiceGuy, I think you're sweet and everything, but I don't like you in that way. No, I'd much rather try my luck with the married congressman who regards me as little more than a kept plaything to whom he thinks he's entitled as a man of privilege. Maybe there's a 1% chance that I'll get him to leave his wife, and then he'll only want me. Those odds look pretty good and I'm afraid that you're not a big-enough philandering jerk to turn me on."

Very tragic, but if she had the opportunity to date me, I'm positive that's how it would've gone. And you know what? Like all women, I'm positive that she was given the alternative that I would've provided. I'd bet my life that some Nice Guy back home had summoned-up all his courage to ask her out. And sure as hell, she shot him down.

While we're on the topic of political affairs, Monica Lewinsky... ugh, don't get me started. She tries to have an affair with- get this- a married President. Again, she knows exactly what she's getting into. She thinks that with her, it'll be different.

When you're going to be an intern in the Whitehouse, isn't there a thing called 'professionalism' involved?

And, after her "best girl friend" betrays her (good one, Tripp! Typical for a woman!) the fit really hits the shan. The balance of power shifts in Washington; Clinton's legacy is stained like a blue dress. He will be remembered only for this scandal for the rest of time. Lewinsky immediately turns all opportunistic. She plays-up how emotionally hurt she is. She publishes a book. She gets interviewed on television. She goes on Saturday Night Live. And she gets indirectly used by Iraq as a propaganda tool- to say that Clinton is bombing their country as a Wag-the-Dog style distraction from his impeachment.

I have no sympathy for her, because she knew exactly what she was getting into. Afterwards, she uses her experience as the platform with which to launch her career. In doing so, she's become a laughingstock. She will be the butt of jokes for decades to come. I recall reading once: in late 2000, Monica was in an upscale Manhattan restaurant, nattering on her cell-phone. Someone at the next table recognized her and started laughing (hell, who wouldn't?! If she'd been eating a corn-dog or a baguette, that would've been hilarious!). She gets incensed. She hangs-up, walks right-over to his table, and screeches "Do you think this is funny?!" He replies: "As a matter of fact, I do!"

Monica storms-out, but has an angry word with the head-waiter before leaving. Like I said, laughingstock, and she deserves it every bit.

To get back to my original point: who's the victim? Chandra is, obviously. To what extent was she responsible for what happened to her? At the risk of sounding unpopular, I'll say that she bears at least some level of responsibility. Maybe a level approaching 90%.

Ladies: take my advice. If you ever are lucky enough to become an intern in Washington, remember: (most) politicians are swine. I know, I've met more than one and I kid you not, they are dirty. Some of them are boneheads. Others are lying snakes. They don't respect you. Don't you dare even for a second think that they respect you. From their point of view, you are a nubile thing. You are a toy. And you can't possibly get the upper-hand: their careers are based entirely on lies and shady deals. If they drop their boxers in front of you, fight the urge. Take a cold shower. Count to ten. Do whatever it takes to keep yourselves out of your boss' pants.

And ladies, remember: you won't get treated like a laughingstock if you don't act like one.

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"First, I imagine a man, and then I take away accountability and reason." -- Jack Nicholson's secret for understanding women, As Good As It Gets.

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